Denying in order to avoid the emotions

I realized I'm in denial. I've had HSV-2 since september 2013, I was a complete wreck when I found out and for a while after. Most of my emotions stemmed from the guy who gave it to me, leaving me right after I told him I had gotten herpes. I went through some pretty low lows but finally I started to realize herpes isn't THAT big of a deal. It's about as serious as a pimple after a stressful exam season.

I stopped really paying attention to my OB's after the second one since I'm single and not having sex. I know I've had a few OB's, but I refused to take a look to confirm them because whenever I know I have an OB I get so emotional. It brings back all the original bad emotions, and the fact that I already had one guy leave because of it (even though I got it from him). I now have another OB (confirmed this one), and it hit me.. the emotions. I realized I was riding the OB's through as a way to forget that I have HSV, and avoid the emotions.

First, it concerns me that I have so many (probably about 5 since being diagnosed 4 months ago), because if I was to get into a serious relationship again, this frequency could put my partner at risk and would interfere with having an intimate relationship. My doctor said she can put me on daily meds for 6months if I had 6 or more outbreaks this year. This would only be for 6 months because the OB's are more frequent in the beginning. I'm not in a relationship, and the OB's are not super irritating physically, but they are emotionally. I don't know if I should use the meds as a scape goat. I want to try to stop this negative emotional connection to OB's but I'm not having success so far.

Advice, thoughts, or anything would be so appreciated right now!

Thanks

@Alissa

First, I commend you for being brutally honest with yourself about the avoidance - and BTW, denial is all part of the healing process. So it's a GOOD sign that you have gone through that and recognize it :)

I'm wondering that now that you have acknowledged it, if the OB's will slow down. Herpes has a habit of letting you know when you are not in a healthy place one way or another. So here's the deal: the negativity is normal. It takes awhile to get used to our little friend. Now that you have stopped denying it, you can allow yourself to feel it, deal with it, and move on. Right now you are in a Catch-22 situation. You've been stuffing the feelings down to avoid the emotions so you got an OB, and you stuffed the emotions down and it just kept happening time after time. Try allowing yourself to change your relationship with Mr H the next time he shows up. @HerrytheHerp had some great posts about his "conversations" with his H friend. For me, I see H as my Wing-man - it has made me learn to let go of sooo much that brought me stress, how to pay attention to what I am eating and how it is affecting me, and it has removed unsuitable "suitors" from my life a lot faster than I might have done. (The last 2 were rebounding.... *my* way is to be patient with that kind of situation ... Mr H showed them I was just their "Rebound Chick" real fast... :p ).

So use this time while you are single to learn how to live WITH herpes... like having a roommate who has some annoying habits. How can you cooperate with it so that you can live together in peace. Because it CAN be done. Yeah - it will occasionally get in a pissing match with you, but you can usually learn how to put it back in it's place.

If you need to use the supressive therapy to get it under control while you deal with the emotions, then do it. Nothing wrong in that at all. I for one have learned to pop a few Acyclovir as soon as I suspect an OB (which I very rarely have any more) and it usually disappears before anything opens up. Once you learn YOUR prodrome symptoms you will figure out how to control it more quickly.

You are early in your acquaintance with herpes. It will get better...promise :)

(((HUGS)))

@Alissa Hi. (: Welcome,

Thank you for sharing with us today. I have only known that I have had HSV-2 for about a month now. I suspect that I have had it longer. Before I got my tests done I had like one bump here and there, but I always suspected that it was razor burn since it normally happened after shaving. When I found out that I had it, it was hard to come to terms with it, but within 2 weeks of having it I came to terms. ( I am not saying that I won't be an emotional wreck the next time I have an outbreak, because I probably will.) My boyfriend has sincerely helped me.

I don't think that using the medication is an escape goat.. More like a helpful friend so that you can get through the OB's within less time. It has helped me a lot. I was able to get rid of an OB within 5 days versus a few weeks. I am also on it every day for my boyfriend.

Like she said Denial is a step into acceptance. Also being a recovering addict I know that it is a big step into recovery. Think of that as recovering from something very heartbreaking. In time you will be better friends with your H. Like she said take this time to get to know your body. I told my boyfriend that I didn't want to have sex for a while so that I could get used to my body and my outbreaks. Within time you should also have less outbreaks also.

:D You will learn to accept this, and you can also become good friends with you herpes. (: In the long run it is a good thing. At least for me.

@WCSDancer2010 @victoriaxxx Thanks both so much I read this a while back and read Herrytheherp's posts and they really cheered me up. I always believed that when you're truly happy with yourself, and not looking for a relationship you always end up finding someone great. A few weeks after this post and feeling great about myself again I met a boy.

He's unbelievably nice and it's crazy how much we have in common. Our first date was phenomenal I've never talked to a guy so deeply before. We've been on two amazing dates and the last one we ended up having an intense make out. I can already tell I'm really falling for him hard. The sad thing is now i'm terrified. I find myself randomly having bouts of sadness where I just want to cry thinking, how in the world will I tell him about herpes? I want to tell him sooner rather than later because the more we hang out the more I like him and the more it will hurt if he leaves... but I also want to wait until there is a deep enough connection so he knows fully who I am and why I am worth being with.

I know two dates is nothing, and I wouldn't tell him until things started feeling like we could be a serious couple, but the sexual chemistry is so intense when we're together. It scares me thinking about it. Sorry if this next part is too graphic but, when we were making out he started rubbing me over my pants... obviously I moved his hand because i'm not ready to go there and I need to talk with him. Then he said to me, "you're shaking?" ... I didn't even realize but apparently I was and it was probably because the entire time I was thinking about herpes and the fact that I'm this much closer to having the talk, and potentially being hurt by a guy again.

I didn't realize I could be so giddy and so terrified at the same time. I really don't want to get hurt again.

How were your first talks? What did you say, and how did they go?

Hey Alissa!

I gotta get to bed but we have had a bunch of great success stories on here this week...so I'm going to post those links to start with. One thing I will say, there is no perfect time...BUT I would make sure you do it when you are not getting hot and heavy... because that break of the mood really sucks and people make poor decisions when you are in that state of mind. Read these for inspiration and ideas of how you might approach it... and then come back with any thoughts/questions :)

(((HUGS)))

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2384/successful-herpes-disclosure#Item_2 Bookworm_21

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2386/ive-been-gone-for-too-long

klopz

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2390/update-on-my-for-my-h-opp-peeps#Item_2 nic4897

and here are a few older ones:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2162/a-bit-about-me-and-my-successful-herpes-disclosures

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2022/successful-herpes-disclosure-thanks-to-this-site#Item_7

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1793/i-did-it-i-had-the-herpes-talk#Item_7

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2166/first-herpes-disclosure-tonight-so-nervous-#Item_16

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2229/self-sabotage-i-seriously-need-to-put-my-brain-on-pause-lol

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2302/disclosed-herpes-to-someone-i-didnt-even-really-know-totally-inspiration

Oh - and VERY happy you are at least getting back in the dating pool - it's a great first step. So BREATHE my friend, and enjoy the moment ....

Thank you!! You've helped so much with making me feel better about everything! Things are quickly getting more serious with him and I. I've started planning out how I will disclose and what to say, it feels great to be prepared for that moment. I haven't decided when it will be, I'm just going to wait for when the moment feels right and it's a casual transition. This will definitely help me have a relaxed conversation and hopefully he'll react as calmly as myself. @WCSDancer2010

Glad to help! Keep us posted!

((: Yes keep us posted. I am really glad you are doing better.