Self sabotage! I seriously need to put my brain on pause!! Lol

Three weeks ago I started to self destruct. It all started when I had my first BO. I wasn't sure, but my gut feeling told me it was definitely the "big and scary" H. I told my reconnected bf about it and was for sure things would be done. He was gone for a week and a half for holidays, and his busy schedule made had me thinking it was this issue that was driving him away. Finally on December 31, 2013 I get my H results; "a low positive." The results confused me a bit, but it was pretty much what I had expected. The very next day my bf gets back into town and I tell him (with all the facts and the most positive attitude I could possibly have) about my positive diagnosis. He was reassuring and comforting, but after having to go our separate ways my brain started analyzing every little thing. I went over and over in my head everything he said and somehow it wasn't enough.. My 4 yr old kiddo got really sick that night and my bf was supportive and very helpful even through that. The next day I felt the world start falling apart when he told me that his results for H came back negative. I by no means was hoping he had it, but I was surer he was done. Again he assured me that we were okay and that he wanted to see only me.. I heard what he said but my brain didn't accept it. Red lights started flashing and I started analyzing everything that had changed. I my mind he was done and I was heartbroken. I was going through a breakup before ever being broken up with!!!!

Through all of this I stressed out so much about everything that I managed to lose 7 lbs from just stressing (yay me!! Lol)!

And then came Saturday. Another day to dread because like I said before, I was going through a "break up." Finally that night he calls and text to ask me to go out with him. I said yes and had an amazing time!! I made sure to take all the advice I was given on this site and act normal to show him why he came back in the first place , and that this small virus wouldn't change who I am. Again, we had a wonderful time and he never once acted any different. He acted like a completely normal bf. This morning he and I went to church together and after church he took both my son and me to lunch, and then to his job because he figured my son would enjoy seeing some of the machines. (A little side note: I became a momma at the age of 19 and have been a single mother since my son was born) seeing this man care so much for my sons happiness was amazing and then realizing that he knew about my H and he was still there not just with me but with my son as well made me realize how much I had been killing myself over nothing. I had been destroying my happiness over absolutely nothing!! I take a deep breath and smile because i can see how wrong I was and how I need to actually put my brain on pause sometimes. Over analyzing things won't do anything but stress a person out and unless you're looking to lose weight the stress is no fun!! I'm happy to say that i have learned that I cannot control what happens tomorrow, and although tomorrow may hurt there no need to ruin today over something that May or may not happens tomorrow.

I'm smiling again and I understand that this small H really is small and I made it into the one thing controlling my life. Not again. I will stay in this positive state of mind and if I happen to cross a difficult part of my life I will take it, learn from it, and move on. I have found this beautiful site where I have found some amazing people supporting me through things that I have built up myself and the best part is you all understand that this self sabotage is caused by the insecurities of having H. Thank you to all of you that gave me wonderful advice and for all the hugs!!! I truly appreciate every single one of you!!

Over analyzing things won't do anything but stress a person out and unless you're looking to lose weight the stress is no fun!! I'm happy to say that i have learned that I cannot control what happens tomorrow, and although tomorrow may hurt there no need to ruin today over something that May or may not happens tomorrow.

And THAT, my friend, is the lesson that your little H friend was sent to teach you ;)

*Grinning from ear to ear over here for you! :D :D :D

So glad you wrote this! I was in the middle of waaaaay over analyzing something and getting myself all upset. You're so right! Why sit there stressing about what hasn't happened yet (and may not happen)? And even if that bad thing does happen, we can cross that bridge when we come to it. Thanks for posting, and GOOD FOR YOU!!!!! :) :) :)

We are in control of our brains ! We go as far as we let our brains take is. If we keep worrying, then we will always worry. I used to always ask myself. " How can I stop being upset?" or "Why am I always so stressed?" It was only because I was as stressed and as upset as I let myself be.

I started looking in the good of every situation. (:

Klopz You know you have came a long way girl ! I am so happy for you.

Dolly,

Sweetheart you have no idea how much my brain still goes crazy. I still wake up sometime feeling bummed about the situation, but I have found that I have the power to change it and turn it all around. Running has always been a great stress reliever, but when I found out about my little friend H I stopped all that. Since this post I've gone back to my normal routine of working out everyday and even though sometimes this virus makes me feel ugly I force myself to dress up extra nice and it really does work!! My attitude changes completely! If you need any advice or someone to talk to feel free to message me Dolly!!

Lots of hugs!!