New herpes diagnosis and a broken promise

[paige]

Hi everyone

I was diagnosed only two weeks ago and I'm struggling with life right now. I feel so alone in this, I am a 20 year old college student, thousands of miles from home. When I first found out that I might have herpes a promise was made to me by the guy who more than likely gave it to me. He said "no matter what the results are I promise to be there for you". I am dealing well with the actual herpes itself all my symptoms are gone, but that promise is whats really getting to me. My results came back positive and the promise was broken feels kinda like it broke my heart too. I just needed a shoulder to cry on and he wasn't there. I guess he had a different way of dealing with it and didn't understand why I was so upset. So I told my best friend about it and she has really been there for me. But I know that she really doesn't understand what I'm going through. I guess I came here for that reason....because I have no one to talk to who understands my situation. I have felt so alone for the past few weeks. I know it might take some time for me to accept what has happened to me but as of now all I want to do is cry and run because when I run the shameful voices in my head go away. I'm here for support and to support others too, I'm here to learn, and I'm here to hopefully find strength in myself. I am willing to talk and even more willing to listen. So if anyone has some uplifting words or advice for me as someone new to this whole thing I would appreciate it so much.

Thanks

 

[paige]

I also really don't understand how I got herpes. About 2 months ago my blood was tested for herpes and my results were negative. Since then I have only had sex with this one guy. But the sketchy thing is that his blood results came back negative. Is it possible that he gave it to me but the virus just isn't in his blood yet or maybe Ii had it when my blood was tested but the antibodies just weren't there yet....I have no idea everything is confusing to me.

[mr_hopp]

Welcome Paige. I'm glad you're here. I get that whole "running away as a means to tamp down the shameful voices in my head" thing. But that only exacerbates the problem. The voices come back stronger the next time herpes comes into our awareness (the next herpes outbreak, that random not-funny herpes joke on TV, etc.). Denial doesn't go to the root of what's going on; it only puts it off for some future time ... So good on you for actually facing it. It's never easy, but it's worth it. It's worth it for your emotional health, for your relationship to yourself, which then branches out into all other relationships, romantic or otherwise. It takes courage to face it. And that's exactly what this post of yours is doing. Basically saying "Okay, I have herpes. Let the healing begin." It's only when we face it that we allow it to come out, when we allow ourselves to wash out the wound that's been festering for a bit.

 

And to your other question about the blood test, it's never a straight answer on that. The blood test picks up on antibodies, which take a few weeks to build themselves to a detectable level, so who knows how it went down when he has a negative blood test, he may have still had herpes but the antibody levels weren't there yet. At this point, it doesn't really help the healing process to figure that out or make sense of it. I know, that's the tendency that we have, but if there ends up being no definitive answers, then we just spin our wheels and expend valuable energy on worrying instead of living. By all means, do what you need to do to have closure with this person and say what needs to be said, but as far as figuring out how you got it and needing that answer, it's going to be hard to pinpoint, so acceptance and moving forward with your own healing is key.

 

Thank you for sharing yourself here, Paige. I'm glad you're here. I feel your heart, broken as it may be. And I like how I feel when I read what you write. I don't like that you're suffering, but I do like that you're reaching out and opening your heart to us. That's the part that feels good. The courageous vulnerability. Big hugs ... We're here for you.

 

By the way, you may be interested in posting your interest for a (h) buddy and hunting one down to connect with one-on-one. I'm also available for one-on-one coaching. There are so many options for healing available to you. And all it took was you reaching out for you.

(h) buddies:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/223/need-someone-to-talk-to-herpes-buddies#Item_144

[Jassabell]

Hi Paige.

My story is quite like yours ( newly diagnosed about 3 weeks ago, 20yrs old & college student) but I don't have the broken promise part. It's actually good you told your best friend, she may not know exactly how you feel but you were able to vent to her ( my sister is the only one who knows about me and she found out stumbling across my meds). This gift we have been given will make you feel completely alone bur this awesome forum will make you realize is what we have is a skin condition that we have to be careful with when it decides to show itself (also sometimes when it doesn't but you will learn more about viral shedding when you do more research). Because mine is still fresh I have my days where I break down and cry because I think of all the potential things I feel like I've been robbed of. I noticed on here that people who have had it for years still have their break downs also but that what goes with this. We have to stay strong though Paige. Not only do we have the rest of our lives ahead of us, but this makes us more conscious of who we give our minds and bodies too. We are same person we were before we got the H and we will be the same person now and forever because the H does not define who we are. If you want you can inbox me whenever you want because again our stories are much like each others and I could use someone other than my sis to talk too being that she doesn't have the H. We can be each others outlet and vent to each other. We are bigger than the H. This skin condition only makes up a tiny percentage of all the great things we have to offer this world.

 

STAY STRONG PAIGE. We are in this together and I'm so glad you found this forum like I did. You will learn a lot here. >:D< :)

[mr_hopp]

Looks like Paige just found her (h) buddy. ;)

 

And to what you said on the (h) buddy thread that you "may not have much advice to offer" you'd be surprised how much more healing a conversation WITHOUT any advice can be. When we focus on simply understanding each other and offering an ear and kind words, when we allow ourselves to be seen and see someone else for who they are, then the advice isn't necessary. We don't have to have the answers for each other, but we can have compassion, understanding and love.

[paige]

Thank you Adrial for the uplifting words still feel so very lost in all of this....like I'm looking for something that isn't there. But in the few days that I have been on here I have started to be a little more accepting of myself. I know it will all come in time and I know that anything you have to say to me is of value to me and my healing process. :) And yes I do believe I may have found an (h) buddy in Jassabell.

[Beckie]

Hi Paige,

 

Just wanted you to know I think you're beautifully courageous for finding this forum so soon after your diagnosis and reaching out. For me, finding support was something I couldn't do for a very long time, so I deeply respect and admire your actions. So if you're looking for your strength, just look in the mirror, chickie. You're already kicking some serious butt. You're going to have ups and downs with this, just like we all do. But finding support so soon after your diagnosis, and empowering yourself with the facts about herpes is going to change your experience of it. It's when we hide with this that it really eats away at us. You're already choosing not to bury this, and to deal with what emotions it's bringing up...and that takes courage. So I say "Yay you!" and thank you for sharing your story. Much love, Beckie :)

[paige]

Beckie,

Tank you for your kind words they are much appreciated. I'm glad I found this forum because if I didn't I would literally be in this all alone. Here I have people to learn from and get support from and I don't have that anywhere else right now. Its been really tough few weeks. I'm waiting for a day to come when I don't feel like I could break down in tears at any moment.....I know it will come in time and I think that if I stay here for support, peace will come to me sooner. I know I need to look this thing in the face and fight the control it has over my life right now. And that's what I'm trying to do :|

thanks again

Paige

[mr_hopp]

You ready for the irony of all this Paige? Looking to some future time where you won't break down in tears at any moment will simply push down those feelings that are wanting to be felt. Loving yourself right now, constantly on the verge of crying, allowing yourself to cry when you need to cry while treating yourself with kindness is the healing you are meant to do RIGHT NOW. You won't at some point in the future miraculously figure out how to accept yourself without starting right NOW. It's a practice. Build that muscle. That's what this is all about. If this forum is anything, it's a gym to build your self-acceptance muscle. Because self-acceptance leads to self-love. And self-love leads to loving everything else. It tends to overflow all over the place. ;) (Its why I started this website and weekend workshop, in fact.) I don't want you to look back on this time in your life and be reminded of all that time you spent just waiting for acceptance to happen to you. I want you to be reminded of the time that you began loving yourself now.

[james81]

As a man B-) , I need to speak out for my fellow buddies.

 

Do not expect a 20 years-old boy to behave like a real man.

So here is the blessing in disguise, he is now out of your life, better now than later when he could make your suffer big deal