Another herpes outbreak and scared. How long to wait to have sex again?

I received the shocking news about 3 weeks ago as I was experiencing my first herpes outbreak. I have only been with two guys my current boyfriend for over a year and a previous relationship I was in for 7 years so I never thought this could happen and I'm having a very hard time dealing with it I'm only 22 and my 1st outbreak lasted about 7 days and it was the worst pain of my life I was on valtrex and by the time I finished the dose I was scab free I was on vacation and felt healed enough to have sex which was a bad idea I started bleeding lightly and was a little sore I thought maybe cuz I had went a few weeks without sex so I waited a few more days and tried again and same thing just no bleeding very bad pain. Now for a week I feel like I have been experiencing the start of a new outbreak my doctor only gave me one prescription just in case I feel symptoms so I started taking it on Monday and now it's finsihed and why looks like a water blister is forming as of now I'm in no pain just a little irritated feeling will I be okay with out any more valtrex I have no insurance and my doctor will not call it in. Also I'm scared I will never be able to have normal sex again will it always hurt how long should I wait to try again and what can I do to not make it painful I just wanna feel like a normal woman. Also I have genital HSV 1 how is it different from 2?

Hi Sab123,

Welcome to the forums. A big community hug to you. First things first, take a deeep breath. You're going to be fine. How you feel about herpes now won't be how you always feel about herpes. And it will get easier. Much easier. You will have "normal" sex again (by the way, what is normal, anyway? Every time I've had sex, it's been different!) :)

And let this sink in: From now on, all the sex you have has a much higher probability of being even BETTER than before herpes. That may sound a bit strange hearing that in the state you're in right now, but I promise you that it's more than possible. You will have deeper, more connected sex with your future partners because you will be emotionally connected before being physically connected.

And hey, you aren't a normal woman. You are extra-ordinary, dammit! ;) This process of healing and accepting yourself — the process you are beginning right now — is a process of becoming more and more yourself. More and more extraordinary. Be kind to yourself and be kind in the way you think about your future. It will be as bright as you can ever imagine it. Even brighter. I promise you.

And for your specific herpes questions, a lot of your answers can be found on the other side of these links:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-diagnosis-handout

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

http://herpeslife.com/hsv-1-hsv-2-types-of-herpes/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-medication/

http://herpeslife.com/first-herpes-outbreak

Thank you for your kind words I can't wait until the day I an come to terms with this right now it seems so hard. And by normal I mean painless lol but thank you

I know what you meant. :) And yes, to answer your question on the surface level, outbreaks do lessen in severity and time as your body builds up more and more herpes antibodies. So take care of your body and mind during this process. Eat well. Think well. Exercise.

And here's the deeper answer to what you just said ... Ready for the truth? Life in general will have pain. And yes, life will contain vast amounts of beauty, too! But yes, pain in life is inevitable. Whether it's herpes outbreaks or just plain shitty things that tend to happen in life. Life will be painful at times. It's ultimately how we relate to the pain that matters. How are you treating yourself when you're in pain? Are you beating yourself up or are you being kind and accepting to yourself? There are deeper truths to all of this. If you're willing to look.

Welcome Sab123! I am so glad you have taken the first step and joined our community. Bravo! That is the first step to taking care of yourself. As Adrial has said, it all gets better. When I first got the diagnosis, I was sort of in a fog. I really didn't know what herpes was and what it meant for my life and my sex life. Would I ever have sex again? Would anyone even want to be with me? Would I be celibate forever, rejected by the world? Would I ever feel whole and sexy again? I am happy to report that my life actually got better after herpes, believe it or not. The diagnosis was a catalyst for a lot of healing in my life. I had the chance to really examine my life and where I was at and take steps to heal a lot of what the virus shone a light on. For me, getting herpes brought up all the issues I had been struggling with. I took courses, attended the H Opportunity Weekend (which is AMAZING), reached out to this community and other herpes communities both on Facebook and in my own local area. Through all of that my life blossomed. My personal life has never been better. I have met the most amazing people, and have formed so many wonderful friendships. I even found my life partner as a result of having this virus! I have grown and become so much more confident and my sex life has never been better. So take heart my dear. It will get better. And given that you have reached out, it shows that you are the kind of person who will be able to make the very best of this virus and come out the other side even stronger, more confident and more awesome than you ever were!! I am so excited for you and the amazing journey you are on!!

Brenda xo

Thank you Brenda it's just so hard to see the positive side right now as soon as I felt like myself I was knocked down again idk if this is an outbreak or the start or the finishing of the last it's horrible to not be able to be intimate being in a serious relationship it's making me very depressed and insecure which is causing problems in my relationship it's not the h that's causing the problems I have his support it's my insecurity and my depression from it

So how soon should I wait to have sex after the sores are gone? And will it be painful I'm so scared

To answer your question specifically, generally I like to wait about a week after the scabs have fallen off before having sex again. In other words, once everything feels back to normal down there, I wait a week after that just to be very safe and protect my partner.

And are you sure that sex is the best thing for you to consider right now? Are you with someone now? (Sorry if you've already said this in another thread.) The reason I ask is because it sounds like you're in a deep state of healing yourself right now. Mixing another person very intimately (especially sexually) into all of these emotions and fear might complicate things more for you on a deep level. (Especially if you're going to be paranoid about passing herpes to him.) Do you feel that sex would be healing to you or complicating for you?

My personal opinion? Take a break and allow yourself to heal. Get to know yourself better. Get to know how it is for you to have herpes. Get to know your own body and your prodrome symptoms so you can be better informed to tell your partner when you are free and clear vs. when an outbreak might be coming on. Reconnect with yourself. When you feel like you have healed that, then you can share yourself sexually with him.

Yea I'm in a serious relationship but I feel like I have to limit myself and that's the stressful part I just want to be the way I was before that's just a small factor to me and it's not the most important thing but it makes me feel like a women I feel like I'm broken right now it's hard to go from your everyday life to having to change everything I want somethings t

Ah, got it. Yes, I now see you said you have a boyfriend now at the beginning of this post. :) Well, first things first, has he gotten a herpes blood test? He may be a silent carrier of HSV without ever having an actual outbreak. Have him get tested to see if he has herpes. If he does, then there's no worries of you passing something to him that he already has. If he doesn't, then you can take the precautions needed to only give him a 1% chance of getting herpes. Here are a few posts that will help:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-tests

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1673/herpes-transmission-statistics-better-chance-of-dying-in-a-car-accident#Item_2

He's gotten the blood test and was negative but my doctor said he can't actually rule out having it unless there is an outbreak to culture

Why do dr's wait for a physical OB to culture? Is it protocol? U can do a blood test...is this all political healthcare crap? There's more than one way to test for HSV1 & 2...sorry, ijs

She said a blood test may not alway determine I had a blood test and it came up negative the same time I had a breakout

Very true...if u were recently exposed it wouldnt have been enough time to develop anti bodies in your blood....aha! I found the answer to my question.

But doesnt blood work determine if it's hsv1 or hsv2

Hmmm...

She said they used a test to see if I've been recently exposed and it came up negative I guess they can't go by blood because they say if you've had chicken pox you can test positive in blood idk how it all works but she told me my culture came back as hsv-1

It sounds like you've already answered the question, but here's my answer just in case. :)

The reason why herpes blood tests aren't part of the regular STD check procedure is because of exactly that reason: If you're within that 3-4 month window of time that the herpes antibodies are building up in the bloodstream, but aren't yet at high enough levels to be detectable, then the blood test will come back "negative" when actually you do have herpes. Blood tests are much more expensive than swabbing an active outbreak and testing the swab, so most insurance won't cover blood tests across the board.

The annoying thing that I'd like to see change is for them to specifically say that they aren't testing for herpes (even if you request to be tested for "everything"). So many people receive an "all clear" from their STD tests, but the test doesn't include herpes unless you specifically ask for it. There are a lot of people out there who think they are totally clear, when behind the scenes they are unwittingly carriers of HSV. 15-20% of people never have an actual herpes outbreak, while many people are in denial that herpes outbreaks are actually just jock itch or an ingrown hair. This is a big reason why 80% of people who have herpes don't know it!

I agree 100% @adrial everytime I have been tested I asked to be checked for everything and I was never told I had to request a seperate test for this so thought I was in the all clear so when my dr asked me I said I had but she checked my records and shocked me when she said I had to specifically ask for it that's insane obviously I Would expect all studs to be covered for an std test they need to change that ASAP it's not fair

"The annoying thing that I'd like to see change is for them to specifically say that they aren't testing for herpes (even if you request to be tested for "everything"). So many people receive an "all clear" from their STD tests, but the test doesn't include herpes unless you specifically ask for it. There are a lot of people out there who think they are totally clear, when behind the scenes they are unwittingly carriers of HSV. "

@adrial - EXACTLY!!!!!!

Personally, if I went to a Dr and asked for "everything", was given the "all clear", then learned I had passed it on, I would be meeting them in court (and I am NOT a litigious person at all, but this would be a time that I would say was a fair call given that I had asked for it). Perhaps a few of those kind of court cases would help to change the protocols :/

What is crazy is that your odds of getting Syphilis and Gonorrhea are far lower than your risk of getting Herpes yet they test for THAT. WTF is up with that??? So you run a bunch of cheap tests that will usually come out negative anyway, but you don't test for something that is a much higher risk. Makes no sense to me :(

Wow... Actually, @adrial you bring up a REALLY good point -- years ago, when I went in for my first STD/STI test EVER, I asked to be tested for EVERYTHING. Everything. Not just the stuff I *might* have, not just the stuff that was cheap to test for... and every subsequent time, I asked the same thing. But especially in 2009 when I had *apthous lesions* which were absolutely HORRIBLE (and I thought it was herpes, actually :( ) I asked to be tested for "every single STD/STI on the planet".

Long story short, apparently they didn't test for everything! Aaaargh, what frustration, what outrage.

So here's the next question, after we've cooled our heels: What do we need to do to get HSV-1 and HSV-2 on the get-tested-for-it-when-you-ask-for-EVERYTHING list?

iamstronger

What do we need to do to get HSV-1 and HSV-2 on the get-tested-for-it-when-you-ask-for-EVERYTHING list?

Public outcry. As long as we are silent the CDC will continue with business as usual. HIV would have got plenty of studies but one of the reasons they are so far along was pressure from the HIV+ population and backing from well known stars and public figures ...

What about the well known stars that have herpes ? LOL. Just a thought.

@WCSDancer2010 - public outcry, I can do. Let's do it! Where do we start?

Adrial and I have been having discussions about strategy and where to go after he finished the Home Study course. Stay tuned. We will be needing people like yourself to help us lead the charge when the time comes :)

:) I'm so loving our community.

::grabs paper:: petitioner here at the ready captains!!!!!! Let's do thiiiiiiis