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When to disclose? Feel like I’m dying inside


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I just found out yesterday I have herpes. After having intercourse with someone a few times, I developed a few pinsize lesions and had them tested, which came back positive for hsv2. I also had a blood test the same day, the IgG came back negative with low numbers (.45). I spoke to my ex about it and he got tested and we are waiting for his results, though I’m thinking I did not get it from him since my body hadn’t developed antibodies yet and more than enough time has passed since he and I last interacted. This outbreak occurred about 2.5 weeks after I started a new intimate relationship. I am so unbelievably nervous to bring it up to my current partner. I have been avoiding him and slowed down my communication with him by staying standoffish. How do you go about telling someone you think they gave you herpes? What if his results are negative and then I just look completely disgusting not knowing who gave it to me? What is the likelihood that he is the one who gave it to me? Help.

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  • 4 weeks later...

I'm no expert as I am new as well with this but like you I started seeing someone and was tested hsv2 positive after a swab on lesions which appeared about 10 days after being with this person. I had no doubt in my mind my new bf gave it to me.

My previous relationship lasted 4 years and it seemed more logical to me that the new guy was the carrier as i have never experience anything before. my first outbreak was pretty intense and lasted 3 weeks.

I confronted the new guy as soon as i got diagnosed and found out he has had hsv2 for 17 years now and didn't know he could still be contagious as he never had symptoms since his first outbreak and never had problems with past relationship. He told me at the time he was misinformed by his doctor and didn't know he could still give it to a partner so many years later. I hope this help, don't be afraid to let him know, he could well be the carrier.

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@Mil21 The scenario @BlueMoon described is definitely possible. Even though it's been known for some time time that HSV can be (and most often is) transmitted in the absence of symptoms, many doctors still tell patients it can only be transmitted when symptoms are present.

 

Even more likely, he simply doesn't know hes infected. For every 8 people with HSV2, only one knows they are infected, seven do not know. So odds are he doesn't know he's infected, got it from someone who didn't know she was infected, etc. That is what's most typical.

 

Assuming he has been your only partner over the last 12 weeks, it makes sense you acquired it from him, given the negative IgG and positive swab. I'd suggest presenting the facts in a non-confrontational way, mentioning you developed symptoms you'd never experienced and got checked out and tested positive for HSV2 with tests indicating it it is an infection acquired within the last few months.

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