BF newly diagnosed need help

Hi,

I've been with my boyfriend for two months, and he ended up going to the doctor and got a blood test where he was informed something seemed off. They ended up telling him he has HSV1 genital, and he ended up letting me know. He ended up telling me if I don't want to be with him anymore he'll understand. He's feeling absolutely hopeless and miserable right now, and he's someone I've been chasing literally for months trying to get his attention.

We haven't slept with each other yet, and I've had a cold sore outbreak once before, so I know it wasn't from me because we don't do anything sexual. I have HSV1 oral I'm trying to learn more about the condition on the genitals. We were planning on saving sex for marriage, but I know he used to have a past.

We were planning on not using protection once we are married, but with this information I'm starting to think I may end up with genital herpes as well. I heard it would make pregnancy more difficult, and Possibly spread it to the baby as well. I'm sure he probably got it from someone who had oral herpes that's he got oral sex from, or someone else who had genital herpes. I'm confused and shocked, and curious if anyone has been in a similar situation. I'm really into him, but his condition scares me. It seems like the condition is like oral herpes just on the genitals is it more?

I might be able to help: I have gone through something similar.

I had my first out break of GHSV-1 a few months after dating my current girlfriend. I told her about it right away as symptoms developed, and my test results came back. I told her it was okay if she was considering leaving me, and we had some discussions about the whole issue off and on.

We decided to stick together, because so many facets of our relationship have been going really well.

But you have to decide for yourself what is important to you.

On the one hand, transmission of herpes in a relationship is likely (not 100%, as other members here can attest). On the other, a really great relationship is a rare thing.

I would recommend that you not let fear of being alone trap you in a poor relationship. That doesn't work out in the long term.

However, if things are good, and being in a relationship with this person really is good for you, it may be worth looking past ghsv-1. Only you get to decide that.

If you already have been exposed to HSV-1, then it's highly unlikely you will catch HSV-1 genitally. The only way to know for sure you have been exposed to HSV-1, is by taking the HSV-1 IgG blood test.

At the same time, the only way to know that your boyfriend, has been exposed to HSV-1 and not HSV-2 is by him having the HSV-1 and HSV-2 IgG blood tests at least 4 months after his last exposure to another partner.

HSV-1 is so prevalent in the population- appr 80% of the population, it's almost inevitable most people will get it at some point. Also, genital HSV-1 infection causes much less frequent outbreaks than HSV-2. Sometimes, just the initial one and never another one again. There much less asymptomatic shedding in between. It's usually transmitted from oral sex, from a partner with an oral outbreak to the person receiving oral sex who has never been exposed to HSV-1 before.

It would be highly unlikely this would be causing you any problems with a pregnancy. If you have a + HSV-1 IgG test, then you already have this virus in your system and it would be unlikely you would be catching it anywhere else again.

In brief, if your IgG test is HSV-1 positive and your HSV-2 negative, and your boyfriend's results are also exactly the same as yours 4 months after his last exposure, I would not worry too much about it. Just enjoy life. Perhaps avoid sex if he ever gets an outbreak again down there, but otherwise it's pretty low risk for transmission and you already have caught this virus yourself. You don't catch this virus again...

@anonymousprince

True, that us H+ peeps develop resistance to future spread of the virus, but everyone's immune system is different.

Also, regarding congenital herpes (I think that's the right term for passing from mother to baby) requires direct contact with the virus. That would be a risk primarily if the mother were having an out break (and most likely an initial out break) during labor. A C-section would substantially reduce that risk, but it seems like the medical community is mostly concerned with active sores more than just having the virus passively present in the mother.

As always, I recommend talking to your doctor about concerns regarding yourself and your specific situation.

Hey! so I'm a registered nurse and I can tell you that yes there is a very slight chance that you could pass it onto your baby however the chances are so slim that from a medical stand point, it really isn't a big deal anymore because it rarely ever happens in this country with all the medical advances in pharmaceuticals and technology. As long as you inform your doctor that you have it (if you ever ended up contracting it)at your prenatal visits you should be just fine! But as stated above, its really only an issue when the mom has an outbreak during the birthing process, in which they would then just have a C-section. It used to be thought that you had to have a c-section if you had genital herpes but that isn't the case anymore. C-section is still the safest bet, but if you were set on having a child vaginally then that would definitely a possibility!

I know this news of your boyfriend having herpes may come as a shock. But please try not to be afraid of it. You really need to look at it for what it is, which is a cold sore. You said it yourself that you already have HSV 1, just on a different part of your body. Herpes is all around us. The only reason its so scary is because theres a social stigma surrounding it which I think is really stupid coming from a medical standpoint because most people have herpes weather its orally or genitally. Im sure you are scared especially watching what your boyfriend is going through...when I was first diagnosed I was a wreck, but thats because I was letting society define me by this really stupid and uneducated definition of what herpes was...Once i actually figured out what it was, I became a much stronger person and honestly it gave me a lot more respect for myself in the long run..it sounds weird i know but its soooo true. Having herpes, as I'm sure you know, is nothing but a little nuisance every once in a while. Yes, you have those people who get really terrible symptoms much more often and that is very unfortunate, but that is not the majority. The majority of people who have herpes don't even know it. This is because we do not test for it in a standard STD test. The rest of the people who have it, normally have there symptoms under control, and many are on medication. Ive only ever had one outbreak in my life. That was over two years ago. Since then I have dated and I have had sex with guys who didn't have it. We always used condoms but we also weren't that serious.

You may not have planned on being protected but maybe it would be best if you guys started out with protection in order to calm your nerves. Just do what ya feel comfortable with. No ones saying you have to forever use protection especially if you plan on marrying this dude..I mean as long as you don't have any autoimmune diseases you'll be just fine! i know some couples where one person has it and the other person doesn't. They've been married for years, and never used any barrier methods, and the other person never contracted it. Obviously there are instances where people do contract it, but Essentially you have to come to the realization that yes, there is a possibility that you could get it from him..but there's a possibility you could get it from literally anyone, and if he were to get on medication the chances of you contracting it become very low. They become almost nonexistent if you use both a condom and medication. The best thing to do would be to speak with your OBGYN about these questions because they could probably answer all of them.

Thanks everyone for all of your thoughtful answers!! We've been together for 5 months, and I've realized that I care about him too much to let this stop us. I appreciate all of your help :)

If you already have HSV-1 and he has HSV-1 you're not going to get it again from him. If you are immunocompromised that's a different story. Basically you guys both get cold sores. You get yours on your mouth and he gets them on his genitals. Have fun! I caught it from my asymptomatic husband. We/he had no idea he had it. We never once used a condom and we've had lots of oral and vaginal sex. It took 15 years before it showed up in me.

And truth be told he's an amazing person and we have amazing sex, I'd catch herpes over and over and over again for him. He's great and herpes is not a big deal for us.

I don’t have herpes but my boyfriend does. He has it in his pubic area so even if we use protection I could still catch it. We have been having sex for 2 years and just abstain when he has a break out which is once or twice a year. Herpes isn’t the be all and end all of life that it’s made out to be. There is this stigma attached to it and I just don’t understand it. Its just a skin condition, and doesn't make anyone less of a person. If I had run when my boyfriend told me he had it I would have a huge hole in my life right now. Hope you and your boyfriend are doing well and don’t be scared, just be sensible.