I got herpes from a doctor

Let me start with the best part of the story. I got herpes from a doctor. I was in a committed relationship with a medical doctor who knowingly had reoccurring herpes outbreaks on his penis for 7 years before we ever dated and lied to me. He told me he had only been exposed to it and did not have outbreaks. I myself had been tested before we dated and I had shown low levels of exposure as well to simplex 2 and I know definitively that I did not have outbreaks. I had disclosed all of this info to him before we had sex. He waited until after I had a full-blown outbreak to admit to me what he had done. That was by far the worst relationship I’ve ever been in. I eventually ended it after I told a friend what he had done.

I’m 31 years old never married no children and I feel in many ways like I’ll never get that opportunity. I’m currently dating a bunch of people at once. I'm an attractive woman so basically what I do is talk to several guys from a dating app that I’m interested in meeting. I had tried to date one at a time and I keep getting rejected so now what I do is I date several people at once and each time one rejects me I still have the others and that makes it less painful. I don’t have sex without them knowing. I never want anyone feeling the way I felt. They will always know. I am on a daily suppressant. I’m fairly certain (based on the blood test I had done) that it was Simplex 1 he gave me in the genital region. But I have not been able to get a good culture from my genitals to prove that. I would like any support or positive comments on how to tell people. I’ve only had told two people who both rejected me and it was via text. To be frank the reason I told him via text was because I expected them to not be OK with it and I didn’t even feel like talking about it in person. I just found for myself that it’s better not to be super committed to these people and to just have an accumulation of people that I’m talking. Now if one of them does accept me for having this then I will back the others off.

First, the way you are dating is absolutely reasonable, and you are doing exactly the right thing to lessen the impact of rejection!

As a dude, I dated this way, but more so because I got rejected a lot before I contracted herpes.

Also, I am really glad to know that you are upfront about your diagnosis. You are 100% right in not wanting to make someone else feel the way you did when you found out!

As far as how to disclose, I contracted while I was with my current girlfriend, and told her everything right away as it happened. Really glad I did, because we are still together and things are good.

Keep doing what you are doing!

There are tons of people out there who will find your honesty refreshing, and will be so happy to finally find a decent person in that ocean of bad people that it won't matter.

Herpes can't stop you from being a great person. When you do find a great person, you will probably realize like many have said, that herpes helps eliminate dishonest, selfish people. Only someone who genuinely cares about you will take disclosure in stride and take the time to get to know you.

I am sure that you are dealing / have dealt with many of the negative thoughts and emotions that are common among the H+ community. It's really tough sometimes. But your attitude toward it, and your mind set seems extremely resilient, and that's a really good thing!

@RegularGuy Thank you so much for all your suggestions and positivity. The main thing I was trying to get feedback on was how I handle the dating aspect and its very reassuring to know I'm handling it well :)

Sorry, I am confused about your experience and I am commenting in order to ensure people reading do not get confused about herpes and you understand that you may in fact not have received herpes from your relationship. I am also a physician so please don't think I am trying to defend him.

You stated, you had low levels of exposure to HSV-2 before you started in a relationship, but did not have any outbreaks. Unfortunately, there is no such thing as having exposure, but not being infected if you are basing it off serologic tests. You are either negative or have the disease. The test could have been a false positive, but I would like to dispel the notion that you can have the antibodies, and not be infected. As such, if you had a positive test before the outbreak you in fact already had herpes. In addition, it is unlikely he gave you HSV-1 from the outbreaks on his penis. Given the frequency you describe of his outbreaks, they sound like HSV-2. HSV-1 rarely re-occurs in the genital region (greater than 90% of recurrent outbreaks are HSV-2).

Did you have a negative blood test for HSV-1 before the incident (you should know that the common ELISA test misses approximately 30% of HSV-1 infections)?

@Jack101

I understand what you’re saying. And I understand I had herpes but I did not have visible outbreaks. My test was done 4 months before I met him. I tested positive for HSV2 and the levels were at .5, and I was negative for HSV1. He was the first person I was with after that test. After my relationship with him ended my test results were the following. HSV1 13.2 and HSV2 1.65.

However before I met him I had absolutely no history of visual outbreaks in any capacity. Upon having unprotected sex with him for the first time, six days later I had a full blown out break and when I say full blown I mean I had 20 to 30 weeping sores all over my genital region. That had never happened before. (and no I did not go to the doctor after he admitted to me what he did to get cultures of the sores. Frankly I felt violated, I just let the sores heal and took his valtrex that he prescribed for himself because I wasn't ready to verbalize to anyone what he did to me) Two days after we had unprotected sex he had an outbreak right beneath the head of his penis. I eventually learned that that was where his reoccurring sore was. Initially I thought we weren't sure which end we got it from then several days after my outbreak began he admitted he lied to me when he said he had never had problems with sores.

So what I am certain of is that he gave me a strain of whatever he had and did not disclose that he knew he had visible outbreaks. I understand that I was exposed to herpes and that means that I had it but it also meant that I was not having active outbreak’s. He was admitting to me that I likely developed the sores because of an issue he had that he did not disclose before we had unprotected sex. Had he been sincere with his condition, I would've assessed the situation accordingly with what I was comfortable with. Which would've been protected sex, unless I eventually married him. But when someone lies about reoccurring sores, you can't trust them to even be sincere about when they're having outbreaks. Unfortunately, based on his personality, I can't say he didn't deliberately know something was about to happen, and the night that it happened we were in candlelight so I had no way of clearly seeing anything wrong.

What he explained to me before we had unprotected sex was that he had been exposed to herpes and did not have visible outbreaks. Which he admitted was a lie later on when he had me at a point of disadvantage. He also admitted to me when we were together that he will not get a test done, because he doesn't want a record of his results. Hope that makes things a bit more coherent.

I am sorry about the situation. Misinformation about herpes is widespread and the old doctrine has been that you can not spread herpes unless you are having a outbreak. Your physician friend was likely in denial about his break outs believing if he didn't have any lesions, he could not spread the disease.

I am slightly concerned about this situation as I believe there may have been a misdiagnosis on your original report and further testing may be warranted. Though you have herpes it is uncertain whether it is type 1 or type 2 or both. My fear is that your original report for HSV-2 that demonstrated a low level of involvement was a false positive, given that you had no symptoms and a extreme reaction after the sexual experience, and in fact, may only be infected with one strand of herpes virus. This is important, as you may still be suspectible to the other strand.

May I know the timing of your herpes blood test in relation to the incident, the type of test used, and the values of the results. Further testing may be warranted based on these values.

first test was September 2015, second was September 2017. The infection occurred December 2015. There were blood tests. I don't know much more because the lab only called me. I'd have to get them to print my results.

The worst part is I know with 100% certainty (because he admitted it to me after my full blown outbreak) that he absolutely knew he had it. He had an ex that had it 7 years before and he got bumps on his penis after unprotected sex with her and then she admitted to him that she had these bumps before she met him that she wasn’t sure what they were. So instead of him going to get tested he made her go and get a blood test which showed the results. In the meantime he had doctors under the table write prescriptions for him until he was able to write a prescriptions for himself so that he never had to have a record of his tests.

I know how unbelievable that story sounds but I swear this is exactly how it happened. Like I said it really was the worst relationship I was ever in. He was an alcoholic and I finally ended it a year and a half later after he began to make threats of physical violence towards me. I think he was just being selfish because frankly he was very superficial. I was the most attractive person he had ever been with (he often told me this) and I don’t think he loved me for me, he love me for how I made him feel about himself. He was only interested in possessing me. Had this whole experience not occurred I likely would've ended things with him 2 months in, but the whole situation really messed with my sense of self worth. It's taken me a very long time to openly talk about this whole experience because of how violating it was. I feel very branded by what he did to me because I keep getting rejected and I have no ownership of what is happened because he absolutely knew what he was supposed to do in this situation and he made a conscious choice not to do it. On top of that he also admitted to me that before him and I became physical he wasn’t sure what to tell me and how to disclose, so he asked one of his broski doctor friends what to say, and his friend told him to tell me that he had only been exposed to it. Some of my friends want me to sue, frankly I have absolutely no interest in that. I don't want his money, and I certainly never want to be in his presence ever again. The damage is done. I just want to move on. But I am very grateful that I have this community to talk things out with. It really has been helpful.

Thank you for sharing your story. I wish more were as courageous as you in coming forward. It is my wish that the CDC and other medical groups would get rid of the term STI/STD. They are simply infections that can occur in a multitude of situations. In addition, I wish herpes testing was included on the standard STD panel with oral/genital herpes having equal equivalence and greater education provided about this condition to the public. With greater than 90% of the population infected with herpes it makes no sense for individuals to suffer a stigma when only 10% of the population is not affected.

I look forward to hearing about your test results. I favor that you may have contracted HSV-2 from him as the only way his former partner could have been diagnosed with genital herpes from a blood test would have been to have HSV-2 antibodies (as HSV-1 antibodies in a blood test are considered non-specific for site of origin).

@artgal101 from your above values (I am assuming the test was a Herpes-select) your original test with a HSV-2 value of 0.5 would have been negative, not positive. In addition, you current values of HSV-1:13.2 and HSV-2: 1.65 indicate you are likely infected with HSV-1. The HSV-2 value of 1.65 is just above the threshold and has a greater than 50% chance (in your case, it may be over 90% due to the extremely low value) of representing a false positive. I would inquire with my physician about obtaining a Western Blot for confirmation.

Though you have herpes, the type will determine how you proceed in relationships and what protection you have to use. HSV-1 has very few outbreaks, less than 1 per year (sometimes, it never reoccurs) and the majority of the population is positive for HSV-1 (orally or genitally)[some studies indicate greater than 60-70 percent of the population]. If you are in a relationship with someone that is HSV-1 positive (whether orally or genitally), you need not worry about infecting them with the virus again.

Not to insult your method of dating, but when you are disclosing your HSV-1 status with your prospective partners it may be useful for both of you to get a STD panel before you disclose. I say this because the majority of individuals are unaware of the high rate of HSV-1 infection and assume they do not have it, as they were infected orally as a small child and do not remember it. Just by the numbers more than 7-8 out of 10 will have either HSV-1 (6-7 out of 10) or HSV-2 (1 out of 5) or both. I feel you may be putting yourself at a disservice, disclosing your status to partners that do not know there status. In fact, you should assume 8 out of 10 people have HSV-1. Unfortunately, you and the doctor were one of the few people that were negative for HSV-1.

@Jack101 Thank you so much for all your input. I just wanted to updated you on my new test results. I had the immuno blot (western blot test) done. I learned I only have HSV1. Which means the exposure I had before I met the Dr with herpes to HSV2 was in fact a false positive. I only have HSV1 from the ex. I'm slowing moving on from the whole process and learning how to tell others.