I got herpes using a condom after one time; now extremely worried I will pass it on.

Hello- I contracted herpes2 2 months ago from someone that I knew had herpes. The person convinced me that there was a very low chance of transmittance. We only had sex once. We used a condom. He had no sign of an outbreak. I got my frist herpes outbreak 3 days later. I am now very concerned about passing this to others. The statistics suggest that the chance of getting it from one encounter are extremely low, but I contracted. it from one encounter using a condom.

I know there are a lot of thoughts and emotions happening, even if it has been a couple of months since your out break.

It's good to see that your post is regarding a constructive question.

Obviously, this would be something to ask a doctor about, but I thought I'd offer what little I can, because nobody has responded to your concern yet.

You are faced with 2 difficult obstacles regarding protecting others from transmission:

1. Shedding

2. Out Break

Out Break:

It should be apparent that any sore, blister, pimple, bump, cut, or nik should be considered a risk.

What many people don't know is that an out break might not display those more obvious symptoms, and you could still be risking transmission.

An out break can be swollen lymph nodes, itching (even occasional moment through out the day), pain, painful urination, or a whole host of other subtle symptoms. Risk of transmission is much higher during an out break, even a subtle one.

Shedding:

This is most likely to occur without symptoms when your immune system has not had enough time to get herpes under control. Early on, the virus can "shed" and transmit, even if you aren't going through an out break at all.

This is more likely to happen with type 2, but HSV1 can shed as well.

Talk to your doctor about the risk of transmission, particularly in reference to having been diagnosed 2 months ago.

Apparently, (and I am no expert so don't take my word for it) you are likely to shed earlier on, but antiviral and condoms help reduce risk of transmission.

As you know, the risk is never going to be zero. Because of this fact, it's important to be honest and upfront about having herpes with anyone you plan to get physical with well before getting intimate. Give that person you are attracted to the opportunity to make an informed decision and give you consent.

Anyone worth your time will appreciate honesty, and will see that you are trying to be responsible.

The person that convinced you of that small chance may not have done anything explicitly wrong, but now it's up to you to decide how you handle things from this day on.

I personally didn't get any heads up. Maybe out of lack of a partner getting "that ingrown hair" checked out, or maybe out of fear of disclosing, or maybe they didn't want to give me a fair chance to make my own informed decision. I will likely never know.

Bit I decided that I will be upfront and honest all the time, and get informed consent every time just like I did before I was H+.

The only way to do that now is to say the words out loud, " I have herpes" surrounded by facts that don't detract from the hard truth that it is communicable. And take as much precaution as I reasonably can. Antiviral treatment, washing hands well, abstaining when in doubt.

I know I don't want anyone to feel the fear, shock, and temporary loss of identity I went through. Especially not someone who likes me enough to be at risk of transmission.

Whats really important is to learn *your* body and learn what symptoms look like for you. You can't go through life assuming every slight itch/irritation/shave bump is herpes. As I've adjusted to the diagnosis I have come to start learning my body and realize what is/isn't HSV related for me. If I regarded every one of the above occurrences as a symptom I would be symptomatic the vast majority of the time. I've had one outbreak and it was four blisters in one cluster, I have GHSV1. I have learned to regard a slight itch/irritation that goes away quickly as just that. I have also learned that what a shave bump looked like for me before, is what a shave bump looks like for me now. This has helped to reduce my stress and anxiety over things. It does help that I'm engaged and while he doesn't want it if he doesn't have it, he doesn't see it as a huge deal. We also don't know if he already has it because we haven't gotten him tested and he doesn't care either way.

The point is not to freak out over every slight thing that is off, but to take the time to learn *your* body. This will help you prevent transmission with future partners without living on edge 24/7

@ash2018

"The point is not to freak out over every slight thing that is off, but to take the time to learn *your* body. This will help you prevent transmission with future partners without living on edge 24/7"

Totally right, and I completely botched what I was trying to say. Thanks for stepping in with that!

Thank you for this information. Since two months ago, my symptoms have not completely gone away. I know longer have blisters but I have been inflamed and had little bumps all up my buttcrack (gross). They have been there almost continuously. So I assume it is still herpes? I have decided maybe I need to go on the antivirals for a year and abstain from dating til at least a year til I figure this out. However, I have been taking the antivirals almost the whole time and still have these symptoms. I hope they go away eventually! I can't ride a bike or be as active as I would like either. I know a lot of people have few symptoms at all and am frustrated that I am one of the unfortunate people that seem to have a lot of symptoms.

It's hard to say whether the bumps are herpes for certain. I know when I had my first outbreak my mind was constantly on it and I was so worked up and anxious ALL the time which led to constantly sweating in that area and my entire crack (no such thing as TMI on here!) was red and raw from the constant moisture.

One thought I have is maybe trying a different antiviral. For some reason some people have varying success with different ones. I'm on suppressive therapy and thankfully haven't had another outbreak but had all kinds of weird symptoms for a while and still randomly do have weird feelings like an itch in one spot that was super sensitive from the beginning, but totally separate from the spot I had an outbreak. To make things more difficult to discern, I have a history of vulvodynia for which my symptoms involved irritated/burny/itchy feelings... I had come off of meds for that successfully after a few years but went back on and they've helped tremendously with the strange sensations so who really knows! This virus is quite frustrating! It's hard not to let it run your life but I'm determined not to

I'm sorry, @outdoorsgal. A diagnosis can be enough of a blow on its own, but to be the "unlucky" person who gets it from one encounter with a condom would make anyone pretty pissed off and anxious about future transmission. My diagnosis was 18 months ago and I'm still very annoyed that I got it from one of a small handful of encounters with condoms, but my ex-husband of 15 years never got it from me. I get it.

In processing my own diagnosis, I've started to view risk in general quite differently:

Sometimes, shit happens. Sometimes, I'm the unlikely statistic. It sucks. And it's both normal and healthy to be angry for a while (just not forever!). Ultimately, some shit is beyond our control. The only thing truly within our control is our response to shit.

In addition to finding out I have HSV1 and HSV2 last year, I've also been healing from a divorce, but I've started to think I might actually start dating again next year. Today, my thoughts run something like this: Dude, I can't change the fact that I have HSV. It's never going away. So either you need to be totally okay with the risk, no matter how small, or I'm moving on. I now know that I will truly be okay if I am never in another committed relationship again. I don't believe for a second that I'm doomed to that fate, but it's going to make me really intolerant of a prospective partner who is anxious about HSV.

{{{hugs}}}

How you can be 100% sure you got it from him?

Was that your first time having sex?

It was the first time I had sex with this person. He told me he had it but had never given it to someone. I guess I did not fully understand the risk, as I did not think I would get it so easily. I really liked the guy but we had only known each other short time. We only had sex the one time before I had to leave for a work trip. I got it day 3 of the work trip. I'm a 40 year-old attractive person. I've never been married. I feel my world has turned upside down. I would like to find a long term relationship but I worry it may never happen now.

Bar you ever had sex before this guy?

I got HVS2 from protected sex and I only did it twice both times with protection. I know how you feel. It's tough luck. My brother was with a woman who had it for 6 years and he never got it! I don't understand it at all.

Yea you can herpes even with condoms.

Big deal.

If you are afraid of getting herpes than dontntabe sex with anyone because the majority of people have it.

It's really not a big deal.

If your fear of getting herpes is greater than you're desire to have sec, then maybe take a vow of chastity. Otherwise to complain or worry about getting herpes because 9/10 have it.

Herpes is not a big deal.

Pharmaceutical companies want you to think tha It is so they can sell you pills.