Not sure how to handle things now

I have recently ended a 27 yr marriage in which I contacted both oral and genital herpes. Figuring out what to do and not to do was never an issue before. I have no idea how to talk to a man about this or if I can also give anyone the oral part of this, I assume that I can. There's so much out there and what ever you want to believe it seams to be available. So what's the real scoop? How do I talk to him? How do I not pass on both forms of herpes?

Where do you suggest I go for reliable information?

Welcome, @Mikkim. Yes, you could transmit oral HSV1 to someone's genitals through oral sex. Keep in mind that a huge percentage of the U.S population (50-90%..it increases as you age) has oral HSV1, and only a third of those ever have cold sores.

One of my favorite graphics that shows the prevalence of HSV is here:

http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/

In other words, someone you date is being exposed to herpes frequently--they usually just don't know it!

One of my favorite sources for factual information about herpes is Terri Warren, a nurse practitioner who ran an STD clinic for several decades and is also a herpes researcher. She has a full book on Amazon which I highly recommend. You can get the "cliff notes" version here:

https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/

Adrial has a lot of information about disclosures on this website, and you'll see a number of conversations about it on this forum, especially in the related categories on the left side of your screen.

There is no way to completely prevent transmission. Antivirals and condoms reduce transmission from female to male down to about 1% per year (assuming sex twice weekly), but nothing is going to eliminate the risk entirely.

Can I give it to a man by kissing him @hikingGirl?

Yes. A quick peck....highly unlikely. More likely to transmit with a cold sore, so avoid kissing if you have one. PLEASE do not let this keep you from kissing....one of the greatest pleasures in life!! The **vast najority** of adults already have oral HSV1. And if they do, you can't assume transmission. I also have both HSV 1 and 2. My ex husband and I were together for 16 years and he tested negative for both a year after our divorce (I wasn't aware of my status until after we were divorced, so I had both for 18-25 years and had no idea. Transmission is not a given.

Wow, I thought you could get it on the first contact, I have no idea how long I've had it. I was sure my husband was messing around on me and asked my doctor to test me for everything and guess what popped up. That was November or December, so I could have had this for years before, I asked to be tested in early 2014 but I don't know if they tested for this or not. Guess I should find out. Thank you so much for all your help. I feel much better now and I feel like I'm much more educated thanks to you.

Some people have gotten it from one encounter....one of many examples of how unpredictable the virus is. And you're welcome. We learn more as a community than we ever could on our own!