boyfriend in denial

this is my first time posting ... I have been going through some frustrating things with my boyfriend , and I need some advice or to see if others have had similar problems with their partners.

I was diagnosed with hsv1 of the genitals... two and a half years ago. I noticed symptoms 2 days after having sex with my boyfriend ...we had only been seeing each other for 2 months at the time and usually wore protection...that time we did not. the test came back positive for hsv1 and I told him that. He immediately denied it...saying the doctors were wrong and that he had never had any symptoms ... i asked him to get a blood test and he would not go.... so i had a couple more outbreaks after that the first year. he still denied it and would not go get tested... by the way i recently found out he has been cheating on me the whole time we have been together with multiple people ... it has been a little over a year since I've had an outbreak, and now I'm having one again... still he denies I have it or that he does...

he has been pressuring me to have 3 somes and be into a "swinger" lifestyle ...otherwise he gets bored and wants to cheat.... I don't know why I'm staying with him...maybe it's because I'm so worried no one will want to be with me if they know I have herpes ... i told him that he needs to go get tested or I can't continue our relationship ...and that we can't have these sexual adventures without him being tested and coming to terms with the fact that I have it ...and he most likely gave it to me.... and that we will have to disclose this information to these potential "flings" ....he agreed to get tested ..but he doesn't want me to go...I have suspicion that he will lie and not really go...but he said he would bring the paper work....I just wanted to share my story ...thank you for listening ...maybe some of you have had experiences with denial in relationships.

Hi, @ann1626, and welcome. Please know that I say this with love:

He has made it very clear that he does not value you. I hope that YOU will start valuing yourself enough to end the relationship immediately. You deserve better. Not only from men, but from yourself. I know it's scary....terrifying, initially....to be alone. But you will grow strong and confident with time, and start attracting healthy relationships. Even with herpes. {{hugs}}

@HikingGirl thank you for your advice and honesty... anyone in their sane mind would agree with you ...and I do too... I know this is a toxic relationship and I've not even gone half of the terrible things in this relationship... every time I do "leave" or try to he turns into dr. jekell and mr. hyde... he becomes the sweetest guy...then back to the same toxic behavior after I let him back in my life... he is very manipulative .... my self worth has been whittled away.... I would have never put up with any of this before ...but i find i don't even recognize myself anymore.... I hope i am strong enough one day to really leave him...

none of this helps me in dealing with my herpes issue ...and at one point I found myself saying...maybe he is right I don't have it and the dr. was wrong...but I know this isn't the case...I do have it... he most likely gave it to me...and then with him cheating...he is spreading it and not telling others he has it ...because he is in denial ...he "says" he has an appointment next week....after 2 and half years he is finally going... I don't know how accurate blood tests are for herpes ...he says he has never had symptoms and that no one from his past has ever caught it from him...I don't know what to believe from him anymore ... he lies a lot.

I can definitely relate. My biggest regret about my divorce two years ago is that I didn't have the guts to pull the plug. I was miserable, but I was also terrified about being alone and how my world would be turned upside down.

Eventually, my ex pulled the plug. I was a bit discombobulated at first, especially when I found out I had herpes a year later. Now that both items are in the rear view mirror, I wish I would have left years ago. It hasn't always been easy, and I've had to be very intentional about moving forward, but it has been SO worth it. And where my own self-esteem and confidence were in the crapper, both have bounced back and I feel happier and stronger than ever.

i'm so happy that you overcame everything...very inspiring to me!

i am finally leaving him! i feel very scared and excited at the same time...