I plan to disclose, but the fact is heavy on me. Any success stories to share?

Hi all, I'm new here to this site. I was diagnosed with type 2 genital herpes in June, from a girl who had failed to disclose, and have broken up with said girl in September due to other issues (related to the theme of dishonesty).

However, I've gotten over that and accepted my particular predicament, and have accepted the fact that disclosure is non-negotiable. No one should have had to go through what I did; a choice would have made catching herpes much less frightening, as catching it has brought me to understand an entire culture of misinformation surrounding it, and be much more accepting and loving of others who live with STDs. I was lucky to have very supportive friends and family carry me through the process, and I can only recommend coming out to those closest to you if you feel alone.

It really is very easy to manage, although for me I've had about 3 breakouts (which is quite a lot apparently) but each less severe than the other, and the current one is not painful at all. It's simply just there. They're slowing down, and doctors are telling me that the suppressive therapy I will begin to undergo tomorrow will, if not get rid of them, slow them down tremendously.

But now to my issue:

I've recently met an amazing girl, one who I fall for more and more every day, and we seem to really be hitting it off. I don't have herpes of the mouth, so we've been making out a lot, and we text and talk all the time. What's been eating at me is I keep avoiding all the sexual tension and fun between us, in hopes of finding a better time to disclose my situation to her. I'm confident I won't be judged, but I'm not sure whether she'll want to be with me afterwards (I'm only 19 and so is she, so she has a lot to experience still already), which I know is pretty much the only common factor with these posts. I have what I'm going to say ready and memorized, and I'm going to tell her after we've gone out for dinner on Friday, so we're in a good state of mind, but not in the heat of the moment (which people can make silly decisions in; exhibit A: me).

I guess this is all to gather some reaction from like-situational people here. I am a straight male, so needless to say I haven't had an overwhelming influence from other straight males in my situation so far, not to say they're weak for not attributing any. I've heard and received the testimony of many brave girls who have had to disclose and have been successful, are there any guys on here that could tell me stories of their success?

If I came off as snarky or a little too confident here I apologize, I'm just thrilled to find somewhere where I can share my experiences and hear that of others :)

I am reading the success stories avidly, but just wondering if any straight guy, maybe around my age or WAS around my age in this predicament (19), has a success story or just general advice for me. :)

Hey Cojo, you sound a lot like me in terms of the situation you were put in and the way you're dealing with it. I'm 27 though, and had periods of panic where I wasn't so cool about it. I haven't disclosed to anyone I had intentions with.. but aside from family and best friends, I did disclose to a few girls I met through dating apps since I was curious how they'd react and felt like some support. They were surprised but I think it went down well that I was taking steps to control it, protect others, and was open about it. It didn't put them off the idea of dating at all, although I did know them quite well already. In terms of your talk, I know this doesn't really help.. but possibly this girl sees a lot of qualities in you already that are bigger than hsv. Some guys on here would say to blast it out with confidence like it's not a big deal, but I've always imagined lowering my guard a bit, admitting it's a sensitive point but I have to address it because she deserves to know. I like your choice of Friday after dinner.. interested to hear how it goes. Nothing about that post sounded snarky don't worry, fingers crossed for you.

Hello @CoJo,

I have had herpes since I was 20 and I am now almost 49.

Learn as much as you can about herpes. Be prepared for many questions. Print out the ebook and handouts and have them available for her. Even if this turns out to be a deal breaker you can at least educate her.

If you have not read it already I recommend you check out WCSDancer2010's blog http://supporttruthanddialog.com/. It has tons of great information and advice. Using Herpes as your wingman http://supporttruthanddialog.com/using-herpes-as-your-wingman/ should be required reading for everyone who comes to HOPP.

Disclosure is never easy, but as you've read in many of the success stories it is doable. Good luck to you, I hope it works out well for you.

No not at all did you come off snarky! Actually I was very impressed and you are mature beyond your age! There are some people on here, that could realwlead by your example, because you just encapsulated everything that we advocate around here and we love it and support you 110%! Very impressed w you young man!

We don't have as many young men as yourself coning here, but I'm sure @adrial can add something here to support you! Good luck and keep your chin up. I think showing your vulnerability to her, stating how much she means to you and that trust is imperative for any relationship ship, would be a good start to open that convo.

Sorry for the late update! I disclosed and she accepted me. We haven't had sex yet, but she said she was thankful I told her. She stayed the night and it really was a special time in my life I don't think I'll ever forget.

I realise how lucky I am not facing rejection on my first disclosure. I thank every who had posted about their experiences in the forums, and also you guys who commented with your advice and experience. Reading everything here gave me a lot of confidence and reassurance in myself.

So thanks again, I'll keep you updated on the, no doubt, challenge of disclosing my first outbreak to her. As of late, I'm very happy :)

Aawwww . omg!!! Totally gushubg over here like a girly that I am so not! Trust me dude. I said I'd ever date a guy e an STD pre H and I actually married one w present genital warts. Don't assume for other's, that they won't see your worth! Trust me, she respects you more than you'd ever fathom, for telling her please do keep us updated!

@CoJo

Hello and Welcome!

Sorry I'm late to the party but our wonderful community seems to have done a great job of supporting you..... and soooo happy to hear about your own personal Success Story! I'm going to change the category here to Success Story and put it into my stash of links because we DO need more perspectives from men here... (I apologise for not managing to see this in time because I DO have a few SS's from men that I would have pointed you to but I'm dealing with my aging father and was with him for the last week getting him back home from rehab after a fall)

Please keep us posted here! I'd love to hear how things progress!