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Disclosing Via Text


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It might seem impersonal, but maybe it's more effiecient and might be able to convey that you don't think it's a huge deal.

 

You can text someone a lot of info that they can see for themselves. A lot of the points that we talk about here.

 

My first disclosures were through text with girls I had hooked up with. I let them know that I had it so they could get checked out. Sent them the infos.

 

Still had sex with them after they found out. Raw sex with one of them even. Maybe it worked because I already knew them.

 

Anyone here disclose over text? Maybe we can craft the perfect herpes disclosure text.

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1) I would never disclose through text, but that's me.... for one thing, it's FAR too easy for the person to bolt when it might just take a little heart to heart for them to calm down and decide to get more informed. And for *me* ... ANY kind of info that might be assumed/interpreted as "bad" really should be done at least on the phone if not in person. For one thing it puts a FACE to the issue, and you can explain things easier.

 

2) There's NO SUCH THING as the "perfect" disclosure text/talk/whatever. So much has to do with exactly what has led the pair of you to that point, things you may have already discussed, YOUR personal experience with H, etc.

 

Personally, this just seems to me to be another attempt by you to avoid the very *personal* issue of disclosure that might result in rejection... to avoid the pain or embarrassment of a face to face or even phone disclosure. But let me tell you, vulnerability is SEXY, especially to a woman. So I strongly suggest that you reconsider before you come up with your "perfect text disclosure" ;)

 

Vulnerability
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HippyHerpy, have you looked through the FAQ section yet? A lot of the topics you've been bringing up have been discussed in previous posts that I've compiled there. Make sure to check there first before starting something brand new because you may be able to participate in pre-existing conversations:

https://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1758/frequently-asked-questions-on-herpes-and-popular-conversations#latest

 

(This topic is under the heading "Should I have the herpes talk face-to-face or not?")

This content is for informational purposes only. This information does not constitute medical advice or diagnosis. I'm not a medical professional, so please take this as friendly peer support. 

Helpful resources:

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When my ex shared with me after 3 months of dating (no sex yet) that he has genital warts and how upset he was with it, it broke my heart seeing him so vulnerable and made me want to take care of him, not push him away. Women are suckers for vulnerability to be shown by a man. We're hopeless romantics, so vulnerability and humility go a long way with us.

 

We just had a female disclose a lot over text and never heard anything back and now she's anxious wondering if she will. I don't think you'd like to be left in a cliff hanger like that. I have two friends who have disclosed over texts and got positive results, but obviously looking someone in the eyes is better.

 

If you're so adamant about not doing it face to face, sending the disclosure document with the statistics of transmission on one page would be a better way of doing it. At least you're disclosing and at the same time, giving them accurate information to process.

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I strongly considered disclosing over text. I thought it was a good idea but that was only because I was afraid. I was afraid of not saying the right thing. I was afraid of his reaction. I was trying to reveal something about myself without being vulnerable.

I requested advice and thankfully, my Mother stepped in and told me "Hey, you guys communicate so well. Just talk to him and tell him." I am so grateful she gave me that advice because we talked about it. He consoled me a bit (even though I presented myself as strong and confident :) and he shared some stories he had about friends who have it. It was bonding experience for us both. I feel that a text can be a barrier. That is my personal opinion.

 

So @hippyherpy you have disclosed and still gotten some? I thought you said you have been unsuccessful. Did you mean only with girls you meet at bars?

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I told three of my ladies who seem to be down. Did it with two of them and almost one last night- my ex girlfriend, but we didn't get around to it because we spent so much time educating her on herpes and she had to go to the gym.

 

I think you girls in here shouldn't worry about not being able to get some. Before I got herpes, I had sex with two women who disclosed to me. After I did it, I was freaking out a little (because I was ignorant of what heroes really is), but I still did it.

 

Those girls made it super easy for me to have sex with them.

 

A man can have a hard time saying no if there is easily available pussy in front of him, even if it has herpes. That's how a woman can use her sexuality to get advantage with disclosure.

 

A guy has to put himself in similarly sought after position to minimize the herpes thing. Look at someone like Derek Jeter who supposedly gave herpes to a bunch of Hollywood actresses like Scarlet Johanssen and Jessica Alba. They probably didn't care about the herpes thing because they were bout to hook up with a famous baseball player.

 

If you make yourself that attractive or hot or whatever, STDs probably don't carry much relative weight to compared to everything else you are bringing to the table.

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That is why I think it is soooooooo important to work on yourself. We need to love ourselves unconditionally. Naturally confidence will come. Confidence is key. If you are comfortable with all you bring to the table, someone can't help but to feel the same way. I also feel communication is key. How you tell someone you have herpes is important. If I am making out with a guy and we are about to go to the next level and he is like "Oh yea I have herpes" then continues to try to take off my panties. I would be like "Wait a minute....what??" Now if he talked to me prior to the hot steamy level and was like "I think you are so beautiful, I like your personality and I know we both want to take this to the next level tonight. I just want you to know prior to, that I have herpes. Because I know about this, I take all the precautions to make the risk extremely minimal. The truth is you are safer with me than with someone else who may not know....which is very common. Honesty is important. I respect you, so I want to give you the choice." Something to that effect. If he came to me as a confident and caring person, that would be such a turn on. The truth is sex is a risk and deep down we all know it. So a man who can be up front and honest, a man who cares enough to become vulnerable out of respect for me......mmmmmhhhmmm that is SO sexy :)

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If I was a woman talking about men the way I do my experience with girls, y'all would probably be like "you go girl!" haha. No need for double standards.

 

In my life women are important, but they aren't my main concern. I have several girlfriends, and feel strong connections with them. I also like to hang out with new girls often.

 

It's 2015 so don't shame the free love ;)

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@Anna01 Sorry, I was not referring to you!

 

To the OP, I have no problem with casual sex. I am not shaming free love. I did my share of experimenting when I was younger, but I didn't talk about men or their health so flippantly, and I certainly didn't think of them as mere tools/collateral in my pursuit of an orgasm. There are things that can happen from sex that are much more significant than herpes. One would think that the fact that you contracted an STD would assist in maturing your viewpoint on the matter. You have created a lot of noise on this board the last few days, and I think that you probably enjoy that.

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He won't answer how old he is, I've asked several times already and he refuses to acknowledge the ill of his ways. You're coming to a site, where the vast majority are females and most of us that provide support are females, so you should show us some respect. We're not having a girls night and cackling amongst one another and talking about man meat and is the reason we don't talk in such a way on here, because it needs to be warm and inviting for EVERYONE. Nobody wants to provide support to someone who is disrespectful about females and making digs at them, being we are females helping YOU. Have some decency for the love of God. Also, knock off making immature comments such as we are hating or shaming anything, as none of us are actually doing that but you! You are shaming women on here. Act like a decent and respectable human being, as hard as they may be for you, while posting on here. You are offensive, rude, cocky and obnoxious. You are completely oblivious by ignorance or by choice, on self reflection and the ill of your ways. You can get answers, w out talking down to people and talking about women like they are two cents whores. We don't give AF if they made it easy or how you get "pussy" as you said, leave all that out of here. If this continues w your disrespect, I will report you, which coukd result in being booted off. You have offended every single female in here. You are disruptive to what has been a positive and peaceful environment, until you decided to enlighten us w your chauvinistic and misogynist ways. Gross.... Grow up

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I haven't disrespected anyone. You are the one who keeps picking on me, non stop. I've had people on here pm me that they agree with me are clearly too afraid to say anything less the incur the kind of attention that you are giving me.

 

Clearly we have different lifestyles. I don't put you down, so stop trying to put me down.

 

Stop saying that the women I hang out with are whores- you don't know them and are jumping to conclusions.

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Hahahah! Ok... I'm sure .. And I can assure you, others on here agree w me. You don't get to decide who feels disrespected.. People feel offended and are discu by your posts and yes, others have said it too. Nobody is picking on you... Everyone has said the same to you, I've said, but you took things too far this time. Wtf!? I never called the women whores, something is off w you.....

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Hahhaa! No.... I didn't.. Which I find very disturbing how much you've twisted peoples words ... Dancer has called you put on it several times, so have I and so have other's. It's not normal and here you are doing it again. You need to seek professional help asap.. You are disruptive to a peaceful environment.. Nothing like this has ever happened, until you came in here since I've been on.

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OOOOOKAAAAYYYY!!! TIME OUT AGAIN!

 

Folks. While I understand where you may be coming from, whatever you think of @hippyherpy, this is NOT the place for judgement, attacks, slurs, or anything BUT giving out information and support.

 

I have already pointed out to one of you on here, but I'm going to put this out there for ALL of you to read and chew on:

 

If you are thinking someone *should* be a certain way, you are JUDGING. I don't agree with MANY things I have read on here, but my/our place is to give SUPPORT first and foremost.

 

If you have ANY anger in your heart when you are about to reply, WALK AWAY FROM THE COMPUTER and come back later. I do it ALL.THE.TIME. (Not just here, FB, emails, whatever). The minute your reply has the intonation of an attack, of judgement, of anger, you pretty much guarantee to put the person on the defense - at which point you won't get anywhere no matter how "reasonable" you are trying to be.

 

and .... We HAVE had this kind of thing happen in the past. Several times. We WILL remove anyone who insists on attacking anyone on here and personally I'm pretty damned pissed off and disappointed after reading this post. While I don't always agree with how @hippyherpy sees things, I've been FAR more upset with how some of you are ganging up on him.

 

So - as of right now, if you can't CONTRIBUTE by SUPPORTING his education and understanding of what we are trying to create here, I'm going to have to ask you to stop replying to ANYTHING @hippyherpy writes on here. Understood?

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Well...this is my first input here.....

 

First...i dont think his age matters....I have dealt with men of all ages from the 20s to their 60s, it really is irrevelant...I personally dont care about his lifestyle....its his choice, and if the women know that he is in multiple sexual relationships at the same time....who cares, they are consenting adults.

 

As far as the initial question of texting....granted, it is a way of not confronting the issue...but i dont see it as a bad thing....he is disclosing..i think that is the main point. What happens after that, again, their business. I dont think there is a right or wrong way to disclose....as long as you disclose...There are careless people out there that will not even do that.

 

I did disclose to one via facebook chat..

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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