A lost cause

[foreverloneliness]

So I have the H. I contracted it from my ex girlfriend. When I found out I accepted it thinking we would be together forever we had unprotected sex for 3 years and it was great. But she left me. Now I'm in a bad state. I have tried to move on I actually told a woman my condition and she didn't care. But when it came to business and I could not perform while wearing a condom she said I was pathetic and gross. I can't go through that again. I am far to embarrassed to tell anyone else and ashamed that I can't please a woman ever again. Am I a lost cause? The outcome is bleak.

[Kristin (breatheandletgo)]

Forever, you will find a new normal. In fact, this is a real opportunity to work on yourself, accept yourself and love the parts of you that feel ashamed or broken. What that girl said to you was unkind and she doesn't sound like a good choice for an intimate partner. Her rejection of you was about HER, not about you or herpes.

 

Rejection is about the other person. Their preferences, their own issues. Rejection happens to everyone many times in life. It's just a part of being human. But if you learn to use it to grow, it will be an opportunity for you to tend to the hurts in your heart. What does her rejection touch on inside of you? Tend to that hurt.

 

If you are deciding your future is bleak because of what she said, you are giving her a lot of power! If her reaction to a situation gets to determine your worth or how lovable you are or your future, isn't that giving her a little too much power? And do you really want to give her that? Should we all call her to see if we are lovable and have hope? ;)

 

I am messing with you, but I want you to see how things can get so out of proportion in your head. Begin to do the work of learning to love and accept yourself as you are. If you do that, you won't ever give someone else the power to shake you to your core or change your view of yourself. You might feel disappointment or a momentary ache from unmet expectations after rejection, but your peace and sense of hope will come from within.

 

You are only a lost cause if you give up, Forever. Don't give up on yourself. You are worth fighting for...so fight. Tell yourself the truth: this was one girl, one situation. Your anxiety will lessen as you practice taking care of yourself emotionally. And when you have done that, the sex issues will resolve themselves. I have no doubt with a loving partner you will be able to enjoy a satisfying sexual experience, condoms or not.

 

Be the love of your own life right now. Journal and practice being grateful for the blessings of every day. Giving to or serving others in some way can be very healing too. Those are just ideas...you'll have to find your own way here, but there are lots of us with you on the journey.

 

Stay strong and know your future is yours to create.

 

Peace,

Kristin

 

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Forever - because Adrial is not here, I will give you the Adrial advice - You need to change your name to something positive because our words affect how we feel about ourselves. Maybe try something like foreverhappiness? :)

 

I agree with everything Kristin said. That girl was reacting from her own stuff. Her opinion of you can only affect you if you accept it as truth. It's not truth and on some level you know that but I totally get that feeling of rejection. If you are feeling down and vulnerable, then it opens the door for people like her to come in and say those horrible and untrue things. Don't buy it but see it as a challenge to really love and accept yourself. Herpes has a way of slowing things down and creating a real sense of intimacy between people. If you were feeling loved and accepted by your partner then your body would react accordingly. I would take your lack of being able to rise to the occasion as a great indicator that your body and your spirit knew something that maybe you didn't want to see - she wasn't right for you. And that, my friend, is a good thing! It means you will always keep yourself safe. Love that beautiful, loving, amazing spirit that you are. Herpes is a great teacher. It has been such a blessing in my life. I have learned to love and accept myself more and to slow things down and not allow toxic people in to my life. I have saved myself so much heartache by having to take the time to really get to know someone first.

 

Thank you so much for sharing because you know you are not the only person who has gone through this pain and by sharing your story, you are helping others as well. We are all here to love and support you as you heal. My prayer is that the next girl will see that lovely person that you are and appreciate the gift that you are. Trust me, when she is the right girl, all will be well. :)

[Judith]

Hi Foreverhappiness,(sorry use directly your new positiv name)

if a girl let you down directly after this she was anyway not the right one for you. This happend to a lot of guys i meet even without herpes, you were responsible and nervous about that situation and this dont mean that you never can please a woman again.If you find a nice girl and you both feel confortable to take that step, your mind will relax and there will be no problem at all.You only need to feel good about that situation. Next time let yourself bit more time to know that girl a bit better and you will see that things will change.

big hug

[foreverloneliness]

Thank you and God bless. I dont know what to say. I have spent the last week crying and telling myself that I am no use to anyone. I don't sleep well and when I do I have nightmares I haven't eaten in a week I feel like my spirit is broken and that right woman is nowhere to be found. All I ever wanted in life is to find that special someone to hold me when times are tough and tell me everything will be alright. But I am to scared and weak to confide in someone again. The Lord has blessed me with happy times in my past. But my future seems dark and lonely.

[Beckie]

Hi Forever,

 

As the saying goes, you're in the shit. I have been there, and I know it sucks the big one. It can feel helpless and hopeless....and losing hope can be a really scary thing. But I have to tell you, it's NOT TRUE that you're no use to anyone. You have amazing qualities, and I can say that without knowing you personally because EVERYONE has amazing qualities....we just have to see them in ourselves. We have to choose to focus on them, make them stronger, allow them to shine through. You've been really, really hurt, and as a friend, I'd suggest that you attend to those parts of yourself that need your love and nurturing. There are many resources out there that could help you to do that. But to intend for another relationship right now, when you're this low and dark....my hunch is that you wouldn't attract something super healthy and it might just prolong the inevitable - spending time with all those parts of yourself that you find unlovable. I believe with all my heart that when we can truly, deeply love ourselves, we open up to be able to receive in the love we truly deserve in the form of honouring relationships. Just my thoughts. Sending you big love and hugs, xo Beckie