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How to still have a good sex life?

So I don't plan on dating anytime soon. I'm still getting comfortable with all this and I need to..re-accept myself. But down the road, when I'm dating someone, how do I keep things going when I have an outbreak? What creative things do you guys do when you can't have sex or kiss? I'm just looking for positive stuff to this virus, to keep me from getting super bummed about not being able to do stuff with my future guy.

One more question..I hate to ask this but whether or not I'm having an OB, can a guy still touch me down there or is that not even an option even when I'm not having an OB? Can someone just wash their hands after? :/


  • Great questions.

    Even if you are having an outbreak, a guy can't get it from fingering you. I suppose the only way that could happen is if they finger you and then directly put their hands on their genitals. A good hand washing should do the trick for sure.
    Outbreaks are shorter and come in wider spans as time goes on.
    Your body builds the appropriate antibodies so that the outbreaks clear up much faster.
    I compare it to having your period for a week or less and just having to hold off on the sexual stuff.

    There's always other options to make you feel connected with your partner.
    It could be through touch. massage.
    or relaxation. taking a bath together.
    playing games, cuddling up by a fireplace, sharing stories. There's all sorts of ways to connect :O)
  • Thanks Cedar. :) sjj238, as Cedar has already said, it's like making do when you have your period. You find ways to be intimate without having sex and it's no different with an outbreak. You can tease the hell out of each other that week and have fun and experiment with things like massage. It gives you an opportunity to create a space for intimacy, rather than sex, which is really amazing. That is the gift in this virus - it helps to slow things down and, in my opinion, intensify the connection in a real way. You will find you way and what works for you. Make it fun! Be playful with your partner and tell him ways that you will drive him crazy and how it can be more about him. Now what guy is not going to be all over that?? :) If you make it fun enough, he may be looking forward to your next OB!
  • edited May 2013
    Thanks, you two! A massage is an excellent idea :) I looove when people rub my back. I give really good ones so I always ask for one in return haha ;)

    Call me old fashioned, but I'm waiting until I get married to go all the way with a guy. I think that's why H bummed me out so so much. I guess everyone feels invincible to getting it until boom...you're the one who has it. But I really like your ideas for working around an OB! That makes me feel a little less bummed :)
  • And I like that you related an OB to getting your period-never thought about it that way! :)
  • I thought of another question...with oral herpes, is it ok to share toothpaste, food, and drinks? Or should I steer clear of those things completely, even when not having an OB?
  • Hi sjj238,

    yeah the both are absolutey right the OB allways come with your period or when you maybe have couple of drinks to much and you immunsystem is down and yeah you will find other ways of sex when you have an outbreak down there.Anyway sure you can share your toothpaste(not the brush ofcourse :) ) but you souldnt let anyone drink from your glass or eat someting what you touched with your mouth if you have oral herpes.If this person only have a little open sore you probably will infect that person...i kissed my ex ones on his neck after he shaved and since then he get sometimes a little outbreak there.
    wish you a great evening
  • Thanks Judith!
  • Hey sjj238,

    Here's a quote about herpes transmission from one of the great handouts found on this site:

    "Herpes is transmitted via skin-to-skin contact in a warm/moist environment (mostly genitals/mouth). Herpes is transmitted only when the contagious area of the skin contacts the mucous membrane or a crack in the surface of the skin."


    Based on this fact, you don't have to worry about sharing food or drinks. Dr. Leone also talks about herpes transmission in the video...it's a great watch if you haven't already seen it (he starts talking about this very topic about 30 minutes into the video). There's a link to the video at the top of the forum home page.

    Hope this helps!

    xo Beckie

  • Thanks Beckie! :)
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