Facts about passing on herpes?

[foreverloneliness]

So I have H. And I feel like a lost cause. I know I can't tell anyone I hope to be intimate with. I'm not strong enough and I won't be intimate with someone without telling them. My ex girlfriend gave it to me orally and when we found out she accepted it. We had unprotected sex for 3 yrs and were happy with each other. Now she has left me and I can't go through that again.

[foreverloneliness]

To be honest I don't expect anyone to accept me. I don't have many qualities to offer someone as a trade off. I'm not attractive and I don't have money. Not saying that those things are important but they sure would be perks in this situation. I have tried to be with someone since she said it was fine but when I couldn't perform while wearing a condom she said I was pathetic and left. Am I a lost cause? The outcome is bleak.

[Lady1]

I had a question can you test negative for herpes even with a blood and pap test ?

 

I get checked regularly about every 5,6 months, blood test for everything.

 

I just got checked again a few days ago because I recently found out I was pregnant. They took blood and ran me for everything I'm assuming and the doctor told me I came up positive for herpes she didn't say what kind or anything she did say i could and may never show any symptoms I was so in shock I didn't really ask anything because I didn't know anything about it. Now after going home these last few days I've been reading up on everything about it.

I want to ask her what test she ran what my score was. I don't know what else I should be asking.

 

Now saying all that I have been in a relationship for about 7 months and never cheated and I got tested a few months before we were together and again in dec while we were together. I found out he was cheating on me with his ex and not using any condoms and with other girls I don't know how many or if he used condoms with them. So he told me the ex girlfriend got tested just recently and she's clean now I don't know how true that really is or not but is it possible told get a blood test regularly and not show up positive if it lays dormant and is it possible he could of have it to me and not her??

 

He also told me he read up on it and maybe I was dormant and didnt show or him and it could not come up in a blood test how true is that!??

 

 

I'm confused about everything right now!! He's suppose to get tested this upcoming Monday and I have an appointment to talk to my doc since I really didn't get any information about what kind my percentage or really anything.. I need information if someone could please answer my questions and give me some kind of answer...

[WhoopsiDaysi]

Forever, it hurts my heart to hear you talk that way about yourself. You come across as such a beautiful, loving soul. Don't let this herpes thing make you one speck less than the amazing person that you are. The girl who said those rude things was not the right person. What she said was mean and uncalled for and more of a reflection of how she feels about herself. It's always about ourselves when we criticize or judge. You do not have to accept her words. Speak blessings over your life my dear. You are here for a very good reason and this herpes thing is just one more opportunity that will help make you into the diamond that you are. It is totally natural to feel down when you are first trying to navigate what herpes means to you. I can tell you from this perspective though that herpes has been such a blessing to me. If you read the forums, you will see I am not the only one.

 

Take a deep breath love, slow down, reconnect with the part of you that is loving, and caring and direct all that love to yourself as you would a frightened child. Be gentle with yourself and see that you don't have to come with any "perks" to be a valuable, amazing human being.

 

You are reaching out on the forum, which is awesome. Keep doing that and let us help you find your way to loving yourself. I am sure you have people in your life as well who can be a loving support for you. Also, if you can find a local herpes group that you can connect with and spend some face-to-face time with, that would be awesome. I found that connecting with my local group really helped me to realize how we are all just normal, lovable, amazing people. Herpes doesn't define or diminish us one iota.

 

Keep posting, keep talking and keep connecting. It will only get better from here!!

 

Warm hugs!! Brenda xox

[foreverloneliness]

I'm trying to cope with the situation it just seems like a long journey to find that one special person who will accept me for who i am. I pray to God that she is out there and I will find her soon. I can't stand to be single I hate being alone. I have had H for 3 yrs. now and only in the past couple of months have I let it get the better of me. I was actually suicidal for a time. I had a loaded gun in my mouth and my finger on the trigger. Not only because of H but because the love of my life had just ripped my heart out with no remorse. I am past that now thanks to God. It still hurts all the time but God has been easing the pain. I don't know if I will ever be the same again but with God's help anything is possible.

[Judith]

Hi Foreverhappiness,

i think all of us had a little moment to be suicidal, i have been drunk last weekend at my best friends house and i told her that i would prefer to jump from a bridge then be my whole live alone.......well sure i will not do that because its stupid and there are so much beautiful things in the world.Its not easy to be alone but i try to cheer myself up with good things, today i will go for BBQ and tomorow i will meet some friends for hiking in the beautiful mountains of spain.Its very difficult to see all this people around you who not seem to have any serious problems but everyone have his own little herpes story..people dont tell you they problems....we all in te same boat, only with diffrent hard stuff to deal with.I dont believe in god but its really great if god helps you to go through this hard time....believe in god but dont forget to believe in yourself....i wish you the best ,give you a big hug and send you some sun and light from barcelona.besito

[LifeBeginsNow]

Foreverhappiness,

I was reading your previous post about how having money would be a perk in this situation and wanted to respond.

 

I have been very lucky in life to have a job that pays very well financially. I can tell you from experience that money doesn't make this situation easier at all and I'm not even sure if it is a perk. This is something you can't buy your way out of or else I would have done it already 5x over!.

 

I was recently seeing someone and it turns out she started dating someone else. I am pretty sure I make about 10x more than he does and she knows that. I hope I don't sound like a d-bag for saying that but I just wanted to make a point - money doesn't matter. I think she could see that I wasn't really happy with myself and no amount of money could change that fact. Hope this adds some perspective and hope you are doing well.

[lauren1x]

Hi everyone, I've found myself yet again researching how easy it is to pass genital herpes on and thought I'd join this discussion as it's the most informed and friendly one I've seen before. I've had genital herpes since I had just turned 17 (I'm now nearly 20) and I find it very hard to come to terms with it still. Luckily for me I have a very understanding family who have always tried to make me feel better about it. I caught genital herpes off someone who (I felt) took advantage of the fact I was alot younger than him and had only slept with one other person. Unfortunately for me the condom split when we had sex and I caught the virus.

 

Since then I have always thought I was looking for someone who I could have a long term relationship with and tell them everything about what I'd been through and the fact I have herpes. After getting a boyfriend and telling him, I realised that it wasn't what I was looking for at all. I'd sort of settled for someone I didn't really love just because I knew they'd be nice about it. I know it sounds slutty but I think I'm just looking for casual sex which is now impossible for me to do. Most 19 year old girls are able to go out and sleep with people they barely know (using a condom of course) and have nothing to worry about. I just fear that it's impossible for me to go and do that. I just want to be able to enjoy myself without the complications of telling someone I have herpes and putting them off completely. Has anyone got any advice for me?

[prettylady_92]

Lauren1x,

I feel the same way. I'm 21 and it would be nice to have casual sex, but I'm not sure if I can. Of course, I wouldn't have sex with someone without disclosing first and I don't want to disclose to just anybody. So I honestly feel like I won't have sex again until I find someone who I really care about and feel comfortable telling. And even then I would risk rejection. But I'm not afraid of rejection. It's a part of life! I have a friend that has herpes as well and she has casual sex all the time and tells the guys that she has it and she said most of them really do not care. So it's really up to you, I mean life is all about risks anyway. What do you have to lose? If you want to have casual sex, don't let herpes stop you. Just make sure you always tell the person you have it first and of they don't care that's awesome, if they do, the worst thing that can happen is they don't want to be intimate with you. So what? You'll find someone who does eventually. Don't let it get you down! :)

[pink_panther]

I was infected with herpes when I was 16 by my first sexual partner (he denies knowing that he was infected, we were together 18 months), I know, how lucky am I!? Anyway, I am now 24 and apart from the first couple of outbreaks when I was 16-17 I have hardly noticed any symptoms since...until today when I found 1 blister. I'm now mortified because 3 days ago I had sex (unprotected, I know, stupid, stupid, stupid) with a guy I've been seeing for a while and I am completely terrified that I may have passed it on to him. I was with my previous partner for 3 years and was honest with him about the condition and wanted us to always use protection. He refused, but as far as I am aware he never contracted the infection. If I did have an outbreak when I was with him, it would have been so mild that I didn't notice. Is there a time period where you can tell if you have infected someone or not? There is so much contradictory advice online that I just have no clue what is fact and what is fiction regarding the situation.

[mr_hopp]

Hey pink_panther! Welcome to the forums. I'm glad you're here. If 3 days ago you had sex and now you're having an outbreak, then most likely the virus was becoming more and more active on the surface of your skin when you had unprotected sex with him. That doesn't necessarily mean you passed it to him, but that ups the possibility if there was any sort of break in his skin that happened to be rubbing up against where your outbreaks normally occur. Skin-to-skin contact on the infected area is how herpes is spread. Also, you know you can pass herpes even when you don't have an active outbreak, right? It's called Asymptomatic Viral Shedding. Also consider that he might have another STD that he could pass to you. Just because you have herpes doesn't mean you're immune to getting other gifts as well. :)

 

Regardless, what's done is done. Here's the deal: Unless he has an actual visible herpes outbreak, we now find ourselves in a limbo/grey area zone. A blood test is the best way to find out if someone has herpes without an outbreak to swab, but the antibodies can take up 12-16 weeks to build in the bloodstream to detectable levels on a blood test (IgG or Western Blot are the best blood tests). So, he may have herpes but not have an outbreak, and even if he were to get tested now, it would show up negative.

 

So, next step is to tell him that you might have exposed him to herpes. How are you feeling about doing that?

 

Associated articles and the e-book:

http://herpeslife.com/how-can-you-get-herpes/

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-test

http://herpeslife.com/what-is-herpes-asymptomatic-viral-shedding/

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

P.S. Watch the words you use, too. How does it feel to consider that you were "infected" with herpes instead of that you simply "got" herpes? Check out this article on the power of the words you use:

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-wordplay-the-power-of-words/

[pink_panther]

Thank you so much for your comment. If there were no breaks in his skin does that mean he's safe? He didnt appear to have anything i.e a break in the skin, I am just completely consumed with worry now. What is the likelyhood that I have passed it to him, is there a way of telling? I'm so glad I found this forum, I have been living with this alone for the last 8 years with no sources of information or support groups.

[mr_hopp]

I'm glad you found us, too. Knowledge leads to protecting future partners. There's no way of telling if you passed herpes to him or not until he either has an outbreak or gets a blood test in about 3-4 months to know definitively. All we have to go on is the % of viral shedding based on what type of herpes you have (HSV-1 or HSV-2), which is in this handout:

http://bit.ly/h-opp-disclosure-handout

 

... and the % of shedding is likely higher in your case since you had an outbreak so soon after sex. Herpes outbreaks happen after viral shedding reaches a climax and triggers an actual outbreak. And my comment about breaks in skin isn't always visible breaks. All there has to be is a microscopic break or abrasion that's not always visible to the naked eye, which is why a condom helps so much in covering most of the genitals.

 

No doubt you have already realized how huge of a lesson this is about future awareness about being protected, not only for your partner, but for YOU! :) But don't beat yourself up now. What's done is done. All you can do now is act on your integrity to do what is right and make amends. Learn what you need to learn from this and make it right. Be responsible and treat yourself and him well.

[pink_panther]

How do you know which strain you have? I'm sorry for the rapid fire questioning, I know there is nothing I can do about it now, but I'm just trying to reassure myself slightly.

[mr_hopp]

You can only know for sure which strain you have genitally (HSV-1 or HSV-2) by getting an active outbreak swabbed or by getting a blood test that finds the antibodies in your blood stream (the IgG test or the Western Blot test). If you have a herpes outbreak on your lip, there's a 99% chance that it's HSV-1.

http://herpeslife.com/hsv-1-hsv-2-types-of-herpes/

[tRinity914]

i have genital herpes (hsv-1). im wondering if i can pass the virus to the guy if he goes down on me??

 

my first outbreak was 2 weeks ago and im on acyclovir now. an outbreak does not necessarily mean having the visible sores, right?? or does it?? because im on meds everyday, i dont know yet if and when im having an outbreak. sometimes i feel itchy or kinda tingly down there for a few seconds but im not sure if its because of h or shaving.

 

if im on acyclovir and we use a condom, thats okei, right?? should i abandon having sex even if there's a slight itchiness??

[Lovley20]

If me and my partner both have H1 does that mean we can have unprotected sex and everything be fine?

[mr_hopp]

Depends ... Do you both have HSV-1 herpes outbreaks in the same region (genital and/or oral)? If yes, then having unprotected sex is okay if you both know you don't have any other STDs you don't want to trade like playing cards. ;) Just don't have sex when either of you are having an active herpes outbreak since the outbreak can spread to other parts of the body since the virus is many, many times more contagious during active outbreaks than during viral shedding.

[okletsmoveon]

I would like to start out by saying this forum is awesome I instantly felt relief after reading the comments like most I was totally devastated not to mention bc mine was given to be on account of rape :-( I had someone I was dating for years after leaving the hospital I thought I was ok not really understanding the complexity of H oh yea by the way its Hsv 1 is what the doc says after I later have this enormous bump appear several weeks after no cultures or blood have been taken recently jus a visual diagnosis I do plan on having those done. My actual question is if I had no symptoms or sores is it possible to transmit to my partner bc he is freaked out now too. My other question is it rare to have both hsv 1 and hsv 2 and if so what are some signs that I do... I'm really trying to deal with this as producti vely as I can seeing as though its all fairly new I'm also trying to keep my mental state help pleaseee.......

[victoriaxxx]

@Okletsmoveon It is still possible to pass H on to your partner without an outbreak, but it is not as common as when you do have an outbreak. It passes on more when you have viral shedding.

You and your boyfriend both need to look up the facts. I am pretty sure Adrial can send you some fact sheets about H. You can get on suppressive treatments, use condoms and then the rate will go down. If you learn your body then you can also make it less likely to spread.

 

Like I said before My mother has genital herpes. My mom and dad have been married for 22 years now and she has never gave it to my father. She is not on any therapy and they never used condoms.. ( Weird that I know this, but when I found out that I have it my mom just told me what she could.) There are always ways around this you guys also need to have really good communication. Communication is the best key!. I just have to say I am very glad that you were able to come out with this. It is extremely hard I know that. Though I have never been in your position. I know that it is hard to get past. A feeling inside you that makes you feel dirty...

-hugs- Try to keep your heads up. With something like happened to you, I am sorry but you might need to see a Dr. Like a therapist to help you get past the trauma.. I hope that I can be here for you as well.

[victoriaxxx]

(:

[WCSDancer2010]

@okletsmoveon

 

First - Welcome! Glad you found us!

 

Yes it is possible to pass on the virus without an outbreak. It's called Shedding and it happens at different rates depending on whether you have H1 or H2.

 

You should start with reading the Handouts and e-book that Adrial has provided here

 

Handouts + disclosure e-book:

http://eepurl.com/b4IPP

 

About 40% of people with Herpes have H1 and H2 - Adrial and I are both in the two-fer club.... I got H1 oral as a very young child and H2 genitally from my first sexual experience. AND I've had a 20 year marriage (yes, I gave it to him but it's because we didn't know I had it....thanks to the lack of info in the early 80's ... hell, even now there are too many doctors giving out bad info :( ) Since my divorce I've had 2-three year relationships and didn't pass it on...used supressive therapy for my last relationship and he has a crappy immune system and he never got it.

 

I promise you can work with this and over time Herpes will just be something you live with but it doesn't run your life.

 

(((HUGS)))

[okletsmoveon]

@victoriaxxx and WVS dancer2012 Thanks soo much I really appreciate the encouragement and the info I will live past this and become stronger it has made me so concious of my decisions now I really appreciate it guys thanks again

[victoriaxxx]

@Okletsmoveon . In the long run it will be okay. I promise. I am here for you any time. (:

[sherean]

I feel so ashamed and so stupid i recently caught H. I have a partner of 10years who has been incarcerated for over a year and last month i met up with an old friend we chilled out together and one thing led to another and we kissed and it started to go further but i stopped it as the guilt started to kick in we never had intercourse. But 2 days later i started to feel weird in my vaginal area this persisted so i called the doctors. Upon examination she told me i had "some nasty looking sores that looks like herpes". She then sent me to see a sexual health specialist. They took a swab and 5days later my worst fears were confirmed. I speak to my partner every day and i just dont know how im going to tell him. As for the guy that i had this interaction with he has since been to the doctors and confirmed that he has H. I feel so stupid and so alone.