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My happy second herpes disclosure story

Hi everybody! I thought I’d share my happiness about how my second disclosure went. But first a little flashback to my first disclosure story. That one didn’t end so well. Three weeks into dating this amazing guy I was diagnosed with HSV-2 that I had contracted from a previous partner. I was freaking out and I drove my new boyfriend nuts with my anxiety and a few weeks later he dumped me. What a surprise. Discouraged and frustrated, I signed up on a positive dating site, and started seeing a guy I met on there for a little while, so no uncomfortable disclose was required.

Then, not long ago, I went out dancing, and I ran into a friend who used to live in my neighborhood, but had moved away and was just visiting. I ALWAYS had a major crush on him, but at the time he lived in my city both he and I were in relationships, so didn’t even ever flirt. We immediately clicked, had a fabulous time dancing, started making out, and then I asked him if he wanted to join me and some friends to go back to my place for a few drinks. He said yes, and while I was really happy, the worries about where this evening was heading towards started to creep up in my mind.

My friends of course at some point discretely left, and we were alone. It didn’t take very long and we found ourselves in my bed and about to take our clothes off. My mind was racing, and right at the point when I realized that I could not delay it any further and that I HAD to say it now, HE said “you know there is something that I have to tell you and it is not very sexy”, and he disclosed that he was HPV positive. I was so stunned that I started laughing. The last thing that I had expected was a disclosure from HIS side. So I told him what I had to disclose, I told him that I took Valtrex every day, and what the chances of transmission were with Valtrex and condoms. He listened to me without being put off. We acknowledged each others honesty, and after this conversation launched right back into making out with each other and spent an incredible night together (obviously with condoms). A few days later he came over again and the second night was even better — in fact, one of the best nights I've ever had.

I feel unbelievably blessed that I had this experience with him at a time when I thought my sexuality was seriously compromised. He and I are in no way compatible for a relationship (he is younger than me and in a different stage in his life), but my heart makes a little jump every time I think of him. Can’t wait for him to visit again :)

What I learnt is that it is really important how you talk to the person that you disclose your herpes to and how you present yourself. If you are scared, you will scare you partner. If you are calm and explain your partner the facts, your partner will stay calm and weigh the risks in a reasonable way. It worked for me, it will work for you.

Comments

  • edited March 2013
    Beautiful :)
    I am so happy for you. What a breath of fresh air to get honesty from someone like that. A little glimpse of what we're providing when we disclose.

    No matter what their response is, we're giving them the gift of choice.

    So nice when it works out this way. I love this story :)

    -Katie
  • Nice. He basically took the words right out of your mouth. ;) Congrats on the mutual disclosure and all the fun to be had!
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