So what do you think about herpes dating websites?

[prettygirl1001]

I was wondering if the only way to meet someone that will accept me or want to be with me is someone that has H too. However you have to pay for it and Im not really willing to pay to meet someone. So what do you think??

[WCSDancer2010]

@prettygirl1001

 

For me, it's just another option. But you really need to realize that you don't have to limit yourself to H+ partners to find love. Did you read the links to @thisisgoingtobeok's stories that I gave you. She was like you a few months ago...thought her life was over and that no decent guy would want her. etc etc etc. She's now in an early relationship with a H- man and is as happy as she can be.

 

I'll add some more links of some of the many successful disclosures that we've had recently. I know it's hard to believe it right now ... but you CAN find love with a H- person ... all these links prove it :)

 

(((HUGS)))

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2495/a-coming-out-story- DanieM

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2544/disclosure silentstandoff

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/1644/having-the-herpes-talk-with-a-new-partner Daisy

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2689/first-time-disclosing-herpes-and-very-very-nervous paleogardenerkika

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2789/about-to-have-the-herpes-talk Empowered 74

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2833/this-was-a-first kitcattat

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2892/first-disclosing-talk-with-a-new-guy-so-relieved Figuringthisout

 

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/2879/rekindling-an-old-flame Valkyrie

http://herpeslife.com/herpes-forum/discussion/3021/successful-herpes-disclosure Starsinhereyes

[misskellyrenee]

As dancer said, they are an option, and a great option for people who are looking to date after their diagnosis. It can be a great way to get your feet wet.

The thing to remember, is that these sites aren't like an OKCupid or PlentyofFish. The profiles are anonymous (understandably so). I've heard them described another way that made sense, and they said that these sites can tend to make people who have STDs feel like lepers (the idea that we should only date each other), when we really aren't.

It depends on your reasoning. If you believe in your heart that it would be easier to date someone else who has H, then my all means, go for it! You may have a really positive experience.

However, don't go to one because you feel as if no one else will love you, because they will. It may not feel like it, but someone will be accepting and loving if you give them a chance to do so. :)

[thisisgoingtobeokay (previ]

@prettygirl I've been busy falling in love and what not but I've been reading most everyone's posts. As @wcs said I was very much like you. I actually didn't allow myself to talk to other guys or do much of anything at all for basically five months. I then met this guy who I just couldn't help myself. I was drawn to him immediately. Anyways, had the talk. He accepted. Go read the story. He is an amazing man. I tried the sites. I was not pleased. Just isn't for me. I thought it would be a good way to start. No Bueno for me at least. Just made me feel shitty. Anyways, yes. Someone will accept you. You just have to approach it right. It's a balancing act when disclosing and you got to do it the way that you feel best. You will figure it all out.

 

Everything is new and fresh right now. Give it time. Let yourself settle, Emotionally. It took me months and I still... Even though I have an H- man accept me....I still have my days. It's part of it. But it will get better each passing day. I promise. I PROMISE! You just have to realize it on your own. None of us telling you this is goin to fix it for you. You have to realize it. And when you do, it's a beautiful beautiful thing. And I add, you will look back and think to yourself how stupid you were for even thinking your life was over. I know this because as of this past Monday.... It got thrown in my face that it wasn't. And you will have that moment to. Where the lightbulb goes off and you just laugh at it all.

 

Life is crazy. It isn't over. Someone will love you. Give yourself time. Fall apart. Get angry. Cry. Scream. Then shake it off and be done with that. And step forward. Smile because you are more than H. And someone will see that. It may take time, and you may get hurt a time or two. But you will have a yes. Hang in there.

[WCSDancer2010]

@thisisgoingtobeokay

 

WOW - chica ... you have some soooo far!!! Mama's proud of you! got tears in my eyes (again!) from your post. So powerful and wonderful to see you on this side of the bridge, passing on your experience to another.

 

They say that what doesn't kill you makes you stronger. Well, Herpes certainly won't kill you... and when you allow yourself to go through the process, you can come out the other side stronger than you would EVER have been if you never got it.

 

(((HUGS))) all around :)

[mr_hopp]

Hey prettygirl!

 

Here's a blog article I wrote on this subject if you'd like to give it a read:

http://herpeslife.com/do-i-have-to-join-those-herpes-dating-sites

 

Short answer: You don't have to change anything about your dating life except for disclosing before you have sex with a partner. It doesn't change anything about your lovability or the range of possibilities you have in who you partner up with. Anything in your head that's telling you that herpes will limit you in finding love is the stigma talking. What it does take is the vulnerability and courage to have the herpes talk. And being able to have that talk with greater and greater self-compassion is self-growth. It's all a beautiful process that has little to do with herpes itself and more to do with YOU. :)

[adventurelovelife]

hello!

 

I've dabbled a bit in the positive singles world (an online dating site for people with various STIs). I have found it to be not all that great-mostly because there are barely any interesting people on there in my area, who are in my age range.

[prettygirl1001]

no i like to read so it's ok for the details

[Oksana]

Hi. I tried PS and was very disappointed. I heard that a lot of people from PS are on match.com. I am single for a year and a half and sometimes it seems like I will be single forever because of the health issues. I am embarrassed. My friends are wondering why I am still single and I can not explain. I also don't want to get in relationships to the person I don't have anything in common just because I have a limited choice now. I am very sad about my situation.

 

[WCSDancer2010]

@Oksana

 

Honey - I am on POF and OKC ... and I have fully disclosed on them both ... AND, I'm getting genuinely wonderful replies from men who HONOR me for my honesty and integrity. I am just starting to date a man who is totally unbothered by my H status. We've discussed it a bit, we need to have more conversations, but he truly seems to see it as a minor issue to be dealt with when the time comes. He's letting ME set the pace of intimacy and honors my wishes...and that is a beautiful thing ;)

 

You CAN find love and you don't have to go to a H+ dating site to do it. Yes, you will have to risk rejection, but there are soooo many deal breakers other than this ... children, smoking, sexual preferences, bat-shit-crazy-stalker ex's .... this is just one more. That' all.....

 

(((HUGS)))

[Oksana]

Thank you Dancer. What is POF? It gives me a hope. I almost gave up. I want to have a family again.

[WCSDancer2010]

Plenty of Fish - and Ok Cupid - both are free dating sites..

 

Honey, you can have a family ... and love... and off the charts awesome sex ;)

 

I've had it all and I've had this since I was 17 ;)

 

[Oksana]

Thank you. You gave me hope