Immaculate Infection

So this concept came to me after reading many threads and everyone had the same frustration. They had tested positive for HSV yet no partners from the past were HSV positive. Strange..... maybe a few liars out there. Yes! So for those newly diagnosed, as am I, this is therapy! For myself and hopefully it will help you too!!

So for me - I am pretty sure I know when I got H. I had been celibate for 9 years, raising my daughter. Had a full STD Panel done 3 months after my last sexual relations, all clear! Rang in the New Year 2018 with friends but suffering, went to my Gynecologist 1/3/18 and yes I have herpes!! After my primary outbreak cleared, I felt really positive. Got my sexy back, survived my outbreak - life is going to be so much better!! Yes, I have herpes, but it is not HIV!! So lucky!! I will be more responsible in the future!!

Six weeks later, I decided to do a full 10 panel STD screening. I came back positive HSV-2 IGG 2.3. To me this only confirmed my suspicion that I got HSV from the only man I was with in December. We were together twice in December the 9th & 23rd. My primary outbreak started the 29th. Full blown by the 1st. After my OB I started looking this guy up online - yep, married!! Married to a beautiful young woman (he was beautiful, btw!)

Ok!! So this is where I lost my cool, my sexy, lost my MoJo!! I am not proud of my behavior! I confronted him. He denied it of course. A couple times in our talks I got the feeling he knew and was sorry but going to stick to the lie. This put me in a really bad place emotionally. I was on the roller coaster angry and desperate!! Bad mistake, I should have left it alone!! I thought I might save someone else that he might possibly give HSV to. Nope, he is not going to change his behavior and why did I ever think he would be honest with me???? He was cheating on his beautiful wife!! So now I feel stupid and I have just revealed personal information about myself to a dishonest person. Ugh!!

Immaculate Infection- so many of the threads on this forum people have told past partners of their diagnosis and no one has HSV. Unbelievable- but yes, all past partners have tested negative for HSV. Amazing!! Of course we didn't get to actually see the report from the test! Just taking their word for it. We all know probably very few of those contacted ever had a STD Panel after notification. Then there are those that probably knew they had HSV, and if they didn't tell you before they are definitely not going to tell you now!! And we probably have a few that didn't know, got tested, they now know but do they want to be in your mind the person that gave you herpes?? No!!! Would I want to be that person? NO!!

So my advice to the newly diagnosed- before you ask past partners... consider, are they an honest person that can be trusted with your personal medical information? Do you think they would be sincerely concerned that they might be a carrier and potentially unknowingly passing H on? Are they the kind of person that would break your confidence and repeat this information about you?? Would they show you their report from the test?? I will never trust a STD test without seeing it For myself!!

After further examination on my end, I wish I had kept my diagnosis to myself. The response I got made me feel dirty. I have also been bothered by the fact that he could turn it on me & say I was the one that gave it to him!!! I know you are angry and hurting, just pause and handle this situation like a rock star!! We have been thrown a curve ball, it's what you do with it that counts!! You will get past the anger - just pause and reflect. A bit of time will help you put your diagnosis in perspective!

I know just how you feel. I was out of a 13 yr relationship: great job, decent looking, throw lots of fun parties at my vacation house. I’m dating a beautiful younger woman and bammm: itch, bump, scab, hsv2. Wtf. My first girlfriend after taking 18 months off from dating was asymptomatic.

I have a lot going for me but feel my value and self worth have taken a hit. Hopefully my girlfriend and I stay together. If not, I’m not sure how things will go.

I feel better about it every day but it’s still tough to think about. I wish you well. Sorry this happened to you but it’s all going to work out.

Thank you for the positive feedback!!

I am working on the emotional roller coaster!

Hope all works out well with your girlfriend. Did she have an HSV test?

Not very many men on here - the fact you are, shows you care!! Thank you!!

Yes the first 2-3 months after my diagnosis last October were brutal. I was alllll over the place emotionally and the fact that the guy I was seeing at the time hauled a$$ didn’t help!! When I told him he said “well you didn’t get that $hit from me!” Then he went on a full rant saying some horrible horrible things..couldn’t believe it! He said he was going to get tested...that was 4 months ago. I never heard from him again. Smh. Today I can honestly say that I’m in a MUCH better place emotionally. Not hearing from him helped me move on with my life. I had to take my control back and refuse to waste another day in 2018 worrying about what he is doing!

I am so sorry you had to go through that. Very frustrating when your giver doesn't take responsibility!!

Keep your positive attitude!! I need to get there too!! I am having a hard time maintaining a positive attitude.

My story is similar. I am almost 100% positive I know exactly who my giver was. We were “talking” or seeing each other for almost a month. Had sex 3 times. I don’t get around and why I felt so comfortable with him, idk. Now I’m kicking myself for behaving out of my norm.

So, he doesn’t have social media and when we went to dinner everyone couldn’t believe he had a girl with him. I thought “oh this is nice. He must be alone all the time so that’s a good sign”.

I had my first OB a few days after our 3rd encounter, I got my diagnosis & confided in my best friend (she is still the only person that knows). She somehow came across a girls Facebook & BAM! This girl has pictures with the guy at a gender reveal!!! Wow! So I definitely didn’t see him being honest. I felt bad for her but then I wasn’t aware of whether they both have it and know or not. I also didn’t want to be blamed.

I just told him I wasn’t interested in hanging out one night and I never heard from him again. He doesn’t know about my diagnosis or that I know he has a pregnant gf.

My only other suspicion or I guess the only other place my mind goes is... I was sexually assaulted years ago & in the back of my mind wondered if it could’ve came from him and just now showed up. However, I don’t believe that to be the case.

I’ve handled it well emotionally but I definitely have my bad days. Being a single girl in my 20s who is far from easy & has always dreamed of a family and kids, I struggle with the what if’s. The posts here bring me a lot of hope so I am thankful for that!!

I find it frustrating that I have so many people around me that sleep around and seem so careless, but Me, the one that has been called a prude or made fun of for going years without sex, ends up with something. I get it can happen to anybody, but it takes a lot to fight off those angry & bitter emotions.

Also, I have encountered the comments & jokes frequently. Today actually, an older married man was telling me how I seemed like a great girl with a good head on my shoulders and pretty much talking me up. Then he goes on to say that his wife gets jealous but he would never cheat on her for so many reasons. One reason being “I don’t want to catch anything l. That seems to be rampant these days.”

Internally I’m screaming and wanting to educate people when this happens!

*sorry for the rant*

Btw - that’s the first time or really shared the details of my story & only 3 people in my life know about the assault. So that felt good to get off my chest.

IcanOvercome -

I am not proud of how I handled my situation, I actually contacted the wife of my giver. Might have been a big mistake- but I also did her a big favor. I am sure I am not the only person he has been sleeping with. I just wish I had been more sympathetic in telling her. I talked to him later, several comments he made lead me to believe he probably knew he had HSV and was sorry. I don't know if he was just sorry because his wife wants a divorce or all the rest of the mess too.

He said "This is all my fault!" Yes! It is!!!

I sent you a private message - wishing you peace!

@IcanOvercome, thanks for sharing your story. I have told none of my friends about my new diagnosis. The only person that knows is the guy I was seeing at the time and I kind of hate I said anything to him. I just thought it was the right thing to do. Your giver sounds like a real winner! Smh

@PresentMoment, I think you did the right thing by telling her!! Good for you!

@MakinIT2017 oh yea he is a “catch” (definite pun intended!) I’m so very blessed to have my best friend! She keeps me grounded on my bad days for sure. Having this forum is so helpful, in that it allows me to vent, share, and not feel alone even though I haven’t disclosed to the ones around me!

I think that once I get on anxiety medication, and speak with a counselor I will consider disclosing. I don’t feel that I NEED to disclose to anyone (family & friends). I do not hv want partners or intend on having any for a while so I’m good there.

I just want to have a good grip on my emotions, be level headed, & improve my self image before I decide to share with anybody.

@PresentMoment, thank you for messaging me! I considered messaging his girlfriend or somehow telling her anonymously only because of her pregnancy. For a few reasons, I decided not to.

IcanOvercome - want to tell you although I regret my disclosure, you are in a different situation. Herpes can be life threatening to a new born baby. I think you should disclose to this woman. What if you don't and this innocent baby has been effected.

You could disclose by anonymous online text disclosure- any way you do it, you should, this is an innocent little baby. This guy is a creep!! Don't protect him!! The Gynecologist will not test for HSV unless there is a reason. Let this girl know! She has a horrible partner- shouldn't have to deal with heath issues with her baby.

Lots of love to you, you will be doing the right thing,

Omg I needed to read this post, you absolutely right because I have no idea who gave this to me and I wanna ask my partners but idk if they would be honest or actually get tested to see