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I'm only 17... why me?


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I've been sexually involved with only one guy for about 8 months now. He's my ex boyfriend. So what he does is none of my business. Except when it gives me herpes. I keep thinking why me. I just lost my virginity a year and a half ago. My friends have had unprotected sex with more guys than they can count and never got this but I do? I feel like nobody is gonna want me. I wouldn't want me. I feel gross. I feel like ill never be normal again. I feel like I'm too young for this to even happen to me. And on top of all that I'm in a lot of pain right now. I was doing everything right. I'm in college at 17. I don't do drugs like most people my age. I'm a nice girl. I just wanna be normal again. I keep praying that this is just a dream. And I know some people think it's not that big of a deal. But to me it is. And I don't have any friends to tell. I'm alone with this right now. I just need support. But then I feel like I dont care about the support I just want it to go away. I just wanna wake up. This wasn't supposed to happen to me...

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I'm so sorry you're struggling.

 

You didn't mentioned which type you have. Genital HSV1 is extremely common among college aged women. Genital HSV2 is less common in that age group but quickly becomes common in the 20s and beyond, even among women with fairly conservative sexual histories. It may seem less common than it is because people are reluctant to discuss it and most people who have genital herpes are unaware they have it.

 

You may want to seek out Ella Dawson's TED talk if you haven't already. She contracted genital herpes in college and detailed her experience processing it, dating and disclosing.

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I loved Ella Dawson's TED Talk!! She is so funny!

I am 50, just diagnosed, I have been thankful I was diagnosed now and not at a younger age. Consider though, this might stop some unsafe practices. Help you look for Mr. Right, we don't know what the BIG plan is!! This won't stop you from achieving your dreams. You're on track!! Better than most 17 year olds. It will be ok!!

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@Thisismyusername Glad you liked the video! Ella Dawson is great. She also has genital HSV1. It is very common among college aged women. This is because there's a fairly even split between those who have oral HSV1 and those who don't have oral HSV1 in that age group. Those who don't yet have HSV1 are vulnerable to contracting it genitally, most often from partners who have it orally. It's unfortunate a stigma applies to genital herpes while oral herpes is mostly normalized. Hopefully that will change with time and education.

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@Thisismyusername I was also only 17 when I was diagnosed and I felt the exact same way as you. Once your first OB passes, it gets better, the 1st is always the worst. As for your emotional turmoil, I completely understand. For a long time I genuinely worried that no one would ever be able to love me but, through experience, I came to realize this simply isn't true. There are some truly amazing people out there. But the good ones always take a little longer to find, don't lose hope! They're out there! I have had two loves since my diagnosis and both of them saw past the stigma of H and saw me for me. It wasn't always easy, and during the really hard parts I often asked "why me?" But I have also come to learn that this question is really not important. It will only drive you crazy. Instead, try to find a bright side. I know this seems IMPOSSIBLE but its not. For example, my H has allowed me to find partners who value me for who I am and not just for a shallow sexual connection. But first I think its really important to value yourself in this way. YOU HAVE SO MUCH MORE TO OFFER! You're a valuable, intelligent, good person. I think the trick is to not let H define you, you're still your normal self, that hasn't changed. Don't think of yourself as someone who has herpes, you are so much more, H is just one tiny part of you. Practice self-love and be patient, it gets better with time.

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I know the diagnosis can cause you to feel like you lost something you will never get back, but that simply isn't true.

I know it can make you feel a lot of anxiety and hopelessness about the future, but nothing about your life will be different. Other than maybe being really skilled at washing your hands.

 

Give yourself a chance to witness just how great you are!

Really test yourself. See if your ability to learn has changed. I assure you, trig is still tough and English is still busy work.

See if strangers treat you any different. You'll see that people still give you the same mix of indifference / friendliness you've always known.

See if your hobbies still turn out to be just as entertaining as ever. You will find that not only can you do the things you enjoy, they will be a source of solitude and reflection when you need it.

See if you can still have fun spending time with close friends. You'll discover that mot only do they still like having you around, but that they will still come to you for your ability to be empathic and supportive and it will make you feel valuable.

See if you can't still get that dude to ask for your number with a smile and a wink. He's still trying to maintain composure while fantasizing about you.

You'll find out that nothing has changed. You are capable, desirable, likeable and attractive as always.

 

Will you find yourself disclosing to someone you care about, then watching them go through some anxiety? Probably, but if they care about you, and they know how special you are, they won't be afraid.

Your diagnosis will become the best shield against liars, fake people, and empty promises for the future you could have. The only person who is afraid of a diagnosis is a person who didn't care about you at all in the first place.

Turn it into an advantage.

Use it to scare off those who secretly meant you harm. Use it to find people who genuinely appreciate you, and aren't just saying whatever they have to in order to sound like a good person would.

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