I feel like my life is ruined

I was with the same person for 8 years, we broke up and I ended going out and having a one night stand. The person didn’t bother to tell me he had HSV. So then he ended up giving it to me. It’s been about 2 years now and I feel like I will be single for ever. There has been a few guys I’ve told about it and they were okay with it but I still couldn’t get myself to do anything with them because of it. It makes me feel gross inside. And that I won’t be able to find anyone. I know all these people that sleep with a different guy every other day. So I always wonder why me. Why did this happen to me the one time I sleep with someone else

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. HSV is very common, most people who have it just don't know it. For every one person who knows they have HSV2, seven others have it and don't know it. I wonder if that could have been the case with the guy you were with that one time. Also, 80-90% of people don't notice upon contracting HSV2 but some find symptoms triggered by sex, so sometimes people mistakenly believe they were infected from a single encounter when in fact the sex triggered symptoms of an existing infection. Not that it is impossible to contract it from a one night stand, it is, though it is rare. Most people never get tested for HSV and it's rarely included in STI panels, so it can be impossible to know when it was contracted and from whom unless one is testing regularly specifically for HSV. Perhaps you were doing this. Most people only assume they have been tested or would have symptoms if they had it.

I'm glad to hear you've encountered people who were accepting. I wonder if it might help you to realize they might have it unknowingly, and the same is true of their past and future partners. It's a risk that is taken every time someone has sex with another person who is not either a virgin or testing with monogamous partners (which again is rare). In disclosing to people, we aren't providing a choice for them to either be safe from HSV or put themselves in danger of contracting it, we are simply sharing we know we are infected.

When you think back to the 8 year relationship, as a thought experiment, let's say he had HSV2. Would you have wanted the choice to pursue things with him, or would you have wanted him to protect you by refusing to become intimate? If you truly would have preferred for him to protect you, then I'd say maybe you will be more comfortable, at least for now, being intimate with others who already know they have it, but if you would've wanted the freedom to choose to pursue him, maybe you can allow others the same choice to be intimate with you.

Sorry Samantha. It sucks. There’s no sugar coating it. I don’t feel dirty but I know if I ever have to disclose, I’ll be perceived as dirty. I’m with the girl that gave me hsv2. She had unprotected sex with a guy that’s super sketchy in between her last LTR and me. He of course didn’t disclose. Girlfriend is asymptotic. It just sucks but I’m coming to terms with it. Hopefully, the girlfriend and I will stay together. If not, I’ll probably try a hsv dating site. Hang in there. After all, it’s just a rash.

Most people get it and don't even know. If you tell them you have it and they don't care then you shouldn't either. They might already have it and not know, or you could give it to them and they'll never get symptoms. HSV is tricky, innocuous, and common. Every time anyone engages in sexual activity they are taking a risk of contracting HSV whether it is with you or someone who is unaware of their status. That's just part of being human and sexually active. The alternative is celibacy. Personally, I'd rather have herpes!