I normally disclose when dating, (or at least since I've grown up about it all, or so I thought I had until you read further), and now find myself dating an old lover from 16 years ago, and the chemistry is on FIRE!! I ended up sleeping with him, not once, not twice, but thrice, (no condemns) and the part that fears rejection over telling him has reared it's ugly head. I keep telling myself, I am committed to telling him, and then when with him, I can't seem to find the words. I think because he knew me when I was younger, I don't want to change how he sees me, as this young, hot, sexy, horny, fun loving women. Now I feel like I have just dug a hole so deep.
To top things off, about 2 years ago, we were in a social gathering, where he's friend decided it would be "ok" to go through my history on my computer when he asked so innocently to borrow it to check his Facebook. This guy is my love interests best friend. Well, wouldn't you know that there happened to be the "Ultimate Cure to Herpes" guide I downloaded, (which in itself is a load of crap), anyways, his friend even as recently as last week when he was with my love interest started cracking ill coloured jokes about my type of car probably has herpes and so on (while I was on the speaker phone in the car, knowing I could hear him). I feel so embarrassed, and I don't want to admit the truth because his friend has been making fun of herpes and I don't even know if I am in love with my old flame or not... or is it just a wild ride right now.
On to the deeper part of the hole of I have dug. I am also seeing this other guy who is too old for me to have a real future with kids and everything with, but is so damn hot, huggable, fun, sexy and well, a real genuine guy, but because I know there is no future, I feel like disclosing will just end things so abruptly, that I don't want them to end. We've also had sex about three times with a condom... and dammit, it was good. He knows how to pleasure a girl if you know what I mean. Meow!!!
All last night, while watching this movie, I'm thinking, I've got to disclose, and then after the movie it's like "do you want to go upstairs" and I'm nod, yeah... so what do I do?