I am scared

Sorry everyone, I am having a little panic attack. I am afraid....so afraid. I posted my herpes story but I'm posting now for advice. I had oral and anal sex and now I may have it both orally and anally. I was infected December 13th....went on vacation with family a fee days later to Disney world, happest place on Earth supposedly, and while I was there had my outbreak orally. I say only orally becauae I had a super high fever and my throat was full of white gunk, including my tonsils. Didn't feel pain below but never looked. Fast forward 4 weeks and it's my birthday, and got the news three days later....I'm positive for HSV2.

Since the 26th of January, I've been having tingling in my thighs (in the front) and my anus feels a little tingly. I'm scared I'll wake up one day and it will look like the Google pics I've seen down there. Showing a few symptoms in my mouth too....great, I most likely infected down below and in my mouth. It's day 54. I'm hesitant to start the meds in case this isn't an outbreak but still the same time, I don't want it to turn to blisters. Dependinf on what this looks like tomorrow, I'm going tomorrow to the clinic to get swabbed. Just need someone to talk to if anyone is available who is going thru what I am.

Today I definitely had some up and downs. I seem to be obsessed with looking at myself to see if I see any redness or blisters if I feel "tingling" or what I may think is slight burning. My mind is going every which direction and I keep trying to remain calm. If you read my story before, I was exposed orally and anally.

What I'm fearing currently is that my symptoms anally may be internal instead of external. Maybe that's why I didn't have obvious lesions when I got very sick. I went to a walk in clinic to see if they'll swab it down there since I felt some burning (and noticed a little irritation in the opening) but he refused and said for me to stop trying to quantify this and accept that I have this virus and if I have sensations of an outbreak to take the pills.

I got mad at him obviously and tried to explain I didn't see anything the first time down there and just want to make sure if what I'm feeling/seeing now is actually herpes and not just my hemorrhoids or UC so I'll know when to take my meds if I feel it again.

He made me leave and I went grocery shopping and all I could think about is that I'm probably the only one here that has HSV-2 down below. A few times I caught myself tearing up in a few aisles thinking how I'm the only one.....the only one going through this and that there is no hope for me to get over it. I know this isn't true but when you're alone physically, all you have is your thoughts and sometimes those thoughts are not supportive.

You are not alone! You feel that way because of an erroneous stigma. No one cares about cold sores but you get them in your genitals and our culture gets their Puritan panties in a bunch. It's only herpes. It's rarely ever medically significant. By the time people reach adulthood most have hsv1 or 2 and just about everyone in the population is walking around with at least one of 8 herpes viruses. I know this is scary. I felt scared and alone and shameful too but the more I learn about HSV the more I really don't care I have it. Maybe some day everyone will get to that point.

If your oral out break is from HSV2 well, you're in luck. The mouth is not HSV2's happy place so chances are it may never comes around. It is extremely rare fo oral hsv2 outbreaks to recur. I would also think that an anal HSV2 outbreak internally would result in very painful bowel movements. Also just because you had anal sex doesn't mean you'll get anal lesions. Anywhere in the boxer shorts area is free game no matter where the exposure occurred.

Lastly, your doctor sounds like a real ass. Get a new one.