It all feels different now......

A friend wanted to go out to a local wine place. I thought it would be good to get back into a normal routine. It feels weird going out and having people talk to me like im still the old me. Like this huge thing hasnt happened in my life and altered my body beyond repair.

I sat there talking to these familiar people. Them commenting on that I only had one drink and drank water (if they only knew how afraid I am on the antivirals and making my current outbreak worse). It feels like I'm watching myself do this. For a second I forgot I am different, and then it hit me again. Someone touched my shoulders and I jumped because I feel like no one should touch me right now.

Hello, I truly understand how you feel. It’s been 4 months since I found out I had H2 and I am no longer the same person. I’m more quiet and feel like I’m isolating myself. I’ve been hanging with this guy friend who has taken an interest in me but every time we meet up I am quiet at times or way too deep in thought. I agree to meet up with him as an attempt to get back to me but it’s almost like a reminder that if I catch feelings I have to disclose so I keep my distance. I’ve read several stories where they say it gets better emotionally with time but right now I feel like a shell of myself. Be kind to yourself as that’s what I’m trying to do. This virus is definitely very common but people just don’t talk about it.

Im trying. I took some mental health days off work at the advice of my therapist and all the issues besides this i have going on.

It's odd isn't it after you find out, it's like your body doesn't feel the same anymore! I feel almost betrayed by it. Its like ever since finding out it no longer feels the same down there. I had always wondered why I was irritated all the time down below and all that stuff then it hits me when you get the news! I thinks it's great you are going to take a few mental health days! It's hard to wrap your head around. I feel like from your post you have a strong stance on this and feel as if you will rock having ghsv 1! I wish you strength in the coming days/months and peace!

"For a second I forgot I am different...". But you're not different. You're not a different person than who you were nor are you different from those around you. You feel that way because of an erroneous stigma. No one cares about cold sores but you get them in your genitals and our culture gets their Puritan panties in a bunch. It's only herpes. It's rarely ever a medically significant. By the time people reach adulthood most have hsv1 or 2 and just about everyone in the population is walking around with at least one of 8 herpes viruses. I know this is scary. I felt scared and different and shameful too but the more I learn about HSV the more I really don't care I have it. Maybe some day everyone will get to that point.

Second what @Username said. 80% of adults have HSV. Most adults have at least 4 types of herpes. It's not unusual to have it. It's slightly unusual to know you have it. Maybe not unusual but much less common than simply not knowing and not caring. The stigma is very unfortunate.

Im sure once some of the uncertainty of what this diagnosis actually means to me I will be better. Im afraid Im going to have breakouts all the time. Im afraid that I never really dated before and what thia means for that. I dont take rejection well. So all of these things just swirl in my head and I know I have to take it a day at a time but...... Ugh.