Depressed

It has been 9 days since I have been diagnosed. The same time when I lose my job, the company went broke and didn't pay 3 months salaries so I am broke as well. My bofriend who I think the giver is (he said his test r neg. but I kinda have feeling it was him) is making a distance. He was supportive through messages but always have reasons not to meet me. I felt alone, ashamed and depressed. Single mom in germany and herpes is still tabu here. Just found 1 forum and just some people in there. The doc was not helpful, got not much information. Can't tell anyone except my boyfriend (or soon to be ex?). We just been together for 2 months. I have some friends who I think will freaking out when they know this. Just like I said, genital herpes is like a death sentence here. As opposite, seen some with oral herpes and people saw it normal. I am 37, grew up without parents, my siblings just looking for me when they need help, my ex husband only took advantage on me, cheated me many times, stole my saving. All I want since kid just a normal life with someone who love me and now I got this lifetime virus. Who will want to be with me? I probably can accept this if I am 30 years older, it sucks but I probably can accept it. But now? I can life without sex but is there any man who will that? Can't imagine anyone even want to touch me without fear here. If I don't have kids then may be I already kill my self and I will surely do if I ever passed this virus to them. I know it will be better (perhaps) but I just can't anymore now.

I'm sorry you're feeling this way. Here's a link to statistics regarding HSV in Germany: https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC5500947/

As you can see, in your age group, about 85% of adult women have HSV1 (either oral or genital) and about 15% have HSV2. I mention both since you are unaware of which type you have. If you've never had a cold sore, either type is quite possible. They are visually indistinguishable by type.

The stigma of genital herpes is very strong here in the U.S. while oral herpes has been mostly normalized. I had the same fears you are expressing when I tested positive for HSV2. It took a little time for me to work through that, but once I put myself back out there, I was mostly met with acceptance by partners. I hope you will have the same experience. I'm sorry your current partner is not being supportive. Hopefully he is just not sure of how to provide support right now and isn't actually pulling away. It can be an emotional time and some people don't know how to support partners in emotional turmoil.

I feel like we are in the same boat except I had 4 friends that I told. They didnt realize just how sick you get in you're entire body. They were pretty supportive. But i have your same fears. The same type of ex husband. The same type of boyfriend of2 months. No family. I have hsv1 though. I think doctor was much more sensitive about it. Im sorry you're going thru this too. I have two little kids too and one said a spot on their lip hurt nd I started to freak out. They're though so far.

I wish I was on the other side with the success stories to help you, but Im right here with you. I did get put on antianxiety medication. I don't know if there are therapists you can talk to?