I am worry about my kids, please help...

Hi all, I just diagnosed on Monday that I have genital Herpes. I was shock and the doc was not helpful either. I didn't know there are 2 type of Herpes and I don't know which type I have. Living in small town in germany and it seems that doc here doesn't has much knowledge about this. I am single mom of 2. Had new bf since end of Nov. He went to doc and took blood test after I told him and he is neg. I am so worry that I unknowingly transfer this to my kids (towel, toilet, cuddle, my youngest slept in my bed when I had OB - was not to doc yet and didn't know what it is). Is this just spread through skin to skin contact? Or am I a dangers to my kids? I can accept that I will never have a sex life or partner anymore but I really wish I can have a normal life with my kids. Is it possible? I kept a distance with them after I found out what I have. I am afraid to kiss them, didn't able to sit on their bed when I read good night story. My boys had headache (there is time with cold at the moment), I was freaking out. I wanted to hug them but I was scare to death that I passed this virus to them. I prefer die than giving this to my kids.

My other questions: my ex work colleagues have cold sore, I didn't know what it is back then but I never see them as a danger, even until now. They live their life normally. Have family and kids. Is their virus same like mine? I mean HSV 1 and 2, r they the same just different places? Is genital one more dangers? I saw them able to kiss their love one when they have no OB and won't spread the virus but I read that the genital one will spread the virus even without OB. Is it right?

Thanks so much in advance. I really depressed at the moment and wanted to stay alone in my room forever. So scare I may spread this unknowingly

I'm sorry you're feeling so scared.

In answer to some of your questions, the cold sores you have seen were most likely all due to HSV1. Most oral herpes is caused by HSV1. It is most contagious just after it is acquired (first few months) and during outbreaks but can also be transmitted through kissing and oral sex when no symptoms are present. Of the various types/locations of herpes, oral herpes is contagious the most frequently (roughly 25% of the time). Most people who have it don't realize they have it because many people don't have symptoms (cold sores). Those who have cold sores typically just abstain from kissing and oral sex when having symptoms and live with the small risk of transmission at all other times. Oral HSV2 is uncommon and is, on average, contagious about 1% of the time. It looks exactly the same as oral HSV1 but tends to never recur after the first outbreak, if there is an outbreak at all.

Genital herpes can be caused by HSV1 or HSV2. When caused by HSV1, it is typically less active and less frequently contagious than either oral HSV1 or genital HSV2. On average, it contagious about 5% of the time (vs. 25% percent of the time if it's oral). Genital HSV2, on average, is contagious about 14% of the time and appears identical to genital HSV1 if/when there are symptoms (most people have no symptoms or don't notice them). Most people with genital herpes don't know they have it. Those who have it usually abstain from sex during outbreaks and sometimes use condoms and/or take antivirals to reduce transmission risk. People who get frequent outbreaks of either oral or genital herpes also sometimes take antivirals to reduce or eliminate outbreaks.

Genital HSV1 is more likely than genital HSV2 to cause a noticeable primary outbreak when it's contracted. By contrast, 80-90% of people don't notice when they contract genital HSV2. However, for those who do get outbreaks, genital HSV1 tends to recur much less frequently than genital HSV2. For many people with genital HSV1, they just get that first outbreak, or maybe get an outbreak once every year or two. With both types, people who get symptoms tend to have less frequent recurrences as time goes on.

Condoms are suggested for reducing risk of genital herpes because it is an available resource that is proven to reduce risk. There is no equivalent barrier method available for kissing, so people with oral herpes tend to just abstain when symptoms are present. Often people with oral and/or genital herpes do not use barriers for oral sex either, so it really is just about weighing risks, benefits and quality of life, agreeing on a comfort level with your partner(s). Most adult humans have HSV and don't even know it or at least don't take extraordinary measures because of it. It is typically not included in standard STI testing.

Yes, genital herpes is spread through skin-skin contact. Children often contract oral herpes but do not begin contracting genital herpes until they become sexual active. Your typical activities as a mom would not pose risk of transmitting your genital herpes to them. If you want to be exceedingly cautious, you could avoid sharing moist towels and lip balm which are the only items I've ever seen mentioned as having a brief theoretical transmission risk.

Thank you so much Optimist!