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PLEASE help... When do I disclose?


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I am now emotionally invested and have even considered NOT disclosing because of fear of losing him. I have never NOT disclosed. This time around idk why I am so scared/intimidated to disclose. I have known (of) him for many years as we have many acquaintances /friends in common. I recently got separated and havent really cared to date. All of a sudden he emerges from out of the blue. We randomly spend New Years together staying up talking and drinking till 6am.

 

Here I am end of January, on cloud9. He says he wants everything with me. I feel the need to tell him now but I have this huge fear I will lose him. We have only hung out twice (babysitter issues) I don’t want to continue feeling these butterflies & whatnot if it is all going to go down the drain, & I cannot blame him for rejecting me if he does. If I could chose not to have this, I wouldn’t have it either. Anyway, I am lost. Idk when it’s the right moment to tell him. The second time we hung out was so romantic definitely lots of kisses and his shirt came off—(no inappropriate touching or anything beyond that)

 

Most of my friends are saying don’t tell, others are saying wait- but pretty much he has already asked me out...and I too, want everything with him. I want to give myself a real opportunity to love again. (I married someone just because he had herpes too BIG MISTAKE)

 

PLEASE HELP! I cant sleep. I kindly blow him off or change the subject when he starts talking about feelings/future plans. I don’t want to lose this opportunity but I don’t want to be deceitful either.

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I will tell you my experience. I had my first outbreak 3 weeks after starting an intimate relationship with someone. I did not get it from him, but my ex. I was completely taken back and dumbfounded with my results and had no idea how to bring it up. I knew I had to though, especially since we already were together sexually. I became very standoffish because I was afraid he would run in the opposite direction. I eventually sat him down in person and explained the situation. He sat in silence for a minute and then asked questions. I gave him all the necessary information about it, statistics of transmission, explained what I was doing to prevent further breakouts and what I could do to prevent transmission to him, and then asked if he had any questions. I told him I would not be angry about rejection and to think about it before deciding anything. We are still together and very happy. Basically, you need to tell him. If he is as serious about you as he says he is, then it won’t be an issue. It will be worth the risk in their eyes. If he rejects it, it’s safe to say he was not as serious as he said and you should move on.

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I agree w/ @mil21, you need to tell him. By not disclosing prior to being intimate, you are going to risk him not trusting you when he does find out. Which will then snowball into him doubting everything you have told him. He needs to be able to make that decision. Do you think you'll have more courage if you tell him over the phone vs face to face? Obviously once you tell him, allow him to ask questions and give him time. You never know, it might be no big deal for him if he wants a future with you, he will accept you exactly as you are. Best of luck. Keep us posted!

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Well ladies, I had a horrible night last night. Sleepless worrying about how/when to tell him. I ended up telling him over text this morning. He did not respond to my long essay until mid afternoon saying he had a crazy morning. I responded but his behavior was totally different towards me. Usually he’s sending me songs, randomly texting me to remind me of how much he likes me, etc and today he’s just so bland and simple. I feel somewhat ghosted. I tried to bring up the subject by saying “i thought you wouldn’t reply after what i told you” and he completely changed the subject.

 

I’m definitely feeling down. When my heart finally had truly opened up to someone I pretty much get rejected. (Ive never been rejected H or not so this is a little difficult) I’ve disclosed to other guys previously and they are still interested in me. Sadly, the one I want seems isnt....

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