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Boyfriend HSV2+, Girlfriend H- :: Sex and relationship advice!


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Hello,

My boyfriend is HSV2+ and I am H-. He told me his status on our second date so I would be able to make an informed decision before getting into a longer term relationship. As I'm sure you can guess, we've only gotten closer and things are heading in a more serious direction. Despite the positive forward momentum of our relationship, he's been having some difficulty feeling and maintaining sexual arousal, as he doesn't like condoms. I've been clear that I'm not willing to have sex or preform oral without them, especially if we are not married. He's been respectful thus far of my decision to continue an H- life, however as we near closer to a more committed relationship, I'm wondering what the best decision is. I've been contemplating becoming HSV2+, but I don't want to risk oral herpes for either of us if we were to continue our relationship without protection (as he's wanting).

Does any one have any advice as far as protected sex that might increase his sensation? Or any thoughts on maintaining an H- lifestyle versus becoming HSV2+ after a long term commitment?

Thank you in advance for any help!

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I am sure you know this but male to female transmission rate is 10% with no antiviral or condom. I believe if he was to take a daily antiviral and you stopped using condoms the risk would be cut in about half to 4-5%.

 

While it isn't impossible, contracting oral HSV2 is very very rare and in my opinion condoms aren't necessary for oral. But again, its not impossible just incredibly rare.

 

Only you can answer the question as to whether this is a relationship you would risk being HSV+ for. If you continued on with the condoms and lets say you break up in the future, would you ask all future partners if they know their status and if they don't, would you require them to be tested? Would you get yourself retested or assume you are still negative?

 

I have had a potential partner be nervous about sleeping with me (keep in mind in our case the risk would be 1%) because he would rather take an unknown risk than a known risk. While he was very appreciative of my disclosure and has a STRONG sense that it is absolutely always the right thing to do to disclose...he only felt that way about people who know their status. He isn't going to take a proactive role in his own health to ask partners about their status but was potentially willing to reject me because of my honesty. This type of thing baffles me.

 

First and foremost...I think you need to decide where you stand with HSV. Of course no one wants it, but is your stance against getting it so strong that you would take the necessary steps with all future partners? If the answer is probably not... then I would recommend you be open minded about not using condoms with your partner because in some ways you are being hypocritical to your own stance on the issue. If your answer is yes...then this relationship might not be the right one for you. Nothing wrong with that but I think its worth doing some real reflection on so neither of you waste time with the wrong type of partner for you both

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  • 4 weeks later...

Oral H would be really difficult to obtain. Unless, maybe he had an obvious ob and you chose to do oral then. I'm Hvs2+ and hubby negative. We've been together almost 22 yrs. We've had way more oral than intercourse.......he also wears condoms during intercourse. It's his choice and I respect it 100%. It has kept him virus free. I only went on anti viral about 2 years ago. I've never passed this on to anyone in 35 plus yrs.

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Katie

Oral H would be really difficult to obtain. Unless, maybe he had an obvious ob and you chose to do oral then. I'm Hvs2+ and hubby negative. We've been together almost 22 yrs. We've had way more oral than intercourse.......he also wears condoms during intercourse. It's his choice and I respect it 100%. It has kept him virus free. I only went on anti viral about 2 years ago. I've never passed this on to anyone in 35 plus yrs.

 

Thank you all for these comments. It's nice to hear from those with first hand experience. I'll certainly share this with my partner

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