I need advice and understanding

Earlier this week I checked my email because I had new labs come in. I saw my Ob/Gyn on January 8th for a routine checkup and mentioned I had a new partner and wanted to go ahead and get swabs and blood tests for everything.

Honestly, I regret that now.

The doctor called me on Wednesday the 10th to tell me I had bacterial vaginosis and prescribed a vaginal gel. No problem, as I (tmi alert) had used a home douche earlier before my appointment so I could feel fresh when I went to the doctor. The weeks prior I was experiencing excessive sweating and discomfort as well as discharge and itching that I usually associate with hIgh blood sugar (I am a type II diabetic as well). I thought nothing of this, picked up my medication and went about my weekend until yesterday.

Since the results, I have called my ob/gynto ask about what is going on, and did not get any comforting answers. I asked if I needed medication and the nurse straight out said no, which made me feel bad. Now my head is reeling and I've been researching online as much information as I can as well as combing through these and other forums. What do I do?

I want to be sure and I need advice but I fear I will hear the same thing and be made to feel forgotten. I'm depressed and feeling useless. This last year hasn't been the best for me and this feels like the straw that will break the camels back. I'm not a weak person and have certainly been through worse, but this diagnosis is heartbreaking and I want answers.

The test said I was 0.08 for HSV -1 and 4.38 for HSV-2. I just don't understand because I have been tested in the past. I also did not know until I asked the nurse that they do not test pregnant women for herpes. I was kind of dumbfounded. So now, I am thinking, did I already have this? Did I get it from baby daddy or this new guy? I hadn't had sex in a year and a half after my ex and then I get this diagnosis and I am just so sad and disappointed. I want to be healthy and am tired of having chronic health conditions.

My most recent partner was informed and I'm pushing testing on him. My son's father, my last partner before the most recent one, has been informed but is a fat lazy pig who probably won't get tested because he claims he doesn't have symptoms. All I need is for them both to be honest and go get checked so I can (my logic) further pursue when and where and from whom I received this condition so I can find out if maybe there was a clerical error. If I sound delusional, I am sorry, but there is nothing wrong with a second opinion. Any advice would be great.

My main questions:

is it possible for my ex and my current sex partner to both be negative while I am positive?

is the answer to the above question indicative of a False Positive?

is it likely for me to have this and not have passed it on to either of these men?

could I have contracted this from one of them and they don't have any symptoms or positive test results? like a carrier?

The doctors seem clueless and just seem to want me to accept my diagnosis with no explanation. I say no!

additionally: why wasn't I offered medication but my sex partner was given antibiotics? I'd like to note that I am an African American women who has state health care (Medicaid) and health care in the united states has a history of discrimination in care against women of color and I feel like this is related but I cannot be sure. Reading some peoples stories I see that sometimes poor care is common no matter what your demographic is. I just want help :( I'm so hurt right now.

Sadmama, I was diagnosed yesterday. I feel sad, dirty, confused, ashamed. Just want to let you know that if you want, you can tell your doctor to put you on an anti viral medication. Antibiotics don't work for Herpes because it is a virus. Have you had an outbreak ? I feel your pain & just wanted to reply. Apparently, we are not alone. Many people suffer from this. My doctor didn't give me any answers, just delievered the news. I never even got my numbers. Good luck to you & sorry I couldn't provide answers.

I'm very sorry you're dealing with this.

I think there's a major disconnect between how health professionals and patients and general society perceive an HSV2 diagnosis. In the U.S., a large majority of adult black women have HSV2. By age 27, more than 60% of single and divorced black women are infected and this increases to nearly 80% by age 42. It is exceedingly common (among other races, as well). And most of these women are unaware they are infected. Those who are aware often aren't vocal about it. So I think doctors look at it like a very normal thing (it is) and put their energy into treating the more bothersome symptomatic cases. In those cases, they may prescribe antivirals. Antibiotics are not a treatment for herpes, but would have been prescribed for your bacterial infection which may or may not be related. I've heard of cases of people getting bacterial infections with initial outbreaks but rarely with recurrences, and bacterial infections occur in women without HSV, as well. I don't understand why the antibiotics were prescribed for your partner instead. That part doesn't make sense to me as normally the woman with BV is treated, not the man. Maybe sometimes both are treated, but just the man? I don't get it.

In answer to your questions, I'm not a medical professional, but here's my opinion:

1. Yes, unless they are the only two sex partners you've had. If they are your only two lifetime sex partners, then you would have contracted it from one of them.

2. False positive almost always occur in results lower than 3.5. However, someone on this board recently had a false positive that was a little higher, so you never know.

3. Yes, you can have it for years and not pass it on. Also, in case it's relevant, bear in mind rates of HSV2 are extremely high among adult black men, as well. Greater than 50% by early 40s. But regardless of race, if one these two partners has HSV2, unless you were his only partner, he could easily have contracted it from someone else. Most people never know they have it, and those who know they have it often never know who they got it from, just like the virus for oral herpes (cold sores).

4. Yes. 80-90% of people with HSV2 have no idea they have it because they do not have symptoms or symptoms are so mild, they don't realize they are HSV related but rather assume they have an ingrown hair, jock itch, razorburn, a pimple, etc.

I agree with you that doctors often don't do a good job of educating patients on this, and studies indicate they are more likely to be dismissive of women's concerns and I can only imagine this is particularly true for black women, given how our society operates. I'm so sorry you experienced this and hope you will take comfort in at least knowing you are far from alone in this.

Just as a note, both my partners are white. The ex i had my son with got tested so now I'm waiting on the newest one. I will feel more comfortable persuing further testing once he gets results but i feel like he is hesitating. Hes made up about ten excuses now as to why he cant go to the STD clinic. I copy and pasted an exerpt from Ohio Revised Code about knowingly giving someone an std because in ohio that is considered assault.

I have no answers from neither yet.

I wish there was a law like that in NY