New to learning about herpes

I got diagnosed 2 years ago and I did some research , but my doctors never really gave me any advice or insight into the disease. I have dates guys since and either they got grossed out and left or they didn't care. I recently started dating a guy who is super worried, but wants it to work. It's really new to me that he wants to stay even though he's afraid. I wish I could give him all the answers he wants but I can't. Can anyone give me some insight into the disease?

First of all, you found yourself a very brave person who wants to have a meaningful relationship.

Second,

I recommend he get tested for herpes himself, to ensure that you are not both afraid for nothing. It is common to have herpes and not know it.

Third,

If he doesn't have the virus:

You can reduce the chance of transmission by taking suppression medicine like valacyclovir and by using condoms.

If you have specific questions, feel free to ask. We have a non judgemental policy here.

You could probably benefit from going to see a doctor with him so that you can both get questions answered.

Thank you so much! He actually brought up the idea of going to a planned parenthood to see if maybe they would give us more information about it. Do you know if they would charge for advice?

I didn't think to ask him to go get checked, that may be a wise idea, but I'm afraid he will get offended that I asked him to get tested. Can you spread herpes through oral if you don't currently have a cold sore?

Well, it is possible to spread herpes without symptoms. It's rare, but it happens.

The truth of the matter is that "shedding" can occur randomly and without warning. However, taking medication, washing hands normally, and avoiding contact when you feel an outbreak coming on, happening, or within a few days of clearing is the best way to prevent spread.

Planned Parenthood might be a good option. If you have insurance, a minute clinic might be a good option too. Best case scenario, you'd be able to see a primary care physician whenever you have issues or questions, but a lot of people simply can't afford that kind of care.

Personally, I google up medical articles about my questions. Ones that are published on a medical journals after peer review are the most reliable source of information, short of seeing a doctor in person.

There are also advice hotlines available in some states that you can get simple answers from an RN, but I haven't used one of those since the early 2000's, so I'm not sure about them anymore.

If he gets offended by you suggesting he test for herpes, remind him that all of your anxiety about transmitting the virus may be for nothing. And, at very least if he doesn't have herpes, it will make all of the time and effort to protect him worth while.

I realize that doing all of these things takes an investment of time and money, but it is worth it.

Thank you! I never heard of a minute clinic, but I will look them up.