Hi everyone, i am a 23 year old female from UK. I have been reading through all the posts since I found out I was given GHSV-1 around a month ago and I went through all the emotions of being angry that someone could pass this over to me, crying about my future (i’m south asian and come from a religious family where arranged marriage is potentially a thing), denial and then finally acceptance. I have panicked the most about my future and the possibility of never getting married due to this. Sex before marriage is a big deal and one I was hoping I could shy away from explaining as a i believed I was keeping safe through every possible aspect even regular check ups before and after sexual partners.
I want to tell you guys that if you’re feeling/thinking the same, please believe me when I say you will be ok! If not as quick as I have but eventually and also that not every post on this site will give you the answers you’re hoping for but majority will ease your mind. there is a fantastic support group here.
Right, where to begin! it’s a very long story but I will try to keep it short. When I was diagnosed, I tried to keep it a secret due to the fact I had received GHSV1 from my manager after having slept with him after a messy christmas party (i know i know! i still kick myself over this... talk about the gift that keeps giving!!!). Only two people knew of this situation and the outcome and unfortunately (cause my luck wasn’t already low!), everyone at work had become aware of what happened including the GHSV1. I thought people would think horrible things and judge me but I have received nothing but love, concern and support over this. I continue to receive this. Please, don’t keep this to yourself if you’re struggling, learn the facts, educate people and you will see people aren’t as bothered by herpes.
Right onto disclosures! - This actually happened a couple of days after i was diagnosed. Not truly understanding herpes and all this talk of disclosure I didn’t know how to go about informing people. Do i throw it in from the get go? before sex or what. I didn’t have answers. I had been talking to this guy who is south asian so same family values and ethics as mine.I thought for sure telling him this he would call me a disgrace for having sex before marriage and also being given a virus! I went right in and told him everything I knew from what I read. It was unfortunately in a panicked state but I held my ground and said “I don’t care about this and I am telling you because you might and I want you to keep having a choice as you would if you married me.” I was baffled when he responded saying he didn’t care and would still love me for me if it came down to it. SUCCESS
A month down the line and we are still talking and have a strong open relationship although we are taking our time with the whole marriage potential!
Second disclosure - a month after diagnosis (i.e yesterday). An ex-boyfriend had messaged me after not talking for awhile. Our relationship was a strong one and really had potential to be something (had I not come from a traditional asian family and him being much older than I, and being white). He also had been a casual lover for a long period of time because we couldn’t seem to part ways.. We spoke on a personal level. I explained to him what happened and disclosed I had contracted herpes. He is very safe sex, health conscious so I was expecting rejection or some kind of judgement for being careless or something. Instead I was told that he would still love me as he had before and not change a thing (not that we will be getting back together but to know nothing would change.. massive relief!). I actually cried after he responded.
There are people who it will bother but there are more who it doesn’t, Embrace those who still accept you and know your worth when people don’t. I have yet to face rejection to understand how it feels but the way I have accepted my GHSV1, I don’t think it would impact me the way I originally thought.
I hope this encourages people to disclose. It really does build a wall of trust
(I also hope all this is coherent lol)