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positive guide to herpes disclosure






 

 

Should I re-disclose now that I have IGG results?

Should I re-disclose to current boyfriend now that I know more details about my HSV-1 status?



Here’s the brief background.



My initial OB was the end of November. Dermatologist told me that with exposure to a fairly new boyfriend (OB 7 weeks after we first had sex, and 1 week after sex with a rough spot on my lip caused by his mustache), ncubation period, and how severe my OB was (face, vulva, left eye), she was positive current boyfriend was my giver. She said it made sense that H got into my system through the rough spot on my lip, and was so severe because I had never even had a cold sore ever in my life.



Yes, I was infected on my face, genitals, and eye all simultaneously. Lucky me.



I had a 10-panel STD fest done by an independent lab 11.5 weeks after we first had sex (and 6 weeks after the rough spot on my lip and first OB) because 3 doctors had refused to type the swabs they took and blood they had drawn. All told me some nonsense about how it did not matter if I had type 1 or 2. (Don’t get me started on my rant about physicians spewing incorrect info to patients!)



The results of the 10-panel came in last night. I am negative for HSV-2, and my HSV-1 IGG is 5.92.



A couple of H friends that I have met online who really know their stuff told me that my HSV-1 IGG of 5.92 means this is NOT a new infection.



Current BF and I had been thinking that what the dermatologist said was true — if he was my giver, he already has antibodies built up, so I can’t give it back to him. So we were “matched” as far as not having to worry about further transmission.



We have no idea if he has HSV-1 (or 2) because he was never tested. He always assumed standard STD tests included it, just like I — and probably most of us — assumed it was included.



This changes things for us. Now I have something new to disclose. “Hey, remember when we thought you must have given me this so there was no risk of me giving it back to you? Well, that little doctor was probably wrong.”



Ugh. I hate this.



I’ve read a lot of posts that say HSV-1 is no big deal and we shouldn’t freak out about having it. But it is a big deal when you’re newly diagnosed and trying to grasp all of this. And I would imagine it’s a big deal for the rest of our lives.



I saw a link in another thread to a Q & A on a website where a young man had HSV-1 questions. They were all valid questions, yet the doctor who was answering said he had given the man enough answer for the man to calm down about it, yet the man had asked another question, so the doctor replied something like “This will be the end of our conversation.”



How rude to diminish what someone else is going through.



But i’m off topic now.



SHOULD I RE-DISCLOSE TO BOYFRIEND NOW?



With the first disclosure, he was mad that I had waited to tell him in person rather than on the phone (because we live more than an hour apart), he seemed upset, but within an hour he seemed okay and we were having sex and oral sex without protection just like we have for our whole relationship.



If he was willing to take the risk then, do I assume he is still willing to take the risk now and not mention it? Or do I re-disclose?



Yes, I realize I need to talk him into getting tested. He’s one of these guys who says he doesn’t have anything because he’s never had anything appear on his penis, and says he has only slept with clean girls. As if you would know their status from looking at them.


Comments

  • Are you asking if you can give your HSV1 to him and reinfect him?

    I once had a physician’s assistant tell me that I still had to be careful with HSV partners (I have both strains) because my strain and his strain wouldn’t be identical and we could pass it to each other and theoretically have totally different types of outbreaks. This came up right around the time I had the western blot done, so I asked Terri Warren about it.

    Here’s her reply to me via email:

    “While that’s conceptually true, experts agree that there is no clinical implication to this theory and we do not discourage this kind of contact nor do we suggest that you be careful about transmission with someone who has your same type (1 or 2).”
  • I think @TeaWithTheQueen is saying she now doesn’t believe that her current bf gave her HSV1 and is wondering if she should inform him of her newly found news. My response is I believe you should. He may not currently be infected, if he isn’t the giver, so knowing you are he has the right to decide for himself on what to do next, especially if he isn’t infected. He has already chosen to stay with you, so chances are he still will but if he isn’t H+ let him have the chance to use protection and take precautions from getting H also.
  • Was he open to getting the IgG testing done? While it's possible that you may have a relatively elevated amount of anti-HSV1 IgG, it's hard to say that you did or didn't have HSV-1 prior to your presumed first OB in November if you never had negative IgG serology results before then.

    I think a month and a half is plenty of time to build up a memory immune response (i.e., the IgG - this type of antibody is that is typically made after ~2-4 weeks after an infection of some sort). As I said above, if you didn't have HSV serology performed before the November outbreak, it's hard to tell whether this was a new infection or if you've had HSV-1 for much longer.

    I disagree w/ @lostandconfused in that you shouldn't have to "re-disclose" as it isn't cut and dry as to which of you passed HSV to the other. Would your current BF be willing to get the IgG serology performed to verify that he does, in fact have HSV-1 antibodies built up? If he does, then you guys are good to go - trying to figure out passed on what at this point would be moot, as neither of you knew in the first place. Even if he doesn't have the antibodies, I wouldn't see the the point in having to re-disclose your status as he already knows you have HSV-1. If he chooses not get the blood work done, it's probably better that you assume he doesn't have it and take precautions to avoid transmitting it as necessary.
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