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18 yr old daughter was just diagnosed with HSV2

My 18yr daughter was diagnosed with HSV2 today, Doctor said her level is 1.8. HSV1 is negative. About 3 1/2 wks ago she had a pretty intense oral surgery for removal of wisdom teeth, had to be treated for dry sockets twice. She was on several medications, including antibiotics, pain medicine and ibuprofen. During this time she started to get oral ulcers, Dentist said it was common after a oral surgery. A few days later she was having problems with urinating, dryness and itching. She had a urine sample done and had a bladder infection. Then came vaginal ulcers. Back to the doctors again and they say it may be acute reactive aphthous ulcers which is common after a surgery and long doses of medication. Now after a blood test they say it's HSV2. We are both devasted. She says she has had oral sexual recently but is still a virgin and is adement about it. Both the doctor and myself believe her. Could it be possible this test came back a false positive even with having symptoms of herpes. It's all so confusing. I don't know if this is all from her surgery or she really has HSV2. I am 100% behind my daughter, I am not mad or angry. My heart is broken for her, she thinks no one will ever want her now and that she's damaged. Please some one help me with advice


  • She is going to libe to be the exact same person she would have been. You can absolutely trust in that!

    I know she is having a lot of inner conflict, and she is lucky to have a mother who supports her.
    I recommend that she try to steer her thoughts toward positive notions about the future. To remember that herpes does not make her any better or worse at anything. She is just as capable as she always has been.
    She won't be alone forever. Herpes is not the most defining feature of any relationships with those who are H+, especially in relationships where only one person has been diagnosed.
    I can personally attest that I saw zero change in my ability in school, work, or relationship as I went through diagnosis and the months following. She will see the same be true for herself.

    For you personally, I would recommend that you not steer conversation toward herpes, but encourage any conversation unrelated. If your daughter needs to vent about it, be strong for her, listen, but don't drag out the topic more than just what she needs.
    Ask her for help with simple things like getting groceries, or taking the car for an oil change. She will see your desire for her to be with you, and to help you as affirmation that she is capable and likeable. Encourage her to seek opportunities to spend time with her friends, to help them if she can. It will remind her that other people can appreciate her.
    Tell her she is pretty when she needs it.
    Tell her to toughen up and take care of her school or work obligations when she needs it.
    Help her to understand that she has not spontaneously become someone less than she was. She is the person she chooses to be, good or bad.
    Her dreams are just as far-fetched as always. Her powerful moods, just as fleeting as ever. Her ability to chase those dreams and temper those moods, just as much her own as always. No better or worse.

    You'll see, in a few weeks she will start feeling more positive for longer amounts of time. In a few months, she will be back at her pursuit of her goals at full force. She will realize that she is still just as capable, desirable, and good as ever.
    Her diagnosis can't change any of that. Only her reaction to it will change anything.
  • Thank you for your uplifting response. Today is day 2 since we found out and she keeps crying, I feel so helpless. It's been a week since the symptoms started and she's still in pain and has a are time walking. She keeps asking me how long till this pain goes away and I don't have an answer. 18 yrs old and her first sexual experience, no intercourse and this happens. I think I'm a depressed as she is.
  • Has she been prescribed valacyclovir or an equivalent medicine?
    I found that taking the medication offered me a really valuable sense of security in that I was doing something about it. It is also helpful to know that her immune system will get better at managing the virus, and it will not be so difficult forever.
    I know that it is a hard truth that bad things happen to good people.
    The sadness and anger will dull. The pain will ease up.

    Also understand that as her mother, there will be some things that she doesn't want to talk to you about. It's not that she doesn't think you are capable of being supportive in the subjects, but it is often easier to approach certain topics with people who are not part of the immediate family. Has she reached out to anyone else for support?
    It might be helpful for her to make an account on this site as well, so that she can read about other's experiences, and possibly reach out to individuals for candid discussion.

    I know that your empathy for her is profound, and that she will pick up on subtle queues from your mood easily. Try to be positive, forward-thinking, and encouraging as much as possible for her. She might begin to see that your expectations for her haven't changed, and that your opinion of her ability and worth as a person hasn't changed. It might help her to feel the same about herself.
  • She's been on valtrex for the past few days but she only has 2 more days left. The doctor doesn't want her on any medicine until he is completely sure that's what it is or another out break comes. I think he's a little clueless when it comes to this. I've done a lot of research the past 3/4 days and I knew more than him. I've seen a lot of comments and reviews about taking L-Lylsine to boost up her immune system and help keep breakouts to a mimuim or none at all. As well with taking vitamin C and zinc daily.
    I've been staying very positive around her, helping any way I can. I'm the only one besides the doctor and her boyfriend that knows. She's not ready to talk to anyone about it or tell anyone. She's still in shock of it all which I understand. We are pretty close and she know I am there 100% and doing every thing I can to try to help her. I am however a total mess in private and when she's not home. Hopefully soon she will branch out for help and advice
  • Well, it's good to know that she got a few doses of medication. It may be worthwhile to get a second opinion from another doctor, there is nothing wrong with wanting solid answers.
    Like you said, she has only just been diagnosed. She will have better days ahead of her, for sure!
    She is very lucky to have a mother who is so dedicated to being what she needs!
    I hope it won't be long before you simply don't need the forum here because she will be feeling like herself again, and herpes simply won't be as big of a thing as it seems now.
  • Two things.

    First, and perhaps the most important is that herpes is not a big deal. Really it's not. It's so innocuous that most people (80+%) who have it don't know because they have no noticable symptoms. Many people who do get symptoms will have one outbreak and never have another, like chicken pox. Those who have continued outbreaks will notice their symptoms decrease with time, from what I've read the second outbreak is never as bad as the first, and it just improves from there. If you're going to have sex, and everyone should, you're likely going to be exposed to HSV 1 or 2, especially when you consider 2/3 of folks have HSV1 and 1/4 have HSV2. Genital HSV carries a reputation the virus does not deserve. The stigma comes from 1) the fact that you get it on your genitals and people get all weird when they think about genitals and 2) the fact that you get it from sex and people get all weird when they think about sex. So the take home message is herpes is not a big deal!

    Second) you should get a second opinion. HSV2 is not likely to transmit from oral to genital. I'm not saying it's impossible but it's really unlikely. Couple that with the fact that had her test results been a touch lower they'd be called negative. False positives do happen. If her number was more solid, or even if it was type 1 it'd make more sense but I'm skeptical of her diagnosis. So relax. She might not even have it.

    Take this as an opportunity to have some good ol' sex education because Lord knows it's lacking in the US. And remember the only way to avoid STIs like herpes is abstinence and that's no fun. I've only been with two people, the second being my husband who also has a scant sexual past. Neither of us have ever had any known symptoms of HSV and 15 years into our monogamous relationship, bam! Herpes. He did recall what might have been a cold sore as a kid so maybe that's the culprit, who knows. Who cares. If it can happen to me it can happen to anyone. And truth be told I'd do it all over again and again and again because my husband is awesome and we're awesome together, plus I'm not a fan of celibacy. Another woman I met on a similar forum was a virgin when she married her virgin husband but because we all like oral sex, and since most the population has HSV1, she now has it genitally.

    Good luck!
  • edited January 13
    This is why I think you should get a second opinion.


    "A 2005 study published in the journal BioMed Central Infectious Disease found that index values above 3.5 yielded over 90 percent accuracy — but scores between 1.1 and 3.5 had around a 50 percent chance of being wrong.

    What’s more, scores falling just above the 1.1 cutoff had an almost 90 percent chance of being wrong."

    Considering your daughter's lab results of 1.8 she has, at best, a 50/50 chance of having HSV. You might as well flip a coin.
  • Thank you all for your kind words and advice. Haven't heard back from the doctor yet about the results from the PCR test. We will definitely be getting a 2nd opinion either way. After reading many comments, reviews and articles she starting taking a vitamin c, zinc and L-Lysine yesterday and today she feels so much better. She's able to walk around comfortably and not in the horrible pain she was in. She still has her moments and breaks down in tears, it hurts me so bad and trying to stay strong for her and not cry is very difficult especially when your child is hurting both mentally and physically. We take it day by day at this point. Thank you all again
  • Remember that her acceptance of herself and her happiness will wander toward positive and negative, always. That you won't see constant improvement, but a general trend over time.
    Someone gave me the same advice once just a few weeks ago, and it really helped me.
    One hard day, or one sudden burst of tears does not mean a set back. It's just a thing that happens.
  • That's great she had a PCR done on the lesions. That test is much more accurate and conclusive. Keep us posted.
  • edited January 27
    Hey! I had a pretty similar situation to your daughter.. I was diagnosed with genital HSV 1 at 17 while I was still a virgin. Even though that was four years ago, I still remember how scary and hopeless I felt. I missed a week of school and sobbed my eyes out everyday. Please tell her that she is not disgusting or any less of a person, she will find love as many of the individuals here have (including me, i’m 21 and in college and I’ve been with my boyfriend who doesn’t have hsv for 1.5 years now!)
  • I’m sorry this happened to her. Her body may have just been run down and immune system low from the procedure. I was diagnosed at 18 from oral sex as well. Let her know it doesn’t AT ALL mean no one will want her. I’ve met some wonderful people who’ve been very accepting. Humans are compassionate, even young ones. It honestly doesn’t change your life like she feels right now. If anything I think it made me a more understanding and less judgmental person. In future relationships be honest and own your story. The right people you’re meant to cross paths with will not leave! She will be okay in time. It can be very hard at first.
  • I’m also open to conversation! Just tag me back in this and I’ll give you details.
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