Newbie (Plus some questions)

Hi All,

I was just informed that I have HSV 2. These last few days waiting for those final words have been the hardest, I thought I had gotten all my crying out just from the "maybe". But, hearing for 100% true news today has caused me to feel completely numb and crying at random moments.

I've never experienced any symptoms until about a week ago. Although I don't have the best (nor shortest) sexual history, I always considered myself to be pretty responsible - especially when it came to testing. I would get tested for everything every 6 months to 1 year and it would return negative. I would ask for the HSV test numerous times, but my doctors never recommended getting it done because the blood test was unreliable and could simply show having the virus in your system, such as a cold sore (I've never had a cold sore). They mentioned that unless I knew I was with someone that had HSV or I had sores to culture, they didn't recommend completing blood work. So, I never did. Which I am now kicking myself for. I pay close attention to my body, how I feel, and even what my genital area looks like. I've never experienced anything to make me even think that HSV was a possibility. It makes me feel even worse that I have no idea who this came from or how long I've had it.

My first outbreak occurred a couple days after being with my new boyfriend unprotected. We had sex multiple times in a given weekend, all unprotected. I was sore after the first few times but I thought it was just due to overdoing it... there was a lot of friction. Of course thinking it was just soreness, we continued to have sex. A day or two later I started experiencing redness, no cuts to my knowledge as it didn't burn when I peed. The a day later I noticed bumps, still thinking it was some sort of Yeast Infection because I got that in Bacterial Vaginosis very easily. Then, I noticed they had turned to sores and it burned to pee. I immediately called the doctor for the appointment. I was in the worst pain of my life, even when she took the cultures. The other symptoms I experienced was feeling like I had a fever, body aches, and swollen lymph nodes on both sides of my groin. At first I thought, my new boyfriend must have given this to me since it happened so soon afterwards. But, I've been informed that the friction could've caused it for the first time. This is so hard to accept because I usually feel any illness fairly quickly. I've always thought I had the immune system that nothing would be dormant for a long time. Now, this. I have HSV and I'm just finding out after just getting into the best relationship I've ever experienced.

He doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore. Which I understand, especially if his results return that he is negative. Is it likely that he is negative after the experience I previously mentioned we had? We had sex while I was sore, but the bumps and sores weren't present.

I'm sorry for this long message. I just needed to get this all out somewhere. Looking for people with similar stories or insight. Luckily the Valtrex is finally helping after five days. I don't know what I'm going to do or how I'm going to live with this. I keep seeing how common it is, how an outbreak could never occur after the first, etc. but I still have herpes. While it is common, it could also be easier for him to find someone without it. Any feedback would be greatly appreciated. Any calming words. I have no idea why this is happening. I'm kicking myself for never getting blood work to at least just know it was in my system. I don't know why I had to find this out after being with someone new. This would still hurt, but would've been better to know before possibly impacting someone else's life.

I appreciate this group and all the information that has been shared. I hope to be as strong as some of you H+ commenters appear to be through all of this.

How were you diagnosed? Swab? Blood test? A blood test could give you a general idea as to whether or not this is a recent or established infection. It's possible your boyfriend gave it to you and has just never had symptoms. At the end of the day it doesn't really matter, in my opinion, but if he's going to say he doesn't want to be with you over it he ought to be damn sure he's not the one who gave it to you in the first place. With our crappy sex education and a stigma much grander than the virus itself the diagnosis can be difficult to accept. The fact that your boyfriend is telling you in this moment that he might bail over HSV is just plain rude. Especially when, even if he is negative, he can walk away from you (who knows your status) and into the arms of someone who does not know their status.