Gf told me she is h+

So I've been dating a girl for a little over a month, we both are same age and actual have children the same age. Things have been going awesome and I really started to see things going somewhere. We have had sex 2 times. I've been tested regularly and I guess assumed people are honest about their health prior to sex. Well fast forward to nye and we had some drinks and she decided to tell me that she was h+. I was immediately upset and probably reacted poorly due to the circumstances of being intoxicated and the news of being exposed to something I've never even worried about.

The next day I did my fair share of research, we have talked in person since then. She's apologized for withholding the information and being intimate with me before telling.

I really liked this girl, and I just feel shocked and violated. I'm not sure that I can dismiss the distrust. I feel like had I known before hand things would be much different.

Thanks for listening, just looking for some insight

Being lied to about anything is never good. If she’s lied about something that could a huge life changer for a person, what else will she lie about? Did she fess up because she was drinking or was she going to tell you anyways? I agree that I don’t believe I’d be able to dismiss the fact that she lied. Precautions can be taken to prevent herpes, although nothing is 100%. You’re in a tough place because of being deceived, but in your heart you’ll know the right move to lake. Good luck!

I'm not defending her. There could be a possibility that she is having a hard time accepting herpes. There are other stories of people not disclosing because the fear of rejection and what not.

You know her best, did you have a serious talk about why she didn't disclose before? If you think she's a genuine person...and the relationship was "leading somewhere...".....I'd at least try to understand why she did not disclose...and emphasis "trust" in the relationship moving forward. If you think she has issues opening up to you emotionally (while sober)....then you should re-evaluate your relationship.

Shame and fear are a very poor excuse for withholding a truth that could change someone else's life, or at very least, cause them a lot of emotional distress.

She put you at risk knowingly without considering your right to give consent.

You need to consider whether you could trust her not to make destructively selfish decisions in the future.

I'm sorry to hear that you are going through something so difficult. Herpes may well not be the most terrible thing, but it's definitely not fun.

Many people with herpes fear being alone forever, then make decisions like this one to put others at risk against their will, thereby reinforcing their own fear with guilt of having betrayed someone they care about.

Do what you think is right for you. You have every right to decide for yourself, and to set your own criteria for what makes a relationship good or bad.

I agree with @RegularGuy. She only said something because she’d been drinking so what else is she not saying?? It’s a tough spot to be in. Just hear her out and go with your gut. Good luck

Was your two sex episodes with or without condoms? If I'm reading between the lines here, I'm guessing no condoms only because of your reaction to "her" putting you at risk. If condoms were not used, I feel you share the blame here. There are two consenting adults here who know the risks of unprotected sex. I think you talk about it, decide if she is worth going forward with and go from there. We "all" make mistakes and use poor judgement at times. We are human!!!

Did you ask about her sexual health prior to having sex the first time (aka did she lie or just omit the information)? A lot of people have stuff they don't know about or disclose... I think it's ideal to always disclose but you should be aware that over half the US population has HSV1, and I've read over half of females have HSV2 (the more commonly genital one) by age 40 (I don't know her age but you mentioned you both have children). So she may not have been exposing you to some wild risk that you wouldn't have been exposed to otherwise. But obviously your decision how to deal with it/the relationship.

I would ask:

Are you on suppressive therapy?

If u used a condom and she is on suppressive therapy - She was responsible - forgive & forget

If she didn't insist on a condom and she's not on suppressive therapy - I would run. She is not thinking about you.

A mix of the two - move cautiously.