Herpes Opportunity logo
Informational Blog
Support Forum
Start Here!
H Opp Weekend
Herpes Videos
Lifestyle Guides
  Herpes Opportunity logo
Informational Blog
Support Forum
Start Here!
H Opp Weekend
Herpes Videos
Lifestyle Guides

 

 

Very suicidal

I don't think I can possibly get lower than I am now. Over the past three months, my boyfriend of two years left me, the man I thought I was going to marry and I contracted genital herpes from a man I randomly hooked up with to try to regain confidence. Unfortunately I have seemed to also auto inoculated myself with oral herpes. My genital herpes stated 3 weeks ago and will not heal and has gone from one sore than continues to scab up and reopen to three. About a week after that I got a cold sore on the corner of my lip that is so painful I can hardly eat. Now I feel a tingling on the other end of my mouth. Both oral and genitals hurt so bad at the same time and I want to die. I hate my life. I don't see any reason to go on. I will never be loved again and I feel like my entire body is subject to pain for my entire life. All I wanted was to be married with kids and that will never happen. I am worried I will kill myself. Currently I am drinking from the time I wake up til the time I sleep. I don't know what to do. I am so scared. I live alone and haven't been able to clean and it looks like a hoarder house. I don't know what to do. I just took a bunch of sleeping pills and am drinking. I just want to end this.

Comments

  • Hey please don't do that , trust me I know he feeling I was there!!! I literally wanted to die I got over it here I am today and I wish I never had those thoughts , you don't have to either, take everything one day at a time, it does get better , right now it seem like it's the end of the world it could be worse we can have hiv
  • Do you have a close friend or relative you can call? The place you're at right now sounds like an emergency. A suicide hotline? Or you could even check yourself into your local hospital.

    One thing to remember is any subsequent outbreaks will never be this bad again, psychologically or physically. You might not even have another episode again.

    I am so sorry that your are going through a tremendous amount of pain right now. Read up on HSV. The more I learned the more I realized it's a non issue.
  • Start with this video

  • don't end it all girl over herpes!!! NOT worth it like, at all. you have so much wonderful life to live and when you live it (because you will) you will quickly realize it is not worth it. There will be love, maybe heartbreak, but you will get through it! Talk to someone you know and trust. Do what you can to help you through. But you WILL get through and you will be stronger and happier because of it!!
  • I have watched all of her videos in an effort to feel more comfortably. Nothing helps. My hands are raw from washing so much. I can't stop this. I appreciate your words but I just don't know. I call the suicide hotline nightly.
  • I can't tell my family because I have a niece and a nephew that I'm worried I won't allowed to be around.
  • I am worried because I gave myself oral herpes that o will give it to my hands and eyes and eventually my whole body
  • @Wishicouldgoback85 please, please consider the reality of what is happening to you. You have caught a skin problem...essentially, you have a different strain of the chicken pox virus, that's all it is - and though it sounds like you are really having a hard time physically, it will not always be like this.

    Look how many of us there are on here, and I guarantee that is only a small fraction of people out there with the same thing, and that's an even smaller fraction of people who aren't aware they carry HSV.

    It sounds like you really need to talk to someone and put some serious perspective on this - suicidal thoughts are often triggered by other mental health conditions - can you talk to a doctor? Or call a friend for someone to listen?

    The obsessive compulsive side that comes with health issues manifests as a need to constantly 'be clean' by washing your hands excessively etc., but remember that your body is still new to all of this. Treat yourself kindly - if you are boozing on a daily basis that will lower your immune system tremendously and won't help to fight off the virus and put it in to hiding. As hard as it can be to imagine, it won't always be this way, and physically/mentally/emotionally you will get stronger daily.

    Please hang in there, and do something to put those toxic thoughts to the side. You are not alone.
  • Hang in! It will get better! Ive had it for 25 years and had a great dating/sex life. The first outbreak and the first year tend to be the worse and its gets soo much better! You WILL be loved and find love again. I know its hard to see this now... and not to stress but the stress and drinking will only hinder healing.

    I know the devastation you are feeling, I caught it at a time where there was no net yet/support like today. I suffered very alone. I made it through and you can too! :)
  • I have two kids and don't worry about giving it to them. It took 15 years of lots of great sex (including oral) before I picked it up from my husband Don't worry about spreading it. Most people get oral HSV so there's a good chance your niece and nephew will get that sooner or later anyway. As for genital, it's and STD for a reason. Your niece and nephew won't get it from you. If your HSV strain is type 2 and you auto inoculated yourself chances are you'll never have another outbreak orally again. If your strain is type 1, the majority of the population has that already anyway.

    Don't end your life over something as mundane as herpes. I freaked out too when I first found out but after learning more about the virus I realized it not a big deal. In fact it's so innocuous that 80% of people that have it don't even have noticable symptoms!
  • Read this:

    https://herpes.org.uk/frequently-asked-questions/#21

    "Children do all sorts of odd things that you can’t anticipate, but even if they put your worn knickers on their head they are not going to contract the herpes virus – relax and laugh with them."

    Your niece and nephew won't catch genital herpes from you!

  • Lastly, keep in mind that there will probably be a vaccine in the near future that will prevent infection and for those who are already infected prevent outbreaks. At that point HSV will be a non-issue.
  • Yes there's a lot of people working on vaccine to rid the virus completely out of our systems don't worry about it and they are really close to doing it but even if hey don't we still fine it's likee a common cold virus that's what my doctor said it's harmless , just cause symptoms every now and then but when the symptoms not there feel free to have sex with a loved one disclosing as well
  • So hoping that yo're feeling a little brighter! Remember - though you won't believe it now, you will get through this. You have sought support for the emotional devastation but you also need to make medical/health support a priority because this is the root case of your distress. Although it may not seem like it now, this pain WILL go away. You are obviously so emotionally traumatised your body has become extremely run down. Best advise ever, those men who leave because of ANY medical condition... let them walk. For the MAJORITY of men, herpes will not be an issue. As soon as you are well and have healed (which you will do) you WILL naturally find a new partner just like anybody without herpes would.

    What you must do now is be extremely KIND to yourself. If it helps, take your mind away from your body and imagine you're supporting a friend through this. If your doctor prescribes you antiviral meds, take them. Also, if you're in pain request a prescription for pain relief and take it. You are special and valuable and although you have not yet met your next partner, you will be precious to him too. Just do the things that you enjoy doing, read a book, think about how your life will be when this is gone. Cosy up and watch your favorite movie, eat foods that you can have with little pain. It will be hard to MAKE yourself pamper yourself with the care you deserve but remember, for most people this never comes back. Love yourself, this is where recovery in any form comes from.

    So many women with herpes have children - no problems. Remember, there is zero reason for shame. Simply put...you can get herpes from having sex, even with a condom, 99% of the world's population have sex - so how are yo any different to them? No difference, it's just that you caught a coldsore on your who-ah. Also consider, WHEN you do have a child, you'll have so much strength from this that you'll be a mm with amazing resilience and with an ability to assure them for whatever life throws at them...which it so nicely does.

    I totally get the agony of any type of issue down there ... it's enough to drive you crazy, feel like you want to be sick and just scream. This is all part of the wonderful course of being a woman (eye-roll)...like thrush, which also can come back whenever, be passed on during sex, and makes you feel like you're never going to feel normal again. Feeling like you'll never be normal again is totally normal, you just can't imagine it - but you WILL feel normal down there again.

    The cruelest part of all of this is that the big pharmaceutical companies have made billions out of making people like you feel the way that they do. They have stigmatised herpes and purposely and wrongly assigned those with the condition with a life sentence...and all to sell their antiviral meds. I don't know how any individual can make a single penny that way. Herpes is not a life sentence , it's a skin condition that any human being can get. Not pleasant, i agree ... but we have to put some perspective on it.

    Okay, next, write back to us here and just give us a little update...even if it's to say you're still struggling...because people really do care xx
  • As a personal who already has clinical depression and suicidal tendencies, I understand exactly where you're coming from. But I promise you, in a month the pain will be less, in a year the pain will be less, and every time increment from now on will lesson your pain. Having herpes does not mean the end of the world. Will some people be turned away at it? Absolutely. But those are the people you need not concern yourself with. You have a whole website here to support you, and trust me, one day you will look back and wonder why you ever wanted to kill yourself over something so silly as a non-lethal STI.
  • @wishingicouldgoback85, can you post so we know you're okay. Hugs.
Sign In or Register to comment.