Herpes Opportunity logo
Informational Blog
Support Forum
Start Here!
H Opp Weekend
Herpes Videos
Lifestyle Guides
  Herpes Opportunity logo
Informational Blog
Support Forum
Start Here!
H Opp Weekend
Herpes Videos
Lifestyle Guides

 

 

Feeling Optimistic: Successful Disclosure Story

I've been a member here for awhile, lurking around in the shadows. But I am proud to have found this community, as it has helped me re-frame my perspective on what it means to live with HSV2.

When I was first diagnosed, I just knew my life was over. As an over 40 black female with HSV2, i figured i should just throw in the towel. Dating as a 40+ black female is hard enough, but then add cooties on top of that....forget about it.

But then a funny thing happened. I met someone. He seemed awesome, and checked all the boxes of what I'm looking for. We went on about 4 dates and everything was perfect. But then oh wait, I remembered that i'm one of the "infected" and he would never want me. I came back to the forums for support, plus i read all of Adrial's guidance on changing my perspective. Then I literally wrote out my disclosure talk and practiced it. This was my opportunity (see what I did, there? lol) to start this potential relationship in the spirit of open communication, honesty and vulnerability. If he decided not to proceed, then he was rejecting the herpes, not me. and that's his choice.

I finally got the nerve to disclose, and it went better than I thought. He said he appreciated my honesty and that he'd call me in a few days. i figured oh well, i'll never hear from him again. he did call me a few days later, and we had small talk. while i was waiting for the shoe to drop, he says "so when will i see you again?". i said, well, what do you mean? I assumed after our talk you wouldnt want to see me anymore. he said what are you talking about? of course i want to see you again!

I am besides myself! He is willing to take a chance on us, and I am so happy. We've gotten much closer because of this, and we're trying to make it work. I dont know what the future will hold, but i'm excited to find out!

Comments

  • That's great, good to see uplifting stories. Thanks for sharing!
  • Very sweet!! Congratulations on a successful disclosure!!
  • @PhillyChick Thanks for sharing. So happy for you! Would you be willing to share what you said in your disclosure talk? I think that would benefit a lot of people.
  • @secondchances i hadn't thought of that but i'm happy to share! the main points were as follows:

    * I'm really happy that we met, and I feel that we are getting closer, would you agree?
    * Part of being close with someone means being authentic and vulnerable, so i'd like to share something that's private to me
    * I have HSV2, the virus that causes genital herpes
    * There's alot of misinformation out there, but the truth is it's a skin condition that many people have. It hasn't stopped me from dating and I've never passed it to anyone
    * Even though the risk of passing it is small, I still want to be honest and disclose my status. There's things we can do to reduce the risk, and I am willing to go on suppression therapy to reduce the risk even further
    * Do you have any questions for me, or would you like time to yourself to think this over?

    He took the conversation very well. I think the key was that even though I was nervous, I spoke with confidence.

    I hope that this is helpful, and that others can have successful disclosure talks.
  • Thank you for this. So uplifting to hear. Stories like these give me hope that I can still have a relationship again.
  • edited December 2017
    @phillychick YES this is very helpful! Im glad he was understanding and that your relationship is going well!! Im over 40 and recently contracted HSV2 from an ex boyfrien who didnt know he had it. Although that relationship didnt work out, Im hopeful that I will find a loving, caring, understanding man just as you have. All the best to you.
  • That's awesome!! I wish the best for both of you!!:)
  • @PhillyChick, I must say that your disclosure is the best example that I have come across..I love it! I am also a Black female, 41 years who recently contracted HSV2 from my ex-boyfriend who didn't know he had it (just like you @secondchances) and as you @PhillyChick accurately stated "dating is hard enough as a 40+ Black female and then add H to it..smh! Being new to this world I am trying to learn as much info about disclosing and I am so thankful that you included the details to your disclosure. I liked your opening line and how you mentioned about being authentic and vulnerable and I especially liked how you said you "have the virus that causes genital herpes" vs blurting out that you have HERPES. I have read somewhere that is it recommended to phrase it in the manner you did and I think that is a great suggestion. Also I liked your brave ending--giving him an option to ask questions or take time to think. I will use your main points as a guide for my disclosure so thank you so much for sharing and I am so happy that it worked out with your guy.

    P.S. I have a personal question for you...hopefully you wont mind answering it. Is the guy you disclosed to black as well?
  • @KarleneNY i'm glad you found my post helpful! i'm still learning about all this myself, but as i learn, if i can help someone else, that's great. i dont mind answering your question either. the man i'm in a relationship with is also black.

    i'm happy to chat further. maybe we can support each other! feel free to PM me
  • @PhillyChick...sure that would be great. I will definitely PM you. Thanks so much :)
  • Hi Phillychick and Second Chances, I came across this posting and relate being in the over 40 category! I even started a thread a few weeks ago wondering if there are success stories for women over 40 with herpes. It sounds like there is if you open your eyes, ignore the negative stories (which is hard, there's so many of them), and keep putting yourself out there. I just had an unexpected successful disclosure on Valentines day that I'm going to post about in that thread. Anyway, I'd love to hear more success stories for us : ), it really inspires me!
Sign In or Register to comment.