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Here it goes!!


James03

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I want to start off by saying how grateful this site has been, this is the one place i can say makes me feel normal the past little while. I've been scrolling through here for while now and have finally decided to share my story. I apologize first of any misspelling or improper grammar haha.

 

Id like to start first by saying, I'm 29 years old and live in a small city, before my formal diagnosis with HSV 2 back in September, I went through a hard break up this spring past. Myself and my girlfriend were together for 3 and a half years. At first it was great, like most relationships, but of course things went sour. During our relationship, about a year in i had my first initial breakout. I didn't fret to much because i also have severe eczema my entire life, so seeing a sketchy patch down under didn't really phase me at the time. I mentioned it to my girlfriend and she agreed it was just a patch of eczema and we went on with our lives, we kept having unprotected sex from then forth. I had pretty frequent breakouts, but seeing as i have a skin condition, as well as getting tested as soon as me and my gf started going steady i thought it was totally impossible that i could be infected.

 

Fast forward to this summer. After our break up i decided to take a life time trip to ease my mind, as well as convince myself that life is a bigger picture then a girlfriend that didn't work out. She contacted me a fair bit more once she seen me enjoying life and doing the things we have always dreamed of doing together, i found out later she was dating someone while i was away. I was totally ok with it, thinking in my head i was better off. When i came back home in June it was quite evident that she still wanted to be with me. I on the other hand was very weary. We still chatted but it was obvious she wanted more. I still cared and didn't want to totally cut off all ties. Eventually we ended up sleeping together, which was a bad idea at the time but things happen.

 

Then September came.... I was in school getting ready to finish my finals and i guess the stress triggered a breakout. I quickly seen this a good chance to get a swab test done and finally lay my head to rest. About a week later i got the call. My heart dropped. I knew it wasn't a good sign, but after talking to my sister and best friend i calmed down a bit. The waiting room was brutal, my 20 min visit seems like i spent a year in there. My doctor calls me in and boom!!! HSV type 2. Ive never had a more worse feeling. She advised me to come back a week later to have a conversation after i had a week to settle my thoughts. I immediately called my best friend, my mom, my sister, and my ex. My ex offered to come over, in which i said yes to. When she showed up i was a state of course. She settled me and told me we were in this together. It really surprised me how calm she was about it all. There wasn't a more comforting feeling. For about a week, as most of everyone here knows, i was in a state of depression. A lot of things ran through my head. I started to think a lot about my ex and how things were when we were together. I guess in a state of desperation i wanted to work on things, especially after her wanting "us'' again all summer and right after my diagnosis. I seen this as something that we would deal with together and use it as a thing that would bring us closer. I started suppressive and told her to get herself educated about this even though she had no symptoms. After about two weeks i seen that she was distant, she didn't go see a doctor and she seemed not into me as much as she was before. She eventually told me that she wasn't sure about it anymore which drove me to cut things off. I was obviously saddened and felt alone, so to better myself i hung out with my friends as much as possible, got back to a gym routine and started seeing a councillor. I was doing a bit better, but as most can agree the thought of being alone for the rest of my life set in deep. I don't feel like i belong sometimes, most of my friends are dating casually and hooking up with girls. As a 29 year old male thats hard to be left out of. I seen my ex in a lot of the places me and my friends frequent, and being in a drunken state always gravitate to each other. I was still mad at how she treated the situation, how she led me on, and how she seemed like she was in denial about the huge possibility she has this too. But of course that wasn't the talk of our conversation. Anyway the other night she came back to my place and I figured she had enough time to think about whats going on, she told me she went and got tested and things came back fine, ( where i live the health system sees HSV as a very common condition and do not test for HSV because of it being so common, HSV only gets tested if she was pregnant) so i knew this was a lie. To add to that she told me, after i asked, that she slept with the guy she was involved with when i was away.

 

Im here now feeling the lowest i have ever felt. I have someone who i felt so much for basically act like this isn't her problem, after she comforted me and made me feel like we were in this together, lie to me about a test, and sleep with someone who she could possible have passed this to without blinking a eye. I know now that I am in this battle alone, I'm scared as hell, I'm taking all the precautions i can to make this better, but where i live there isn't any local support groups. My counsellor helps a bit, and my best friend and close family are my rock at this point, for that I'm grateful. But I'm seriously worried about the future for me. I am considering moving away to somewhere with a bit more resourses for HSV, a place where no one knows me to start off from scratch. That sucks to have to consider such a thing but it has to happen. I have to get away from this tiny place to rest my head.

 

Again i am so grateful for this site and the following it has. I have realized besides all the bad stuff haha, that this thing has made me a better person in a way. I feel myself being more compassionate and caring for others, no one knows what another person has or is going through, and also I see this as making me a stronger person in the end. But with that hope also comes with fear, the fear of being alone forever, my first disclosure, the whole package deal that comes with HSV.

 

Thank you to anyone who take the time to read my story, it seems like this thing on my computer will help me out for a long time to come

 

Cheers!!!

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From what I've read you're better off without that girlfriend. She sounds toxic.

 

Welcome to the website, I'm a 25 y/o male recently diagnosed and experiencing a lot of the same feelings you are.

 

Loneliness/sorrow/depression/desperation.

 

What I've learned in a nutshell from this site is that HSV is just a mild skin condition that a lot of people have but don't know.

 

May the force be with you my friend.

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  • 2 weeks later...

Nah, nasty bitch would be a understatement. Since this post I have gotten better. I guess time heals all wounds. The future is scary enough. I can’t sit here and dwell on who gave me this. Holding a grudge wouldn’t help me at this. I realized cutting her out is the thing giving me positive insight. Forward is where my sights are set.

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