Really feel isolated ..

Hi all.. I'm currently breaking up with my partner who gave me this H, he says he didn't know he had it, we were both diagnosed a over year ago .. I was EXTREMELY ill when I first contracted it, add item to hospital with a temperature of 41 degrees & after passing out woke up in resuscitate unit, due to temperature escalation. The initial outbreak was horrendous & lasted 8/9 weeks. I was totally devastated. I'd had breast cancer befor I met this man & had hoped my future was slightly less stressful than this new 'diagnosis. I'd been on my own for 15 years bringing up my children (no sexual contact) prior to this man I met just over two yrs ago. I'm heartbroken at the moment, (also uncertainty of moving on alone with this). He doesn't want to go he's now begging to keep the relationship going, but, from the start he was checking-out local young girls half my age on Facebook, lieing about it, hiding his phone (still does) wont reveal passcoads ect, also 'gawps' at wimin every where we go I was horrified to see that he'd watched porn all night long while I was in hospital & (accidentally he claims) went on a hookup site. I've been putting up with this behaviour for two years, but for this last year I think I'm afraid to reject him from my life as I now have this disease. He now claims that he 'may' have a problem with porn, he watches a lot, I didn't know this & now feel totally 'not good enuff' ect ect. My self-asteem is at rock bottom. I did get upset about the porn revaluation recently & we argued, resulting in him saying "its better than looking at you". I can't tell you how violated I'm now feeling. He's also constantly shouting at me in anger outbursts, I'm in absolute bits, I've asked him to leave a few times due to bad behaviour but he then takes an overdose & goes of in a ambulance. Or self harms by cutting himself, he claimed he can't live without me, & that he loves me dearly, & that all this is connected to the fact that he was raped repeatedly at 13 by a neighbour for 3'years.. he's now started counciling but I still don't feel he will ever fully respect me or any relationship properly due to the conduct I have seen.. he seems slightly obsessed with wimin/girls/females. I now feel violated I honestly shouldn't have trusted this man with my hear or life,, he seemed so kind. He recently also said that he wants to stay with me as I've now got it , he meant that he'd be long gone if he hadn't got it. I've done sooo much for him. He's totally ungrateful. I feel sick that I caught this from such a selfish self absorbed pig of a man, who's sneking around behind woman's backs in so many ways is obviously second nature to him, I feel so humiliated & my heart is Brocken, I miss being a with someone but am terrified of moving on. I can't shift it either, I have had this current outbreak for 5/6 weeks really badly.. I've hardly got out of bed for 3'weeks now. Feeling isolated, dirty, frightened of being alone ect.. unfortunately I do love this man. But I'm ignoring his pleas. I just want a some respect.. any advice welcome good or bad.. God bless all .Xx ..

Hi @Raven123. Have you tried an antiviral? Or perhaps checking in with your doctor? An outbreak lasting 5-6 weeks a full year after acquiring HSV seems unusual. If there’s nothing else going on physically, I can’t help but wonder if the stress of your current situation is contributing to your lengthly outbreak.

My advice? Time to take matters into your own hands and give yourself the respect you deserve by kicking this guy to the curb. I’m struggling with your comment about loving him as you described him with some pretty awful adjectives and didn’t say one nice or even neutral thing about him. Do you have access to a counselor or any kind of support group? He does not sound at all stable, and if you were my friend or sister, I would want to know you had some professional advice and support before pulling the plug on this relationship.

The good news here is that you’ve been on your own before, which means you can absolutely do it again. If you can, get to the doctor so you can get feeling better physically, and then to a counselor so you can begin to get your life back. {{{hugs}}}

Hello hikingGirl.. Thankyou so much for reply. Yes I was diagnosed with this last year & im greatfull that you've mentioned that outbreaks shouldn't last this long, I obviously need to return to the clinic diagnosed it, or GP.. I have rang them in the past & also had an appointment to discus with them the fact that I seem to have persistent outbreaks, but they really honestly did seem to play it down, as if outbreaks where the same for everyone ' & she kept saying 'Herpes is no big deal.! Sorry, but for me it certainly has been. I tryed a medication begging with A but it didn't agree with me, so she gave Valafex.?. Instead. Again I found that after two days it made me feel sort of panicky' short of breath slightly confused even, it really frightened me. And this is the scenario I seem to have with ALL or most drugs - I seem to be 'oversensitive to any drugs or alcohol.. which rather leaves me suffering in silence, I'm terrified of that panicky horrible feeling again. I don't where to turn. I'm wondering if maybe I try a 'half dose' or would that be unhelpful.? It only know cannot go on like this, it's never leaving me alone, not even a break. I'm at rock-bottom & extremely depressed now. The stress of my partner situation is probably not helping at the moment I'm having my first meeting with the 'mental health team' tomorrow morning. I was able to refer myself. I pray they can offer some support I feel so very low still not getting out of bed. I realise hikingGirl that I didn't mention any' good point regarding my partner or X. I think because I was speaking from anger (I am angery). But in between 'arguing (which we've done a lot of latel) he is the most kind & loving caring person who obviously loves & cares deeply for me. For months on end we got on like two peas in a pod' not a cross word, but I have continued to bring up behaviour that i find concerning, I can't ignore it, it doesn't make sence, I know he loves me but his interest in other women just doesn't sit right'. Although he hasn't actually cheated (although H has come as a shock to him too) he has shown himself to see looking at wimin on Facebook ect' or in the street or watching po/rn as totally expectable. Apparently ALL men do it is his opinion. He freely admits that some of what he's done is wrong, and says he is sorry. He believes he will be a better & more open person once he's had counciling for his child abuse .?. He has started it last week. All these things have really hurt me as I don't feel 'loved by someone who secretly does things. Things that he knows would hurt my feelings.. especially conserning other females.?. I've lost trust .. but I dred going back to single with this STD.. (im really greatfull for your contact, you sound lovely, Thankyou, I have no one to discuss or talk to at moment so Thankyou hikingGirl.) Xx.. ps I'm 54 .. old to be single & with this also I'm petrified.. x..