Scared and suicidal thoughts ?

I will try to make this as simple as possible. I have been dealing with severe anxiety and depression the last ten years. I don’t take anything for them. OCD over my health.

Some background info - pituitary adenoma. “Prolactinoma” hormones were out of wack for a while before they figured out what was wrong. During that time I had severe hypochondria over a long period of time.

I was in a 6 year monogomus relationship which ended oct 2016.

In october I had slept with two women, protection used both times.

In Dec 16, I started dating someone dec 2016 and after three or so times sleeping together, we stopped using a condom. (Yes I know, dumb) I ended the relationship in late February. In March a girl I had started talking to had performed oral sex on me. Several days later the chlamydia symptoms kicked in. It was about 3 or so weeks that I realized The symptoms and freaked out. Went to the doctor, full std screening about a month after the, herpes, hiv etc negative. Chalmydia positive. Treated and went on my way. The tests were about 4 weeks after the oral sex. I even did at home oral hiv test negative. Herpes igg was negative - non reactive

I had developed what looked like to be mollescum on my scrotum. I thought it was just my skin due to me being hairy.

Fast forward to end of October-ish and start dating someone. We had engaged in sex, condom broke so we stopped. She said not to worry. She had only been with two people prior to me. The second partner she was in a relationship ended in sept 2016, full std screening may 2017! Everything was negative. Come to 15 or so days ago, comes over and we engage in unprotected sex. Around that same time, I have a dream my mother tells me I have luekemia. Scary dream that felt so real. My ocd kicks in and I think I am dying. Then i remember the unprotected sex and start obsessing over stds again. I run to the STD clinic which is where I had my testing in april done. I have them do a screening again. Rapid hiv, negative. Everything negative. The doctor looks at my penis and see’s the mollescum. Tell’s me it will eventually go away and how she heard some people use apple cider vinegar.

I was obsessing about HIV so the girl went for my sake for a full screenint again, everything including herpes all negative.

Now I have been obsessing over herpes. I don’t kno what came first the dream first and the symptoms or vice versa.

For the last two weeks, my mind has been ocd on the stds and leukemia. It has been consuming me and very debilitating.

I have not slept in 3 nights, not tired. No appetite. No flu like symptoms. Lymph nodes look good. No sores, or blisters. No redness on body

I have had achy knees, and my skin on my back all the way up to my neck and stomach feel sensitive, almost a light burn. Not painful but annoying. I have been urinating and bowel movements much more frequently. Feels like if I focus on a symptom long enough, i have a weird feeling there. My right testicle was aching on and off a bit.

I just went back to the clinic again because every hour I am looking in the mirror at my penis and body.

Can this be herpes? My anxiety has been so bad that I was afraid I may hurt myself. They said I need to go to a stabilozation center.

Idk anymore. Does it sound like herpes?

I can’t give any opinion on what it sounds like, since I truly don’t know much about herpes yet, however, I suggest not having any more unprotected sex. Seems that every time you do you get into a STD overload mode and by doing so trick your kind and body into all the symptoms. If you’re results are negative then sit back and relax. You’re fine! Breathe!!!!

I have OCD as well. The disease puts those irrational thoughts in your head, even if you logically know they aren't true. I will tell you that the first test I had done was negative, and I didnt get a positive diagnosis until I had what I thought was a yeast infection. The more I learned and researched after my diagnosis, was when I realized when I went to the doctor for an imaginary illness, it was indeed HSV2 symptoms.

I think you should look at seeing a therapist and see if you can get your OCD under control because that will help a lot. I can't function without my meds (currently effexor and buspar)