Two Days since first diagnosis

Never had any noticeable symptoms, but after all this Usher stuff, I decided to get a full round of tests from a doctor. That was two months ago. Never called me back until recently with my results. I blame to office. Doctor said I'd been "exposed to HSV-2" and ordered up a confirmation test. But I know what that means, still I wish she didn't use that language. Seriously, if I have it, jut say I have it. She never talked to me about treatment or anything I should do, just asked if I have any questions, which I think is quite odd, but we know doctors are usually full of it.

Anyway, I did an STD exam last year and everything came up negative, though I know doctors often don't test for HSV2 unless there are sores. So I'm trying to look back in those records to figure out so I can narrow it down. I'm not reaching out to my previous partners until I get final results, even though I think I know what they'll say.

I've been living with herpes for a bit, I guess, and I never had any symptoms that were super concerning or painful. I feel like that's the one relatively lucky thing about this. Still, I'm in my 30s and I worry about dating with this. I know there are people that are pretty accepting, but there are a lot who aren't. In the past two days, I've done a lot of research and read a lot of different stories, but it's already hard dating, and this is just an added obstacle. I just want a nice life and a family, and this is just going to make it harder to achieve.

Was thinking of joining HSV dating sites, but I don't want to put my picture up there, so that could also complicate things.

I just, I guess, am here looking for some support and some people who are in the same crazy situation as me. I know that many people have fulfilling love lives after this—I have a friend who got it years ago and that hasn't stopped her ho ass from getting laid lol. She's had a few boyfriends since that diagnosis. I know another woman who's in a relationship who has it, so I know it's possible.

The thing I fear most is ignorant people looking at me like some kind of leper and telling everyone I'm dirty. And that is the hardest part of this whole thing. I wish society would change because in reality, the virus isn't life-threatening and for most people, they don't feel a thing but damn...even HIV has less of a stigma than this.

Anyway, sorry that went on forever. any words of encouragement are appreciated.

Unfortunately I have nothing positive to say because I am going through a lot of the same dilemmas as you. I have the doctor who offered nothing to me, no advice or meds to help with any of this. I’m afraid that I’ll never find anyone who will want to be with me because of this. I’m commentimg because I’m hoping to read the good advice that others will share with you.

Best of luck!!

Hello @lostandconfused99 and @wendy711 I am hoping to offer even the slightest bit of encouragement. I am only about 6 months in to my own diagnoses. Writing words like diagnoses and herpes is even still difficult for me. I am 28 and a single female (yahoo!) lol. I have had no real herpes outbreaks. I will have occasional nerve pain in that area. If I notice that I will take antivirals for a couple days. But overall I am not on any medication. You can ask your doctor to prescribe you an antiviral in case of a outbreak. Mine had no issue with that. It gives you a little peace of mind if something does come up, you are prepared.

I am still dealing with the dating and disclosure thing myself. I haven’t done it yet but am exploring the dating scene again and am feeling more confident about my future disclosures. One thing i can say if that if either of you are in that mentally exhausting thinking and stressing about herpes all day every day phase...it does get better. I can’t say i don’t think about herpes still every day. It’s on my mind. But it isn’t as emotionally exhausting as it was that first few weeks. After I told a good friend of mine and she disclosed she has it as well, it really transformed in my brain to something less severe.

I find myself pretty constantly reminded of people dealing with way worse shit than this. With physical or mental disabilities who would trade places with me in a second to live a more normal life. They face stigmas every day they can’t hide whereas mine is pretty much invisible and I only need to discuss it when I want to get laid lol. For me it has helped to look at it this way.

The last thing I will leave you with is that even though I believe it does help to remind yourself it is a simple non life threatening skin condition, it’s alright to feel upset about having to deal with it. Everyone wants to be the picture of health and have no challenges in their way of finding love or relationships. That would be awesome. But unfortunately we ended up in a large (and ever growing) pool of people who have been exposed to herpes. Take some time to re-evaluate what you love, what’s important to you, how you like to spend your time.

I wish you guys the best! Please feel free to message me if you want to chat!

I know the feeling .. the way I found out was, I had a full blown outbreak the sore throats headache painful sores couldn't walk for 2 weeksout of nowhere you would have thought I caught it recently right ?? I blamed it on the only guy I was sleeping with for the past couple months and it wasent him if it was a past partner it took 4 months for the outbreak to happen , when I got tested I already had antibodies for it so I won't truly know who gave it to me but boy do I have an idea, I think I would have rather found out your way, just be happy you didn't go though a full blown outbreak like I did , i wish i could blow somebody spot up but I really can't , oh well

Funny thing is when the whole usher thing was trending in he media , everybody made jokes about him, in My head I'm like half of y'all have it tho lol and none of y'all was tested for it

Funny thing is when the whole usher thing was trending in he media , everybody made jokes about him, in My head I'm like half of y'all have it tho lol and none of y'all was tested for it

Right! I think a lot of people have it and don't know because they don't want to deal with the stigma. But you out here infecting people unknowingly. Never had an outbreak. Oh well. I guess for now I'll be sticking to herps dating sites stay off the scene for a minute.

No you don't need those sites you walk down the block and run into somebody that has it you really don't need it

Hi All - I just got diagnosed this past week as well. I'm still struggling to accept it. And, how to tell the girl I'm currently dating (no sex yet). I'm afraid of the outcome. Also, asbyou mentioned....If I can find someone to accept this and if she'll want to marry me.

Hi All - I just got diagnosed this past week as well. I'm still struggling to accept it. And, how to tell the girl I'm currently dating (no sex yet). I'm afraid of the outcome. Also, asbyou mentioned....If I can find someone to accept this and if she'll want to marry me.

I told my ex and he took it pretty well. I would say come with her with facts and don't make it seem like the end of the world. Because it's really not, though I, too am scared about what this could mean for my dating life. Granted, men pass the virus on to women more easily, but she also might already have it. This doesn't change who you are. I'm new to this too, but I'd say be honest and take it a day at a time. Sending you hugs <3

Hey all, I’m also newly diagnosed 2 months ago via blood work at annual physical. I asked fo STD test and doc said she would do full panel this time and here I am. No OBs but occasional itching down there. I told the guy that I was dating 30 mins after The nurse called and he said “wow, most people keep that type of stuff to themselves”. I thought was a strange comment to make but I was so shook and emotional I didn’t question him until he broke up with me via email 4 days later. The fact that he left like that bothers me more than this diagnosis. Prior to that he was calling me “the one”. I have good days and bad days but this diagnosis stays on my mind every single day. These forums help me get thru my tough days b/c I haven’t told anyone IRL.

If he left just like that after calling you 'the one' he was full of shit the whole time.

If he left just like that after calling you 'the one' he was full of shit the whole time.

I agree and see that now but it’s been a tough couple of months emotionally.

@annalove

Hello @lostandconfused99 and @wendy711 I am hoping to offer even the slightest bit of encouragement. I am only about 6 months in to my own diagnoses. Writing words like diagnoses and herpes is even still difficult for me. I am 28 and a single female (yahoo!) lol. I have had no real herpes outbreaks. I will have occasional nerve pain in that area. If I notice that I will take antivirals for a couple days. But overall I am not on any medication. You can ask your doctor to prescribe you an antiviral in case of a outbreak. Mine had no issue with that. It gives you a little peace of mind if something does come up, you are prepared.

I am still dealing with the dating and disclosure thing myself. I haven’t done it yet but am exploring the dating scene again and am feeling more confident about my future disclosures. One thing i can say if that if either of you are in that mentally exhausting thinking and stressing about herpes all day every day phase...it does get better. I can’t say i don’t think about herpes still every day. It’s on my mind. But it isn’t as emotionally exhausting as it was that first few weeks. After I told a good friend of mine and she disclosed she has it as well, it really transformed in my brain to something less severe.

I find myself pretty constantly reminded of people dealing with way worse shit than this. With physical or mental disabilities who would trade places with me in a second to live a more normal life. They face stigmas every day they can’t hide whereas mine is pretty much invisible and I only need to discuss it when I want to get laid lol. For me it has helped to look at it this way.

The last thing I will leave you with is that even though I believe it does help to remind yourself it is a simple non life threatening skin condition, it’s alright to feel upset about having to deal with it. Everyone wants to be the picture of health and have no challenges in their way of finding love or relationships. That would be awesome. But unfortunately we ended up in a large (and ever growing) pool of people who have been exposed to herpes. Take some time to re-evaluate what you love, what’s important to you, how you like to spend your time.

I wish you guys the best! Please feel free to message me if you want to chat!

Thanks for this,

First I thought the same about the dating life. Yet, whenever I looked to another perspective, it has turnd my dating life almost like " the old Fashion way.." , I guess u can say. The "no sex before marrage". I'm sure it isn't just as so, but I still feel like I need to be bubble boy at times .. but to be able to fully get to know someone with out the "fun" will help develop a stronger bond and a solid friendship. It has set my standards higher to find someone who is grounded, who gets me. I don't feel obligated to other people, and know more of what I want in someone.. that big set is, can I open up to them N trust them, do they love u for u, will they take the time to get that other part of u, and take time to understand it... if they don't already have it. I'm new to hvs2 as of July.. Idk how long I have had it, im slowly opening the conversation to my x i left a year ago, of 2 years , to also take a test. That way i have an idea of when I picked up the shock of my life. The view may be cheddar cheesed out- , but-- being optimistic is a must when stress is a factor that isn't worth the worry.

First I thought the same about the dating life. Yet, whenever I looked to another perspective, it has turnd my dating life almost like " the old Fashion way.." , I guess u can say. The "no sex before marrage". I'm sure it isn't just as so, but I still feel like I need to be bubble boy at times .. but to be able to fully get to know someone with out the "fun" will help develop a stronger bond and a solid friendship. It has set my standards higher to find someone who is grounded, who gets me. I don't feel obligated to other people, and know more of what I want in someone.. that big set is, can I open up to them N trust them, do they love u for u, will they take the time to get that other part of u, and take time to understand it... if they don't already have it. I'm new to hvs2 as of July.. Idk how long I have had it, im slowly opening the conversation to my x i left a year ago, of 2 years , to also take a test. That way i have an idea of when I picked up the shock of my life. The view may be cheddar cheesed out- , but-- being optimistic is a must when stress is a factor that isn't worth the worry.

SO TRUE about basically going old school when it comes to dating. I definitely can't be out here having 1 night stands. But I am hoping that I can still find true love, much like u.