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Struggling with this...


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I have known since September 7th that I am have GHSV1. I am having a very hard time to terms with this new found condition that I have. My story seems to be different than most everyone else on this site. I didn't have an OB or any signs that there was anything going on down below. I went in for my annual, like I have since I was a teen, but this time the call that followed was a life changer. This time I tested positive for Herpes Simplex 1.

 

I am not one who has random hook ups, I ALWAYS used protection, and yet I am the one who has been given the life sentence of GHSV1. I know things could always be worse, but for someone who has never had an STD, why is this the one I have to get? Would I feel differently if it was one that was curable with a pill? I can't really say, because that isn't what I was given.

 

I think it is even harder for me to handle because I haven't been sexually active in close to a year, and last year I tested negative for everything. So does that mean that the person I was with last year is the one who gave me this? Could it have been living in me dormant all this time? So many questions and no one to ask. My OBGYN seemed annoyed when I wanted to know anything and just pushed it off that I probably got it when I was a kid from a relative and blah, blah, blah.

 

I know many of you here feel it is just a "skin condition", that it is really no big deal, but for me it is still hard for me. I think about it nonstop. If my kids drink out of my cup, will I give it to them? If we share a chapstick, will they get H too? I am scared to even kiss my kids anymore. No, I don't have cold sores, but what if? Now I am forever going to. be stuck thinking "what if".

 

I haven't been able to share this with anyone. I don't have any family I can share this with. I don't have any friends that I trust to share this with. It is just me. I need someone to hug me and tell me I am not disgusting. That everything will be ok. I just need to not feel like a worthless and disgusting human, but sadly that is all I am feeling lately. I want these feelings to change. I want to feel "normal" again.

 

I know this is all over the place, but I truly didn't know where to begin and there is so much I wanted to say and know. Just like the name I have given myself, I am lost and confused!

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Hi, @lostandconfused99. You are not disgusting. You are normal. {{{{{hugs}}}}}}

 

I relate to much of what you said....always used condoms....had no obvious symptoms....and one day after my divorce I went in for a Pap smear and spontaneously asked for an STD panel. Pow! HSV1 and HSV2.

 

Since you haven’t had any symptoms genitally, you probably have HSV1 orally. Blood tests don’t tell us where we have the virus, only that we have it, but HSV1 strongly prefers the mouth over the genitals. Only about a third of us with HSV1 experience cold sores. I’m assuming I have HSV1 orally since that’s statistically the most likely scenario, and I’ve never had a cold sore in my life.

 

Have you seen this infographic? I just love it because it shows how common HSV is.

http://projectaccept.org/who-gets-hsv/ Let these numbers really sink in.....the majority of the adult population has HSV1 but most simply don’t know it. It’s possible you weren’t tested for it a year ago, or it’s possible you had it all along since the blood tests seem to miss a significant percentage of HSV1 infections for some reason. You’ll never know for sure.

 

And if you haven’t read Terri Warren’s handbook yet, I highly recommend it (as well as her full book). https://westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ Warren states in her book that if you have oral HSV1, transmission via a peck of a kiss is unlikely....it’s more likely with a romantic wet kiss.

 

If you have access to see a counselor, I found it really helpful. It doesn’t mean something is wrong with you. But they’re really good at listening without judgment. I basically wanted to be dead for the first 8 months after my diagnosis....staying alive only because I couldn’t abandon my elderly dog....and I felt unworthy to even talk to strangers. Those 8 months were the most painful months I’ve ever been through, and it was only thanks to a counselor who helped me out of that.

 

Aside from getting educated about herpes and taking care of myself physically (exercise, decent sleep, healthy foods, etc.), the two things that really helped me get past the mental anguish was (1) really coming to terms with the fact that much of life is just plain out of my control and usually not fair, and (2) really learning to love myself. It sounds cheesy, I know. But the more I love myself, the less I’m paralyzed at the thought of rejection.

 

I was SUPER stuck on the permanence of HSV.....

“Permanent but not contagious = OK”

“Contagious but not permanent = OK”

“Permanent and contagious = NOT OK!!!” :)

 

Since my symptoms were very mild (just some occasional itching and very rarely some irritation), I had to eventually ask myself, how is this really a problem for 99% of my life? It’s just not. As for being rejected? Well, that’s part of life. I like to think I can control that, but I can’t. I feel that even more now as I age (I’m 44) and realize I’m never going to look like the 20-something that many men are attracted to. Rejection just means that we’re not a good match. If you read these forums long enough, you’ll see MANY people who are successful in finding love or casual sex with someone who doesn’t have HSV. It happens. A lot more than I ever would have guessed! And it’s going to be a good filter going forward, because being a divorcee, I can tell you my tolerance for bullshit is at an all-time low. If someone can’t handle that I have an extremely common virus that has virtually no impact on my life today, then *they* are not going to be a good match for *me*!

 

Hang in there. I know it can be really tough to muck through the initial negative emotions surrounding a diagnosis. It gets better. LOTS better!!!! :)

 

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If you see a doctor who brushes off your concerns, and leaves you feeling like you were not provided answers to your questions, you should find a new doctor.

 

Also, how and why are questions that breed anger and many other negative things for me personally, and I recommend trying not to dwell on those.

 

It's going to get easier to deal with! You are going to keep being the same great person you have always been!

Try to focus on the future. Make it a future where you feel happiness, fulfillment, and continue to case down your goals. I find that doing things that make me feel successful, happy, and confident has helped me to regain my sense of self.

 

If you find yourself feeling down, and getting stuck on negative thoughts about yourself, reach out to people close to you, the community here, and/or counseling. Also, it might make you feel better if you seek out opportunities to help out the people close to you. I find that when I'm in a really miserable mood, if I help someone else by listening to their problems, or going to the grocery store, or helping them with any old errand or chore, it makes me feel like I'm a good person, and that my being around is appreciated.

Those things have all helped me feel like myself again.

But don't take it as bragging, I still feel down sometimes. I have just found a few ways to help mitigate it. You will find things that work for you, too!

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