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positive guide to herpes disclosure






 

 

He’s sleeping with a prostitute...

But yet i still find myself toying with the idea of sleeping with him again! I’m trying to stay strong, so far I’ve succeeded but it is really really hard. The person I believe exposed me to HSV-2 I now know not only used to escort himself, but is also “dating” an escort. I confronted him about his escorting past (found his number and picture on escort sites from a couple years ago). He denied it up and down. I never asked him if he is aware he could be carrying herpes because 1) I don’t believe he would admit it if he is aware 2) if he isn’t aware i don’t think he would go and get tested and 3) it’s possible he would be very verbally abusive if he became aware of my status. I know a lot of people believe it is he right thing to do to make past partners aware of you herpes status. But I’ve been working hard on loving myself and I don’t want to be torn down by an uneducated prick. Also I planned to ask him about the herpes if he was honest about escorting. But he wasn’t. If he can’t be honest about that what’s the chances of him being open to he possibility of carrying herpes?
I feel like I keep trapping myself in this negative self talk about how no one will ever want to sleep with me again if I disclose my herpes status. I know this isn’t true but it terrifies me still. When i was diagnosed I was looking to remove myself from casual sex anyways. But i don’t want to be celibate for the rest of my life. I enjoy sex and miss it. The hardest part about this guy who possibly exposed me is we had great sex. We had a sexual connection. But i don’t want to take any risks with my health since he is STILL taking risks with his by pimping out (I’m pretty sure) and sleeping with this prostitute. How do I stay strong?

Comments

  • My situation is similar to yours , i guy I had sex with last year was very promiscuous and even was a "exotic" dancer I believe he gave it to me but the catch is I got the outbreak almost a year later i did sleep w another person from my past after that but I believe it's him , if it happened to me in a way where I know exactly who gave it to me then i would definitely say something, like if he lie about not having herpes , you can just straight up say well until you show proof Ima just assume you have it and you know it. I made my ex get tested for it and he didn't have it once I saw the paperwork with the negative result with his name hospital name medical number with my 2 eyeballs somebody that knows they don't have anything or at least think in their heart they don't have it will simply go get tested for it point blank period
  • I think it’s worth reminding ourselves often that HSV could be carried by anyone—not just those we deem promiscuous. Whenever we assume we acquired HSV from this person or that person because we view them as promiscuous, we feed the stigma. I’ve done the same thing, and it’s a hard habit to break.

    To the original poster, I think one way to stay strong and not sleep with this person by reminding yourself repeatedly that he’s not an honest guy and not worth your time. I see no need to disclose to a previous partner who may be verbally abusive about it. That alone would make me run in the opposite direction.
  • @HikingGirl i completely agree with you about making assumptions about who exposed me, but in my situation I also had an unusual physical symptom right after I began sleeping with this guy I now know used to escort. So there are some other reasons why my hunch is that it was from him other than his sexual history.
    To be honest his past as an escort doesn't actually bother me, it is his dishonesty when I asked him about it. I don't believe you owe every person you sleep with a full background history, but if someone you are attempting to sleep asks you specifically about as aspect of your past you owe them the truth.
    My tendency is to run back to men who are awful for me in order to make myself feel better for the moment. Breaking that decade long habit is a hard one. In this case its a little easier because I know he is being sexually risky and I DO NOT want play with my health
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