But yet i still find myself toying with the idea of sleeping with him again! I’m trying to stay strong, so far I’ve succeeded but it is really really hard. The person I believe exposed me to HSV-2 I now know not only used to escort himself, but is also “dating” an escort. I confronted him about his escorting past (found his number and picture on escort sites from a couple years ago). He denied it up and down. I never asked him if he is aware he could be carrying herpes because 1) I don’t believe he would admit it if he is aware 2) if he isn’t aware i don’t think he would go and get tested and 3) it’s possible he would be very verbally abusive if he became aware of my status. I know a lot of people believe it is he right thing to do to make past partners aware of you herpes status. But I’ve been working hard on loving myself and I don’t want to be torn down by an uneducated prick. Also I planned to ask him about the herpes if he was honest about escorting. But he wasn’t. If he can’t be honest about that what’s the chances of him being open to he possibility of carrying herpes?
I feel like I keep trapping myself in this negative self talk about how no one will ever want to sleep with me again if I disclose my herpes status. I know this isn’t true but it terrifies me still. When i was diagnosed I was looking to remove myself from casual sex anyways. But i don’t want to be celibate for the rest of my life. I enjoy sex and miss it. The hardest part about this guy who possibly exposed me is we had great sex. We had a sexual connection. But i don’t want to take any risks with my health since he is STILL taking risks with his by pimping out (I’m pretty sure) and sleeping with this prostitute. How do I stay strong?