One Year Anniversary!

It seems very strange to mention it, but I thought my anniversary might be encouraging to anyone struggling with a first outbreak, or even just a shitty case of HSV2 that won't "settle down"...

A year ago today I was out for a ride (I'm a cyclist) and I noticed how uncomfortable everything was "down there". At age 49, I knew my body pretty damned well, and I knew something wasn't right. Within a day, my ENTIRE pubic area was COVERED in painful sores, inside and out. I'd never seen anything like it, not even in photos of herpes online! Even though I jumped on anti-virus meds, I CONTINUED to break out in new sores... SORES ON TOP OF SORES (I kid you not; I documented everything in photos!)... By the time my poor body began to develop antibodies (it took over a WEEK of constantly breaking out in new sores), I had suffered through at LEAST 150 sores. YES. I counted. As I said, I took photos.

With what I had read, herpes facts, other people's experiences, etc... I was PARANOID about whatever the hell a "second outbreak" would be like. Everyone said to me "Ohhhh, don't worry! Subsequent outbreaks will NEVER be like your first one!" This did NOT make me feel much better, because in my mind, a "much less severe" outbreak, for me, might end up being FIFTY sores... And I just didn't know if I could handle that. A "lesser" outbreak, with the "initial outbreak experience" that I had, was going to tear me apart, mentally and physically.

At this point, there are some observations and points of gratitude I have. When I read all the stories here of young, young woman & men coming down with HSV2, I give DAILY thanks for the fact that I was 49 when this hit me. You get past all of the "give a fucks". You begin to see what's really important, and what isn't. You can simply HANDLE things better. Yes, I thought my "dating life was over". Yes, I thought "it's just you and the kids now, Julie... You are on your own"... No problem, really. But SAD. Soooo SAD. I LOVED sex! I LOVED intimacy! I intended to fill my life with the things that made me happy, and try really hard to push away feelings of loneliness. Another point of gratefulness: because I am 49, I no longer have periods. And, knock on wood! I HAVE NOT HAD A SINGLE SUBSEQUENT OUTBREAK. I HAVE had some prodrome symptoms in June when my son graduated. It was the only real stress I'd had for the whole year. But, beyond that... Nothing.

Mistakes with HSV2? First biggie: for heaven's sake, no matter HOW shitty you feel, DON'T tell your mother! My mom and I had always been close, but I discovered a side of my mom that really hurt me... Really shitty. Put it this way: at an extremely low point in my health (not a low point in my LIFE... just my HEALTH), I turned to her in a moment of weakness where I just wanted someone to care. BIG MISTAKE. Now granted, keep in mind that my mom is OLD SCHOOL. Eighty-one years old. Her idea of herpes was uneducated, uninformed, although as PLAIN as the cold sore on her face!! But.... Ah well. It's different when it's sexually transmitted, OF COURSE (insert sarcasm here!) Anyway... Advice? DON'T TELL ANYBODY. Sadly, (in my experience) people will SAY they care & feel bad for you, but in reality, they are simply glad it isn't happening to THEM. No one needs to know. No one. Your sexual health is YOURS, and you don't need to explain things to anyone.

Fast forward to today. I am with a WONDERFUL man. The BEST MAN I've ever known. I'm happier than I've EVER been. Coming down with HSV2 has been the single - most amazing thing that has ever happened to me. Now remember, I'm older. I feel like it's different for me. But... I went to a herpes dating site, just for kicks. I loved sex too damn much to give it up, and I CERTAINLY was NOT going to have "the talk" with a prospective intimate partner. (Hey, I knew what my ego could and could NOT handle!) I ended up meeting an amazing man... Just AMAZING.

So anyway... If you've read this far, thank you... Haha! I hope some encouragement can be gotten from my story. You all are wonderful people... Never, ever think otherwise.....

Happiness!

Julie

I am happy that things have turned out so well for you! As someone that suffered horribly painful and frequent outbreaks for the first two years or so after contracting genital herpes, I can relate to some of the misery you experienced with your first outbreak.

I do have to disagree with your advice about not telling or talking to anyone about it. Everyone is different, and I absolutely respect that this is what's been best for you. I, on the other hand, felt like I had a deep, dark, dirty secret and carried an immense amount of shame regarding having herpes. One of the first people I told when I found out 15 years ago, was my mother. While she is narcissistic, she was not mean, nor has she treated me any differently. (I do know that she covertly told everyone in the family, but I don't care about that, I know my mom and I knew she would. None of my family treats me any differently anyway.) In recent months, I have started talking about it much more openly, with many different people, and this has been what's helped me the most. Those that I've told treat me no differently. MANY have even told me that they, too, have genital herpes. In all honesty, that's been an amazing experience for me. At one point, I created a profile on one of the regular dating sites, and stated right there, with my photo, that I have genital herpes. I got messages telling me how much they appreciated my honesty. And I got plenty of messages from men who were interested in me. So, while it has been best for you not to tell anyone, this isn't going to be the case for everyone. :)

Julie, thanks for sharing your story. I’m 42 and newly diagnosed with H2 less than 3 months ago. I’ve told no one except the guy i was dating at the time. The way he responded made me feel that I won’t tell anyone else unless it’s a potential partner. I thought about telling my mom but she’s also old school and may not be very understanding. Plus I feel she will tell the rest of the extended family so I will keep it to myself for now. These forums help me talk thru my emotions so I’m very appreciative of that. Congratulations on finding love again!! That’s awesome! I enjoy intimacy and that closeness too so I know that eventually I will have to put myself out there again.