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Coping with HSV and a history of psychological abuse


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So I'm new here and I'm finding I relate to a lot of the posts, so I'm just meandering and reading and commenting where I am moved to do so. But there is one thing I've been struggling with and I've only just begun to identify it and I'm wondering if anyone else in here has dealt with anything similar...

 

My ex husband bullied and emotionally abused me. Not badly enough to justify cutting him out of his children's life, but enough that most communication with him still causes me anxiety that will plague me for the rest of the day. So here's the weird thing: I live in fear that he will somehow find out about my HSV. I contracted it after we split up, and there's no reason it should affect him at all. It's none of his business and no one who knows would tell him, but there's always the (minute) possibility that my daughter could overhear me talking to a friend and turn around and ask her dad, "What's herpes?" and that thought makes my blood run cold. It's probably not a coincidence that memories of him calling me a whore and telling me how useless I am crop up every time I'm feeling particularly shitty about myself, which often follows a disappointing disclosure.

 

And those about to reply, "Get thee to a therapist!"... Yeah, I know.

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