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Depression


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Hi my name is jaee,

I been diagnosed with herpes 4 months ago. I been depressed every since. I feel like nobody will love me expect the person that have me herpes bc he was my first love. My self esteem so low I have suicide thoughts going through my head I just wanna give up

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Hi Jaee4! I'm sorry you're going through something so painful. It is hard to face the reality that we will have this for life (I was diagnosed a few days ago with HSV2). Think of what your life was like a year ago and then think of how it is now. Probably totally different right? I bet a ton of stuff has happened to you in the past year. Well, never forget that your life is going to continue to change like that. Things will get worse and things will get better and better. Believe it or not you already have someone who can love you unconditionally---and that's you! Herpes is not a death sentence and not something that will send the right person running because they will be the RIGHT person! Just hold on, one day at a time, and celebrate the little things. :) Also we're all always here to talk!

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Thank you so much for replying back to me. I try to talk to people but they don't kno how I feel bc the dont have herpes so I feel like there is nothing they can say to make things better bc they never had it but you made my day a lil bit better. Just hard to cope with it. Just think I'm disgusting with it, I've lost self respect and love for myself. Ikno it takes time but I just think sometimes I'll never be able to face reality. Just feel like a dream that I can't seem to wake up from

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@jaee4 I know exactly how you’re feeling. I’ve known for 2 mths that I’m H+, but have no clue how I got it. I haven’t been active with anyone in over a year and when I was I always used protection. I’m lost. Mad. Upset. Disgusted. Angry. Ashamed. And the list goes on... although I haven’t had suicidal thoughts, I do feel like I’ll never be loved because of this. Waiting for the day that I don’t think about this every spare moment I have. Waiting for the years to stop. Just simply waiting! Good luck to you! I hope you find the peace within you so deserve.

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Believe it or not you already have someone who can love you unconditionally---and that's you!

 

Well said, @HerpPrincess! And welcome, @jaee4. Do you have access to see a counselor through work, school, or medical insurance? I spent the first eight months post-diagnosis on the verge of tears, herpes consumed my thoughts, and I felt unworthy to talk to strangers. It wasn’t until I got up the guts to go back to the therapist I saw after my divorce that I was really able to get unstuck and move forward.

 

What does moving forward look like? Well, for me (now 18 months later), I am happier than I have ever been, unquestionably stronger than ever, and I actually truly love myself—imperfections and all—at age 44. That’s all *thanks* to herpes, because without it, I might still be basing my value on unattainable perfection and the validation of others.

 

It may be true that not everyone in your life will be able to relate to having herpes. But I can promise you this: *everyone* struggles with feeling like they’re not “enough” at times.

 

I’m also a big fan of the home study course @Adrial has offered on this site. It took me a long time to get started on it, but the first section is worth its weight in gold. Changing how we see ourselves will do more our own happiness than anything we’ll get from a romantic partner. {{hugs}}

 

 

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Here's some perspective:

Herpes is just one of many things that people can carry around for life. But that's ok because it's really not a big deal to have herpes. People get hung up on the concept of "incurable", but if what you have is not a big deal, then it doesn't really matter if it's incurable or not. Most people 9/10 have herpes and 80% don't even get symptoms so they don't know they have it.

 

"Getting colds" is incurable, but people don't get depressed over the knowledge that they will get a cold at some point in the future. Truth is that for most people, herpes a lot less annoying than even getting a cold.

 

Also, there are many many people out there who won't care if you have herpes or not. I know because at this point I've slept with something like 70 that I've disclosed too. Yea there will be some rejections here and there, but so what. Life is all about rejections. People apply to jobs and I think it's like for every 50 resumes they send out, most people only get one call back.

 

You are in shock now but you'll get over it. I promise. Don't worry about this harmless skin. condition. Remember that stigma is not a real thing but a scarecrow conjured up pharmaceutical companies to make profits. Don't let some advertising campaign from the 1980s hijack your life.

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