I [36/m] am pretty sure I have herpes and have exposed my [27/f] girlfriend. How do I tell her?

Guys, I fucked up. I was pretty reckless and irresponsible through my 20s when it came to sex. Outside of a few flings, I’ve been single for the last 7 years because I wanted to find a meaningful relationship that I could see myself in forever.

I had always had a crush on this girl that I worked with and after a few years of being friends, she left her boyfriend for me. She is the girl of my dreams. We’ve been dating since this time last year and although we’ve had a few big arguments and broken up a couple times, most of our relationship has been amazing. This is without a doubt the girl I want to spend my life with.

This past week I noticed what I thought was an ingrown hair on my genitalia. I remember getting an “ingrown hair” at the exact same spot twice before this, and once was before we started dating. The first time I thought absolutely nothing of it. The second time I thought maybe I wasnt grooming myself properly. This is honestly the last thing I expected. After this time I realized that this isn’t normal so I’ve been googling like crazy and didn’t sleep at all last night. I don’t think it’s an ingrown hair anymore. I’m pretty sure Im infected with herpes.

I haven’t gotten tested yet but I of course intend to ASAP. If I am in fact infected, that means that I’ve been exposing her to it for the last year. I am a wreck right now and feel nauseas at the thought of having to tell her. I cannot believe I’ve done this to her. I am overwhelmed with guilt right now and I don’t know how to handle it.

TL;DR

I realized this week that the reoccurring “ingrown hair” is probably herpes. If so, ive been exposing my girlfriend to it for the last year.

Does anybody have advice on going about this? How should I present it? Should I suggest we get tested together? Please help!

I personally recommend 100% upfront honesty. My girlfriend stayed with me because I told her everything that was happening as it happened, and gave her the choice to decide for herself to stay with me or not.

I could totally understand fearing being dumped over herpes, I felt the same way.

But I had to do the right thing and tell her right away when something odd was going on, and then when I tested positive.

As far as how to tell her,

Do it when she isn't at work or really busy. In person is best, but I had to tell her over the phone due to circumstances.

Tell her you noticed an ingrown hair and you got worried about it. Tell her you're afraid it might be something serious. Get tested, tell her you are getting tested and that she should, too.

The swab test on an active sore is most accurate, but blood tests are better than nothing.

If you test positive, tell her right away and tell her you want to stay together, but you know she is weighing it out, and thats the rational thing to do. She will definitely appreciate that you let her keep her right to decide for herself. That matters big time.