Just diagnosed - trying to get my head to stop spinning

Just got diagnosed with genital (visually) 2 weeks ago...devistating isn't a strong enough word to describe the feeling. IgG came back negative and I'm still waiting on the IgM results, so I don't know if 1 or 2.. Doc says neg IgG likely points to a new infection. I'm happily married, infatuated with my wife and honestly don't know how I could have picked up a new infection. She's getting tested next week...

If she does not have it, I'm absolutely sickened at the thought of possibly passing it to her. My heart breaks at the thought of our relationship having to change to accommodate this virus. Glad I stumbled onto this forum, as it has been one of the few things to calm me down. Obviously, I don't know all of the specifics yet, however, I have some immediate questions (my apologies for the bluntness):

1. If she is negative, I get that we should use a condom, but what about touching? Will she be able to touch my uncovered penis without risking exposure? What about oral sex? Should that be avoided? No one seems to speak to specific sexual acts or scenarios, they just say "wear a condom".

2. If she is negative, is it safe for me to perform oral sex on her? Can I pass genital to her orally?

Sincerely, thank you all for your stories, advice and support. This is something no one ever thinks they will go through.

Kyle

Hi, @Drkyle. What led to your visual diagnosis? Did you have an outbreak? HSV is very difficult to diagnose visually. If you’re having a significant outbreak, I’d head back to the doctor for a PCR swab test. That will tell you the type no matter how new the infection is. If the outbreak isn’t severe enough to collect a sample for a swab test, then I would wait until you have a confirmed positive diagnosis from another (future) IgG blood test before assuming you have herpes.

The IgM test, by the way, is notoriously inaccurate and their results should be ignored. Sadly, many doctors still use the test. (Even sadder, many doctors are undereducated about HSV.) If you do have a new infection, the IgG will pick it up by 16 weeks at the latest. Half of all people infected with HSV will test positive on a blood test by 3 weeks. It just depends on how fast your particular body happens to make the antibodies which the IgG tests for.

It is possible to have sex with someone for years and not acquire the virus until much later or not at all. I was married for 15 years, completely unaware I had both HSV1 and HSV2 all that time, was not using condoms, and my ex-husband never got either type. So transmission is not a given.

Honestly, answering your questions right now is rather difficult because we don’t know what type you may or may not have and what type your wife may or may not have. When you consider that you can have either type orally or genitally, there are a headache-inducing number of combinations to try and explain what you should know about certain acts. At this point, we really don’t know FOR SURE that you have HSV. Once you know more, we can absolutely help you answer some specific questions.

What I can do is highly recommend this short handbook written by a herpes expert: https://www.westoverheights.com/herpes/the-updated-herpes-handbook/ It covers several of the questions you asked much better than I can and in varying scenarios. Warren also has a full book on Amazon, available as a Kindle version, with even more detail—explained in plain English—which I cannot recommend highly enough.

Thank you for the reply. To clarify the situation, I had a rash including a few vesicles show up and my primary care doc immediately diagnosed as HSV and put me on antivirals. He did not offer to swab for confirmation and by the time the initial shock wore off and I learned about the testing, the vesicles had dried up. When I asked about testing they drew blood and sent it off for IgG and IgM testing. IgG quickly came back as negative - no update on the IgM and it sounds like it's irrelevant anyway.

I'm obviously still hopeful that this is something else, but my symptoms and the presentation of the rash are exactly like what many have described here. Thanks for the book recommendation as well.

I see. Either way, it’s no doubt really tough to be in a place of so many unknowns. Hopefully as the next few weeks yields more answers, it’ll be easier to wrap your head around it all. Most of us have felt just as you describe now, and it’s not a fun thing to go through. (Happily, it’s not for forever either!) Learning as much as possible about a virus that is so rarely talked about seems to be one of the most helpful things we can do when newly diagnosed, so you’re in good hands with the handbook/book I mentioned and, of course, the information here on this website.

P.S. I will add that taking antivirals can interfere with initial testing. (Personally, if I were having a significant outbreak, I’d absolutely take the antivirals just to help with the immediate physical symptoms.). So if you continue to test negative for a few months, you might consider going off antivirals for a couple of months and then retesting.