My boyfriend stops contacting me when I told him I have HSV-1

Hello my friends,

About 2 weeks ago, my boyfriend told me he got some pimples around his genital area, and I have to see a doctor too. I got freaked out, because it was my first time that someone told me about a possibility of STD. My boyfriend saw his doctor, and he was told that what he got is genital warts. While waiting for my doctor appointment, I went online and found out that I have HSV-1 (I got cold sores when I was a child), and I could pass it to my partner. I was scared. I was devastated. I felt like I am a huge virus which makes a person I like infected with STD. It was very difficult for me, but I called my boyfriend and told him about my HSV because I wanted to be honest, and maybe I could not hold this heavy fact only inside of my heart. He was calm. He told me what he got is not herpes, so I should not worry too much. After the phone talk, I cried because I was so relieved. I felt even happy, because I thought my boyfriend accepted me with my HSV. But after that conversation, I have not heard from him almost a week (we used to text/talk everyday). My friends told me that he needs sometime to think and digest his thoughts. Maybe so. But I am worried if he will disappear because of what I told him. I cannot stop thinking that I was rejected because of my HSV, and I will need to go through this situation many times in my life. Or I should not have told my boyfriend about HSV-1, because it is so common? Sadness, regret, devastation, many negative thoughts have been spinning in my mind... If there is someone who had the similar experience, would you give me some advice?

Thank you,

Because you have a history of cold sores, I think it's fair to assume your HSV1 infection is oral. Yes, it can be transmitted to a partner's mouth or genitals if they don't yet have it. It's very possible your boyfriend already has HSV1, considering how common it is. Even without a history of cold sores, he may have it. Many people are asymptomatic.

It has been my experience that most people do not disclose oral herpes. Until I tested positive for HSV2 and began disclosing to people, I had never once had someone disclose HSV1 to me, though statistics indicate at least 2/3 of my partners have had HSV1. IMHO, it seems the stigma is more tied to location and therefore the societal expectation of disclosure differs between oral and genital herpes, regardless of HSV type. However, the possibility of transmission does exist, so if transmission occurs, the person who contracts it may be more upset as a result of non-disclosure of *known* HSV status. I do have a friend who contracted genital HSV1 through oral sex from a partner who knew their status but was unaware herpes could be spread that way. My friend has never stopped being angry about that (the lack of disclosure), even though she knows how common it is and does not consider HSV to be a big deal. So that's something to consider.

As for your boyfriend, he may be having a hard time dealing with his current HPV diagnosis. It may not be the best time for him to be able to put HSV in perspective. I would focus on dealing with the HPV diagnosis for now.

Dear optimist,

Thank you so much for your response to my post. Now I know that telling him about my HSV-1 is not wrong (Well, timing was not very good, I admit...). I am not sure if he will contact me again. But if he does, I will tell my test result (I will take a blood test this Wednesday) and talk about HPV, HSV, and what we would like to do with him again.

Thank you again for getting back to me. Now I am feeling a little bit better and my heart is lighter, because I know I can have a support from you and other people on this site!

Merci beaucoup!