Genital HSV type 1

Hi everyone,

Just found out that I might have genital herpes type 1. So about four years ago I had my first cold sore ever after dating and having sex with a guy who I'm sure had it orally and was shedding the virus without showing obvious symptoms. I did notice that he had what looked to me like chapped lips. Nothing that looked like a really bad or gross cold sore so of course I thought nothing of it, but after researching more I found out that cold sores can appear differently on some people or be more mild and not look like what it really is. Doh! Of course, I didn't do this research until after I experienced the initial episode with a low grade fever, general feeling of illness and a small painful sore on my upper lip. I immediately knew what it was and who gave it to me, and I was no longer dating the guy. I was 18 years old, and up until that point I had never had a cold sore ever so I was freaking out because I didn't know anything about the herpes virus except that it's highly stigmatized and my life was over now that I have this disease. (I don't feel that way anymore, but at the time that is how I felt.) I went to the doctor to confirm the dx and get some antiviral treatment and my doc didn't run tests but it doesn't take a genius to know that what I had was a cold sore. I was having all of the typical symptoms, like tingling and burning and a little itchiness. It actually didn't look as bad as some I have seen. Looked almost like a really inflamed ingrown hair or bad zit, but of course felt a lot worse. So I started taking the acyclovir to help it go away and then about a week later or so I started to have tingling and just a weird sensation down south. My nightmare started all over again just on another body part, so I went back on the internet doing my research and learned that you can also contract HSV 1 genitally if you have oral sex with someone who is infected, although it's not as common. Another, doh! I felt like my whole world was ending. So I had every thing you could expect from a genital herpes episode EXCEPT for the sores. What?? Confused me too. I did go to a gynecologist to check it out. She said I was fine but again I didn't get any blood tests or anything done, which I probably should have, but at the time I was glad to hear her opinion about it being nothing and just wanted out of there like NOW. I was still taking the acyclovir and about two or three weeks passed by and everything seemed to have went back to normal. I was finally starting to feel a little better and my cold sore was gone and I was ok again (or so I thought). I mean obviously I accepted the fact that I had oral herpes but was still denying my other symptoms downstairs because I felt like they were not serious enough to be herpetic. I was having weakness and stuff in my legs but I just chalked it up to stress.

Fast forward, I am 22 years old now and did not have another episode until now. About two and a half weeks ago I started to get a small bump on my top lip exactly where I had my first cold sore so I thought it was just the beginning of another one and was like ok whatever I'll deal with it, and it never actually was as bad as my first one and was only there for like two days and then went away. Then a couple days later, I had this sharp pain in my genital area on one side and immediately I was back at square one four years ago, so I went and checked myself and couldn't feel or see anything so I was just waiting to see what would happen. I figured this was the prodromal period. As the days passed it turned into a tingling, annoying sensation down there and kind of felt like I had a rash of some sort. I felt around again and did feel a small bump that felt like a pimple. I knew what it was and was disappointed again. I went through the rest of the week just dealing, as I didn't have time to go to the doctor between work and my externship. I went to an urgent care on the following Saturday and saw a male nurse practitioner and told him how I was feeling and instead of giving me a pelvic examination he put me on a course of acyclovir to treat it under suspicion of what I thought it was to see if it would help since the symptoms were so identical to that of genital herpes. At this point, the bump had not grown or spread, it was just a single bump and I had back pain and nerve pain in my legs and still felt a rashy feeling down there. It was more of an annoyance and inconvenience to me than a horrific outbreak. I know there are people out there who have much worse outbreaks so I tried to console myself with the fact that mine was minimal in comparison. I am now in a monogamous relationship with a wonderful man and he has been with me since my initial symptoms so he already knows what I'm going through since he was there before. After six months of dating, we had unprotected sex since I never had any genital symptoms after that initial mild "prodrome like" stage that was never confirmed to be herpetic. He's never had any genital symptoms, maybe had one small cold sore but didn't last long. Now that I'm having this come up again I feel like I let him down and feel just ashamed and awful about it all. He's been very supportive and understanding about it, but for some reason I still feel like I just don't deserve him and am not worthy of his love. How do I get past this? Sure, I have not had any confirming tests but I am no fool and know that this is genital herpes. It has to be, there's nothing else that makes sense about it. I had constant nerve pain for like three days straight with all of this and it's agonizing. It's affecting my whole body, not just my vagina. Actually the neuropathy seems to be worse than the vaginal irritation, and it's not something that I am prepared to live with for the rest of my life. Assuming that I may experience this again some day, what can I do to make that go away? The acyclovir didn't help that part. The bump went away but I am still having a sharp pain in the same spot that comes and goes for a minute. Rashy feeling and tingling is gone, and overall I'm much better than I was a week ago. I'm just trying to get over this emotional trauma I'm having. I don't find much solace in knowing that almost half of the population has it, I just wish I was spared. Any advice is welcomed. Thank you and sorry for the novel :(