First Disclosure

So I had posted about a week ago seeking advice on disclosing. I found out just recently that I'm positive for HSV-2, and at first I was having some difficulty coming to terms with this information. I was especially dreading the first time having to disclose to someone. I have since done a ton of research and talked to a lot of people, and now having HSV-2 no longer feels like the end of the world. It almost seems silly now that my initial reaction was so morbid. It's so common and it's just a virus. The stigma of it is simply ridiculous. It doesn't devalue me or take away all of the great qualities that I have. Unfortunately, feeling this way still didn't make the uncomfortableness of disclosing to someone any more appealing. But I did it, for the first time, and it couldn't have gone any better. I was hanging out last night at this guys house that I have been on a few dates with. We have great chemistry and I haven't felt so comfortable with someone in a long time. We were watching a movie and he leaned over to kiss me. We kissed pretty passionately for a while and he asked if I wanted to stay the night, and I really wanted to. But I knew I wouldn't feel right staying the night without telling him first about my situation, even though I had no intentions of doing anything besides kissing just yet. So I told him that I wanted to talk to him about something first. I asked him if he had been tested since his last partner for all possible STIs, and he said yes. He told me that he had tested negative for everything and had the results if I wanted to see them. I proceeded to tell him that I had been tested since my last partner, and before I could finish my sentence he looked at me and said, "Herpes?". I said yes, that I just recently found out. He calmly explained to me that he's aware of how common it is, that he even has friends who have it. He told me he had been with a girl before who told him afterwards that she had it, and he went to get tested and was negative for it. He told me that it doesn't bother him at all and that it's really not a big deal to him. I asked him if he was sure, and that he wasn't just saying this to make me feel better. He looked at me and smiled and said no, it's not a big deal and didn't change how he felt about me. So I stayed the night, had a wonderful time just talking and kissing and cuddling. I can tell that his feelings for me are still exactly the same and he wants to continue hanging out. I hope that things work out in the long term because I really like this guy so far, but even if they don't this gives me a lot of hope for the future. I know that not every disclosure will go this smoothly. Some guys may panic, or decide that they just don't want to take the risk. But I know that there will be just as many guys who are going to be unbothered by it. There will be guys who do their research on it and decide that it is worth the risk. There will even be guys that have it too. I don't feel like my dating life will change much at all because of this, and that is a great feeling. Even if the day comes that I disclose to someone and have to face rejection, I know that I will be fine. I will not let it impact my overall happiness or make me stop dating for fear of rejection. HSV-2 is not going to define who I am, and I refuse to let a virus dictate how I live my life. I hope that someone reads this and can take something positive from my first disclosure story. Reading all of the posts on here has been a huge comfort for me personally. I don't feel scared or alone. I feel like I am a part of this community of amazing, strong individuals who have to overcome the unfortunate stigma of having HSV-2. If anything, having HSV-2 in a weird way has made me feel even more secure with who I am. It's forced me to really look at all of the good things I have to offer. I hope that others who are struggling with this can someday feel the same :)

Thanks for sharing your experience, @dlacinda! It sure made me smile to re-read your post from a week ago and then to read this. <3 <3

That's awesome! Best of luck to you with the new guy!

This was great to read! I am newly diagnosed and the thought of having to disclose makes me sick. I was seeing someone when I found out and told him. He told me he was ok with it but by the next day he said he wasn't. Hopefully this will change for me. Thanks!